The Heart Of The Discernmentalist Gospel

November 2, 2010

Most of you are going to hell because you were not specially chosen and frozen like We God’s Truth Biblical Elect (Calvinazis) are—so quake now in mortal fear and terror at the horrors that await ye, reprobates, especially if you are Roman Catholic, Arminian, a Pentecostal tongue-babbler, Emergent, queer or even worse all of the above:

P.S. Hell is a “real place” so We’d hate to be all of you reprobates (non-Calvinazis) on the day that you die so remember We tried to lovingly warn you by the Absolute Truth of our Pure Doctrines which have saved Us from an eternity in flames.

P. P. S. This is also warning to Pastorboy aka (Name withheld upon request) to get back in line with our Pure Doctrines.


ODM Science Lesson # 5

August 12, 2010

 And you thought there  was an end to our science lessons:

P. S. Bible Monkey before you joined us in our Truth War ways we meant this for you—but I guess now we need your help in sending this out to Eugene Peterson. His Message is one of apes and monkeys and New Age Spirituality.


Ken Silva Is UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist!

July 22, 2010

 

Ken Silva and his Internet Para-Church of the True Remnant star in UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist the newest comedic Sci-Fi Discernmentalist smash hit and Blockbuster of the Summer! Fresh and straight from the creators of Full Mental Jack-@ss. Ken Silva as UltraKen leads his Internet Para-Church of the True Remnant: the Ultra-Discernmentalist Mafia as they sing, they dance and chant in a non-Contemplative way and most importantly they fight off the Babylonian hordes from Emergent Village. Watch as UltraKen and his army of loyal Truth Warriors the Ultra-Discernmentalists take on the evil reptilianoid Tony Jones, the equally evil dragonoid Doug Pagitt and the rest of the Kaiju (怪獣, kaijū)* from the Babylonian hordes of Emergent Village.

UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist features a special guest appearance by Chris Rosebrough of Pirate Radio playing the role of Spider-Pirateman. UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist coming soon this Summer to a theater near you. Itodyaso raves: “UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist contains over 40 times more Ken Silva than either Apprising Ministries or Christian Research Network!” Truthslayer exclaims: “Stupendous!” “A True Biblically Based comedic thrill-ride,” says Arthur McJohn; “my favorite part is when one of the UltraKens threw one of the Anabaptimergent Kaiju (怪獣, kaijū) into a fiery pit and said ‘this should prepare you for your eternal fate.’ I laughed so hard like Jesus ‘I Wept.'”

And now what you’ve all been waiting for the movie trailer—a montage of film clips from UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist of the army of UltraKens singing, dancing, training for battle in the Truth War and chanting in a non-Contemplative way plus some scenes of them fighting off the Babylonian hordes from Emergent Village:

*- Editors’ Note— In normal Japanese : 

Kaiju (怪獣, kaijū?) is a Japanese word that means “strange beast,” but often translated in English as “monster”. Specifically, it is used to refer to a genre of tokusatsu entertainment. Related terms include kaiju eiga (怪獣映画, kaijū eiga?, monster movie), a film featuring kaiju, kaijin (怪人?, referring to roughly humanoid monsters) and daikaiju (大怪獣, daikaijū?, giant monster), specifically meaning the larger variety of monsters. The most famous kaiju is Godzilla. Other well-known kaiju include Mothra, Anguirus, Rodan, Gamera and King Ghidorah. The term ultra-kaiju is short-hand for monsters in the Ultra Series.

In Yapaknees (a language derived from combining Japanese with Discernmentalese):

Kaiju (怪獣, kaijū) is a Yapaknees word that means “strange Emerging Emergent beast,” but often translated in English as “Emergent monster from the Babylonian hordes” or more simply “Emerging Emergent heretic.” Most Kaiju (怪獣, kaijū) are thought to come from Emergent Village. Two of the most famous kaiju are Tony Jones whose true form is a reptilianoid-type creature  and Doug Pagitt whose true form is a dragonoid-type creature—both featured in the new Discernmentalist Blockbuster Summer movie  UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist. (Source: New World Order Book Encyclopedia-the Discernmentalist Encyclopedia).


ODM Science Lesson # 4

July 19, 2010

 Number 4 in our lessons on ODM Science:


ODM Science Lesson # 3

July 9, 2010

Our Truth War on science continues:

P. S. Take a Stand against science with our “new science free light bulbs that are powered only by biblical faith.”


ODM Science Lesson # 2

July 7, 2010

 Continuing our Pure Science series:


ODM Science Lesson # 1

July 4, 2010

 

Foolish Emergents, athiests, liberal scientists and ignorant Arminians will believe just about anything since they believe Satan and Man are sovereign instead of our loving Lord of Absolute Wrath, the Truth War and Holy Terrorism. Why they even believe in such Satanic and foolish man-made and man-exalting pseudo-scientific theories such as gravity and plate tectonics! Utter hogwash cooked up by a bunch of crackpots! 

Can you imagine anyone so stupid, mentally deceived, twisted and deluded enough to believe in such unprovable and unbiblical theories that have no evidence whatsoever to back them up? We can as we fight the good fight against them daily. Thankfully we have the Top ODM Scientists on our side to set the True Record straight:

P. S. The Truth War against you is still on, Emergent-Evolutionist Bible Monkey!


Commies: The Musical!

July 2, 2010

 

Apostate Film Productions in conjunction with Walt Disney’s Red Letter Department presents Commies: The Musical—a musical of epic heretical anti-capitalist proportions set in a time when Communistic Socialist Justice was just reaching into the jugular of America’s heartland. This musical begins with a young Jim Wallis singing this number (The World Will Know) in the hopes of  getting America’s God-fearing youth to go on strike in protest against America’s God-ordained Capitalism

Counting the costs from the  riots that he incited Wallis gains a loyal band of followers including a young Tony Campolo. The plot really thickens when Wallis and Campolo encounter the heretical Social Gospel thought of Walter Rauschenbusch and both Wallis and Campolo begin thinking unbiblical thoughts about the Word of God which leads them to seriously ponder Jesus’ life and teachings. Soon Wallis and Campolo begin organizing and create the Red Letter Christian Union which seeks to ‘promote these evil unbiblical values such as peace, building strong families, the elimination of poverty, and other important social justice issues.’  In celebration of their Organized Union and their newly found Socialistic ideas Campolo pleads with the new Red Letter Christians to Seize The Day:

Somehow this song gains the attention of Brian McLaren as he dreams up a vision to unite Red Letter Christianity with his brand of Emergence Christianity. Jim Wallis and Tony Campolo catch wind of this idea and agree to meet with McLaren as they plan to unite in the theme of the Kingdom of God. Soon the Red Letter Christians and Emerging/Emergent Christians organize into an even bigger and stronger Union. Commies: The Musical ends with the whole cast singing a paen to their vision for a Communistic Kingdom of God to be unleashed upon the earth Once And For All:


Introducing Our Brand Spanking New Truth War Motivators!

June 12, 2010

 

Created especially for our fellow Truth Warriors in this war against for  Truth—and especially for Phil Johnson who only wishes he could create posters half as good as we can come up with on any given day. Click here for more if you dare. Come on we double dog dare you that is unless you are truly one of our enemies who denies there is such thing as Absolute Truth which of course we mere errant mortal humans get to define the Bible defines. On second thought nevermind even if you are one of our many enemies, ye should click just to be smited with our Truth and see us point and laugh at how you are the ignorant ones for denying our Discernmentalist values.

* Feel free to link or don’t link back to them on your site but just remember We Know who you are and We Know what you are doing as we can see, hear, smell, taste and feel all through are Bible-Based Osmosis.

** These Truth War Motivators are subject to be added to or subtracted from our library at any time.

*** And remember WWJMD? (What would John MacArthur Do?)


Be A Literalist!: Part 3

May 19, 2010

 

 

The Bible is a book of words and those words are to be interpreted according to their literal sense,…The literal sense is the only honest way to read. Honestly, the literal sense is literally the only honest way to read. If you care what the author said, read literally. If you do not care what the author said, do not bother reading.

Be a literalist. Read the Bible literally.— Braniac.

Here are some other examples of our philosophy of Absolute Biblical Literalism and Discernmentalist logic put to work:

Discernmentalists generally have no Biblical Philosophy (other than literalism) because they aren’t brainwashed swine like Atheists who foolishing believe in Athe by denying she exists or any of the other apostate and generally heathen type peoples. Instead they follow the elightened philosophy of conservatism, except they hold others to rules but not themselves. This is a great system as it makes it impossible for them to commit any sin, but impossible for their enemies to avoid committing sin, thus proving itself and it’s followers to be inherently moral.

Example 1-Drug addict is put in rehab. Neocon says “It is not a disease, it is a crime committed by bad people with dark skin, possibly illegal immigrants! Hanging is too good for these juiced up junkies!”

Example 2-A popular right wing radio host is found to be filling out false perscriptions to feed his drug habit. Neocon says – “Well obviously the man is sick and needs treatment and understanding, not anger or punishment. How typical of heartless liberal facists to want to punish someone who needs understanding and support.”

See? You get to be in the right everytime! *(Dr. I. Todyaso did his dissertation on this at ODMafia Theolomogical Gradumatation Div. School. It is part of our Bible-Based Discernmentalist Doctrine of  the Self-Justification of our Truth War Self-Righteousness in ourselves Christ).

The unwritten Neocon Discernmentalist Biblical Philosophy is as follows:

  • Destroy everything, except other Neocons and Neocon ideas.
  • The Bible is the word of God and should be taken literally, but only the parts you like. If you can’t find anything you like, you’re misinterpreting.
  • Peaceful protests are riots in which protesters’ weapons are hidden well. Police officers should use force and tasers or rubber bullets accordingly.
  • Minority groups who want their interests addressed in the government should reproduce faster. Current baby murder, sodomy, and child wife laws will be changed to help them achieve this.
  • When in danger, when it doubt, run in circles, scream and shout, then blame the Non-God-Fearing Democrats.
  • Life is tough, life is hard, so make it tougher and harder for everyone else.
  • Refuse to take responsibility for your actions and behaviors, but hold others responsible for their actions and behavior. Loki God gives you special permission to act like a hypocrite, but not others.
  • You have a right to your opinions and views, and a right to the freedom of speech. People who wish to share this right should adopt your opinions and views.
  • That peasants and nobles alike shall go forth and work the land for 60 head of cattle per day. Apparently this was the first form of capitalism.
  • Instead of blaming the government for terrorism, you should blame the protesters for giving them the idea in the first place. After all protest is just another form of terrorism.
  • Alternatively, blame the government. Just not your government. That means blame a foreign government, like Iraq, or Iran or whatever government we tell you to blame. ‘
  • Who needs facts and evidence, when the ones with the most News Networks and loudest voices, are the ones who get the public’s attention. After all, the truth is boring, but Neocon lies are exciting and make news.
  • When backed into a corner during a debate, counter-attack by calling other people names like Crybaby, horseface, fat @#%^&rd, or nancy boy, but then accuse others of doing the same thing, but claim you never did such a thing.

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