Be Rapture-Ready for May 21, 2011!

May 17, 2011

Prepare for May 21st and be Rapture Ready with the Online Discernmentalist Mafia’s handy new RaptureHatch for the roofs of True Churches and the homes of True Regenerate Converts. Doomsday is soon approaching… Don’t get Left Behind with the unregenerate non-Elect heathens… Let John MacArthur confirm you in our Pure Truth War Doctrines and prove that you are indeed Rapture Ready and we’ll install a RaptureHatch on your roof today!

This site (an Online Discernmentalist Mafia partner site) reveals the most complete written, audio, and video Bible teachings which conclusively prove May 21, 2011 to be Judgment Day and The Rapture, and October 21, 2011 to be the end of the world. It is most urgent to examine yourself, whether you are of the Regenerate Elect and therefore are saved.


Bow down to the King of kings… OR ELSE!

May 17, 2010

One of the greatest theologians of our day Lemmy, has written the greatest ODM worship song ever. Enjoy!


The Mighty Slice of Laodicea Retreats back to its lair.

March 19, 2010

The once mighty and slightly nasty Slice of Laodicea (SoL) has began a retreat to its secret Crosstalk lair. It seems that it is too costly to maintain the hate on more than one site so they ahve abandoned the SoL site. All teh hate one could want to read is now over at their Crosstalk blog where the Cross is rarely talked about but all the gossip on the people we love to hate is there! We here at the ODMafia only feel shame, embarrassment and dishonor at this major setback of one of the major players in the Hate Truth War. We are seriously considering revoking Ingrid’s SODUM membership.


Online Discernment Lesson # 5 – Labeling others as liberals

March 7, 2010

We must reiterate that we are in a truth war. Therefore, our weapons are not of flesh and blood but of labeling and censoring others. Thank-goodness you have our pure doctrines, based of overwhelming and truthful bible teaching that you won’t find anywhere else these days. Shucks…we are the best.

Nevertheless, we are in an awful truth war, and if it wasn’t for our remnant ministry there would be no where else to turn. Therefore, without further ado lets introduce Online Discernment Lesson # 5. Students this is a must….you need to learn to label others before they label you.

Step 1: When someone comes up with a new or different idea – call them a liberal.

Step 2: When someone comes up with a theological construct you have never heard before – call them a liberal.

Step 3: When someone attempts to use words like creative, imagination etc – call them a liberal.

Step 4: If someone disagrees with you – call them a liberal.

Step 5: If someone admits to doubting – call them a liberal.

Step 6: If someone does not assert the absolute truth – call them a liberal.

Step 7: If someone says anything positive above peace or Canada – call them a liberal.

Step 8: If someone disparages capitalism – call them a liberal.

Remember, this helps to shut down discussion. Indeed, it helps to control the situation, putting the apostate liberal in his/her place.

Any questions? I think not.

Dr. Truthslayer
PS We high recommend reviewing Lesson #4


Baptist Pastor Calls Calvinists “Grace-hating Man-loving Man-exalting Semi-Pelagian Arminian Heretics!”

February 20, 2010

Our Research Robot Monkeys have been working day and night lately so it seems. Just last night they stumbled upon horrid information which concerns us—here is a disturbing quote made by a “so-called” Baptist pastor:

There is a tendency in most of our churches to accept almost any “decision” as a real conversion, without even asking a basic question or two from the person who makes such a “decision.” They are instantly baptized with no questions asked. This method has filled our churches with unconverted people by the millions.

As a direct result of the failure of “decisionism,” a new interest in Calvinism has arisen. Calvinism is the fastest growing movement today among Baptists and other evangelicals. But while the new Calvinism theoretically explains the reason for the failure of “decisionism,” at least so far, it has not cured “decisionism.” Why? Because modern Calvinism has only explained conversion theoretically. It has not adequately applied the doctrines of total depravity and grace. Therefore, almost anyone who mentally agrees with its basic doctrines is quickly proclaimed converted and taken into the church without actually going through the experience of conversion outlined by Spurgeon in the quotation I just gave. As a result modern Calvinism explains the errors of “decisionism,” but does not cure them. In fact, the mere assent to, and belief in, the doctrines of Calvinism have become little more than a new form of “decisionism,” in a subtler form. The man who makes a “decision” to believe the doctrines is proclaimed saved! If he can explain the Calvinistic “doctrines of grace” he is accepted into the church with no questions asked about his own experience of conversion. Thus, thousands learn to explain the meaning of TULIP, and are, upon the ability to explain these doctrines, pronounced converted and taken into the churches. Therefore modern Calvinism has in no instance been connected in any way with true revival and is, in fact, little better than the average solid “decisionist” churches.

Notice that I am not speaking either for or against the doctrines they teach. I am simply saying that belief in doctrines, even true doctrines, is a mental form of “decisionism.” When you “decide” to believe the doctrines you are considered saved. This, in my view, is the weakness and error of modern Calvinism. Why? Because conversion is far more than a simple mental agreement with a list of doctrines, even true doctrines. Thus, modern Calvinism has tended to produce nothing adequate to actually cure the error of “decisionism” that has weakened our churches and filled them with so many lost souls. In fact, most of the modern Calvinists I have spoken with are still unconverted themselves. For the most part they are resting in what the older Calvinists of centuries past would call a “false hope” – the false hope that belief in correct doctrine is the equivalent of true conversion. But “doctrinal belief” is not true conversion. If the modern Calvinistic movement realizes that, and applies their doctrines, they might very well see many real conversions, and perhaps even true revival. But they must discover again the old methods of evangelism and preach “the old truths” to the unconverted Calvinists in their own congregations, or else, in spite of their doctrinal belief in Calvinism, I fear that many modern Calvinists will go into “the fire that never shall be quenched. Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched” (Mark 9:43-44).

You see there—he just called our Pure Doctrines “Grace-hating Man-loving Man-exalting Semi-Pelagian Heresy”  by saying that:

the doctrines of Calvinism have become little more than a new form of “decisionism,” in a subtler form. The man who makes a “decision” to believe the doctrines is proclaimed saved! If he can explain the Calvinistic “doctrines of grace” he is accepted into the church with no questions asked about his own experience of conversion. Thus, thousands learn to explain the meaning of TULIP, and are, upon the ability to explain these doctrines, pronounced converted and taken into the churches.

As  we all know Decisionism is nothing but  “Grace-hating Man-loving Man-exalting Semi-Pelagian Heresy” aka Free-Willing Arminianism and as we also know Pure Doctrines always produce True Converts. Spurgeon would have a heart-attack if he were alive today to witness such a “Downgrade” against Pure Doctrines. We also know that Calvinism and Decisionism are oxymorons as Calvinism aka the Doctrines of Grace aka the Pure and True Gospel of God’s Grace has nothing to do with exercising Free Will to make a decision about anything as God has already made all decisions from the foundation of the world by an unchangeable Absolute Decree. Arminians attack God’s Absolute Sovereignty which is evil in and of itself but it is even more evil to attack the Absolute Sovereignty of our Pure Doctines. Sharin’ Whiplash‘s evil twin Witless Sharon upon hearing  Dr. R. L. Hymers, Jr.’s teachings against our Sound Doctrines responded with this attack:

One of my all-time heroes of the faith. What a great man, and greatly used of God. Thank You, Lord, for Your servant, Dr. R. L. Hymers, Jr, without whom we would be still struggling in the darkness of Romanist Genevan Papist Calvinism, that man-exalting heresy.

Clearly this proves how heretical Baptists truly are even Reformed Baptists as Reformed and Baptist are oxymorons since Baptists were never Truly Reformed to begin with. We ask you this Discernmentalists—did you make a decision by exercise of Free Will to become a Calvinist or be a disciple of the Pure Doctrines of Grace and if so we would like to know when and at what time? Also did you freely choose to be Calvinist either by reading TULIP into the Bible apart from a prior reading of Calvin’s Institutes of the Christian Religion or hearsay from others or by making a “decision” to believe the Pure Doctrines of Grace after hearing a Calvinistic sermon preached? See how errant Dr. R. L. Hymers, Jr.’s teachings against our Sound Doctrines are—We Know because  we told you so.

P. S. On a serious note we recommend these excellent resources on Calvin and Calvinism: The Many Faces of John CalvinThe Unaccommodated Calvin: Studies in the Foundation of a Theological Tradition , http://www.pcusa.org/today/index.htm, Elected to What ?!, How Meeting Real Christians from Different Traditions Makes a Real Difference and What is ‘Oasis’?.

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