November 29, 2019
Using his discernmentalist skills Paul Proctor is quoted as saying “The reports are everywhere now about the declining numbers of church members and baptisms – especially among Southern Baptists…Everyone is trying to figure out what’s wrong.” Having insight into God’s will Proctor notes “This might come as a shock to many, but I would suggest that the answer here might just be nothing is wrong – that those declining numbers that are troubling the pulpits of American churches right now may well be God’s will being carried out by His own being called out of a growing apostasy flourishing within them.”
Of course it could be that the numbers have been over exaggerated by attendees who never actually go to church, or members defecting to other denominations, or house churches….but we digress…
Paul further states “If God is in control, as so many of today’s church members are fond of saying – then He must also be in control of the declining numbers.” However, we do not want to blame God for Paul Proctor presumptuous claims…we at the ODMafia however do want to claim him as an expert discernmentalist
…if he can read the mind of God…we want him on our side.
October 24, 2019
Paula White; woman pastor; one of Trump’s Evangelical advisors
“I’m voting for an ideology that is closer to Scripture,” MacArthur (PBUH) said. “Because [the Republican platform] is political responsibility, work, it has a place for the Bible, it has a place for God, it understands the necessity of a family, it understands the role of government is primarily to carry a sword to threaten evildoers and protect those who do well.”
What does this ideology that is closer to Scripture include? Women Pastors of course: “Take it from the woman dubbed President Trump’s “personal pastor.” The Donald Trump that Florida evangelical minister Paula White sees is a good listener, a man who takes his faith seriously while not always being fluent in “Christianese” and, unlike so many of his predecessors, a politician who has kept his promises to faith voters and evangelical Christian groups after he won the presidency with the help of their votes.” (Source)
“Paula White-Cain is also a female pastor, and by promoting her book, (Robert) Jeffress and Jack Graham (two-term president of the SBC) are backing a woman who, according to their denomination, is not submitting to “those roles assigned to her by God” (at a time when others in their tradition are prominently clashing over this very issue). In addition, White-Cain is divorced, and in SBC circles, “divorce culture” represents one of the most significant threats facing American society.” (Source)
We are shocked—shocked—how could our Beloved Pope (PBUH) have erred so gravely? What’s next will the Prosperity Gospel be deemed okay? Can we deny the Trinity and still be considered an orthodox Christian? Stay tuned to the ODMafia and let us do all the Discernmentalism for you!
August 2, 2019
Super discernmentalist Paul Proctor notes “Driving across town the other day, I passed by a church that always displays an inspirational message on their sign out front. Such messages are very common these days and often quite thought provoking. The one I saw most recently had me thinking all the way home.
It read: “Churches are hospitals for sinners, not museums for saints.”
“How sad and true, I thought to myself. Churches have become hospitals for sinners, haven’t they? They used to be spiritual fortresses built in enemy territory where soldiers for Christ were recruited, trained and equipped for doing battle against sin and evil in society with open bibles, convicted hearts and committed lives.”
We at ODMafia like the good old days when we could burn heretics at the stake. Or going further back in time, like St. Paul’s Corinthian church (the golden age) where good old fashioned believers had sex with their step moms and they got waisted during communion. Sigh….we wish we could go back to when times were better.
—ODMafia fortified with Our Truth
May 20, 2010
The ODMafia is now offering 1 hour Calvinizing to make sure you are clean before Jesus. Yes, make you Election sure with 1 hour Calvinizing!
April 25, 2010
The ODmafia Research Robot Monkeys have been doing their homework and discovered this incredible discernmentalist insight by Paul Proctor “Today, they’re [church‘] largely filled with bedridden believers who pass the time in and out small group therapy, languishing over their ills and misfortunes – forever discussing their aches and pains with anyone who’ll listen – lying around moaning and groaning about daily discomforts, inconveniences and “felt needs””
How does Paul know this?
1) Paul gets his information the same way I do, he intercepts the brainwaves of parishioners from across the continent and draws judgmental conclusions from it.
2) Paul Proctor has spent billions of hours in churches across America
My immediate inclination (which is always correct) is that Paul Proctor has a special discernmentalist vortex that allows him to see into the minds of others….instead of having to attend 10’s of thousands of churches every sunday, interviewing, polling to ascertain who is a moaner and who is a groaner (when we’re really lucky – its both!!!)
Pay no attention to the fact that Mr. Proctor is moaning and groaning about his fellow believers. Its simply enough that he is pointing out the ills of others… and we submit that we like this sort of discernment….in fact we advocate it.