Introducing our all new Discernmentalist Decoder Rings!

November 3, 2019

decoderdis

ON SALE NOW FOR 2+2 DOLLARS: THAT’S ONLY $10 A REAL VALUE!

Dr. Paul McCain continues to allow his emotions to skew his exegesis of Scripture when he disagrees with Discernmentalists’ misinterpretation of: “Here is the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!” In fact we believe he isn’t Protestant at all just like Luther who as we all know began the Protestant Reformation. Many believe Luther was Reformed but as we’ve Discernmentalized Luther didn’t hold True to the Purity of Discernmentalist Doctrine as he shaved his beard off and celebrated Christmas and Easter also against our Clear Teachings on their Pagan Catholic origins. Dr. McCain is theologically suspect as well as he writes in Double Presdestination:

Ah, yes, the wonderfully reassuring Calvinist doctrine of God choosing some He
created to roast in hell.

Ok, kids, now get out your decoder rings, we
are going to read the Bible Calvinist style! Ready….here we go.

“All”
… dial in the code and you will see that really that word is “some”

“World” … dial in that code and you will see that word is really “some
of the world.”

You get the picture.

You see there he attacked the Truth of our Pure Doctrines. Thankfully we Discernmentalists have our Secret Decoder Rings handy so we know that all means some and world means Elect. We also have Discernmentalized through our rings that 2 +2=10. We wonder is Dr. McCain secretly a selachophile? Anyways you now can buy our Secret Decoder Rings—available at fine Discernmentalist stores in the US only! Never lack in knowing the right answer… always be prepared. Our Rings will make sure you hold True to the Right Doctrines! These Rings do so much more than change κόσμος (universe) to ἐκλεκτός (Elect)/ἐκκλησία (assembly) or πᾶς (all) to ὀλίγοι (few)—they also help Discernmentalists decode secret heresies within our many enemies. Never leave home without one…order soon limited quantities available…

Act now and receive one free with every copy of our Revised Discernmentalist Draft Codebook of Biblical Languages and get a free Truly Reformed Mathematics Cheat-book with every purchase for only 9 + 9 dollars: that’s a $18 value for only $12—Rings included!

 

ODMafia Endorsed

 

 


Discernmentalist Church History 101: Solo Calvinus!

February 25, 2010

Discernmentalists here is one of the exciting new Free Online Discernmentalist Courses that we  are now offering. Discernmentalist Church History 101: Solo Calvinus—Pastor I. Todyaso recommends this course for all new Discernmentalists! We Know that all True Church History begins and ends with John Calvin. Sure we may use John Wesley and Martin Luther every now and then in our attacks on defense of Truth (except when they don’t even agree with us) but we are not even certain that these two men really exist. And we are Absolutely Certain that Karl Barth doesn’t exist.

We also Know that there were no True Christians before John Calvin and the only True Christians after John Calvin must follow him and Ronald Reagan (as Capitalism is unBiblical) exclusively. We Know Sola Scriptura, Sola Christus, Sola Gratia, Sola Fide really mean only our interpretation of Calvin‘s interpretation of Scripture is correct, you can only get to heaven by the Synods of Dort, the only True Grace is for Discernmentalists and you should have faith only in our interpretation of Calvin’s interpretation of  Scripture.

P. S. And remember Semper 1600’s—Always 1600’s always and Soli Calvinus et Noster Veritas Belli gloria—for the glory of Calvin and our Truth Wars alone. 

P. P. S. Dr. Arthur  McJohn reminds you to burn an Anabaptist in Calvin’s honor as a prerequisite for taking our course so that we’ll know that you are Truly Hardcore Deformed Reformed enough like these guys are to pass our tests of True Orthodoxy.

Drs. Don Jobson, Truthslayer, I. Todyaso and Arthur McJohn—your Professors of Discernmentalist Divisional and Revisional Church History.


%d bloggers like this: