Commies: The Musical!

July 2, 2010

 

Apostate Film Productions in conjunction with Walt Disney’s Red Letter Department presents Commies: The Musical—a musical of epic heretical anti-capitalist proportions set in a time when Communistic Socialist Justice was just reaching into the jugular of America’s heartland. This musical begins with a young Jim Wallis singing this number (The World Will Know) in the hopes of  getting America’s God-fearing youth to go on strike in protest against America’s God-ordained Capitalism

Counting the costs from the  riots that he incited Wallis gains a loyal band of followers including a young Tony Campolo. The plot really thickens when Wallis and Campolo encounter the heretical Social Gospel thought of Walter Rauschenbusch and both Wallis and Campolo begin thinking unbiblical thoughts about the Word of God which leads them to seriously ponder Jesus’ life and teachings. Soon Wallis and Campolo begin organizing and create the Red Letter Christian Union which seeks to ‘promote these evil unbiblical values such as peace, building strong families, the elimination of poverty, and other important social justice issues.’  In celebration of their Organized Union and their newly found Socialistic ideas Campolo pleads with the new Red Letter Christians to Seize The Day:

Somehow this song gains the attention of Brian McLaren as he dreams up a vision to unite Red Letter Christianity with his brand of Emergence Christianity. Jim Wallis and Tony Campolo catch wind of this idea and agree to meet with McLaren as they plan to unite in the theme of the Kingdom of God. Soon the Red Letter Christians and Emerging/Emergent Christians organize into an even bigger and stronger Union. Commies: The Musical ends with the whole cast singing a paen to their vision for a Communistic Kingdom of God to be unleashed upon the earth Once And For All:


Be A Literalist!: Part 1

May 11, 2010

We must set the record straight—- the Bible is the Literal Word of God. What this Literally means is that the human words which make up the Bible contain the Literal mind of God. We Know as we were there when God Literally dictated them to humanity. Our field agent Brainiac further explains:

The Bible is a book of words and those words are to be interpreted according to their literal sense, which means in the same sense that the author understood them. This is a principle called the Sensus Literalis, and it is an important rule of hermeneutics. If we do not interpret the words in the same sense as the author, then we obscure the author’s meaning and impose our own. If we read our own meaning in the place of God’s meaning; then we are no longer reading God’s word but our own. Therefore, we must take care to interpret the Bible literally.

We interpret the Bible literally by following the ordinary rules of language; a noun is to be read as a noun, a verb as a verb, and so on. No matter what we read or in what language we read it, a statement is always a statement and a question is always a question.

Utilizing our Absolute Biblical Certainty and our Discernmentalist logic, we will show you how to apply a literal hermeneutic to the Bible:

 This is literally Jesus:

This also is literally Jesus:

And here is something else that is literally Jesus:

Stay tuned for part 2 of our exhilirating fresh new course straight from the bowels of the GOIP Online Discernmentalist Bible-Literalist Institutes aka LifeWay Press!


Pirate Radio Invents A New Biblical Theology Detector

May 5, 2010

Worried that your church or your home may be infiltrated by Emergents  or any of the other heretical type reprobated people like Catholics, New Age Apostates and Arminians? Never fear Pirate Radio has teamed up with we of God’s Only Inerrant Party and the Online Discernmentalist Mafia to bring you the new Multi-Zone Biblical Theology Detector. Now you can verify if someone has Biblical Theology or not before they even come into your vicinity. Just place our Multi-Zone Biblical Theology Detector near a doorway, gate or anyother type of entryway and let the Multi-Zone Biblical Theology Detector work it’s magic for you.

The Multi-Zone Biblical Theology Detector will automatically detect if someone has Biblically verifiable theology or wishy-washy ignore-it-or-make-it-up-or-change-it-to-suit-us so-called theology. If someone has Biblically verifiable theology the green Pass sign will light up while playing a Bible-Based tune like the hit song and theme song of GOIP-Lander: God Hates The World or it’s love theme: Broken Wings. However if someone has wishy-washy ignore-it-or-make-it-up-or-change-it-to-suit-us so-called theology the red Alarm sign will frantically flash while sending volts of electricity into the perpetrator and also filling their ears with loud and foul sounds.

You’ll never have to worry about the ungodly and unbiblical ever infiltrating your Holy grounds again with the Multi-Zone Biblical Theology Detector protecting the Purity of your Doctrines and the Sanctity of  your vicinity. Now you can remain unsensitive to Seekers with ease with the Multi-Zone Biblical Theology Detector doing all the work for you. The Multi-Zone Biblical Theology Detector not only works on people but also on pets and objects as well. It also functions as an Absolute Truth detector and also verifies Biblically-correct theology in books. The Multi-Zone Biblical Theology Detector also comes in a version for automobiles and other vehicles—never let the ungodly ride with you. Customer  satisfaction guarenteed!

One of our satisfied customers after using our Multi-Zone Biblical Theology Detector:

pirate77 said…Intolerant fool? If you are not tolerant of Todd Friel, what does that make you? I’ll take his Biblically verifiable theology over the wishy-washy ignore-it-or-make-it-up-or-change-it-to-suit-us so-called theology that has been initiated by people like Joel Osteen, Brian McLaren (whom you seem to love) and Doug Pagitt, just to name a few. —May 4, 2010 11:23 AM

Irrelevent!

April 2, 2010

The University of ODMafa excels at being irrelevant to the unbiblical Chrisitian mainstream, but always relevant to true bible believers. By making an argument that includes redundant facts, information that has no connection whatsoever to reality can have its advantage; it confuses people who are against the absolute truth. We believe that by padding our research with information that is not pertinent, or applicable to the argument at hand we think it helps to throw the enemies off. When we mean enemies, we mean the Anglican Church, Church of the Nazarene Emergents, regular Emergent apostates, Arminians, Wesleyans, Roman Catholics (which goes without saying), anyone to who contemplates the bible (ie contemplatives), and people who have read, or endorse any Rob Bell books or feed the poor (in which case they could be communists).

For instance, was Rob Bell once sited with the Dalai Lama? If so that makes Rob a Buddhist. Did Rick Warren pray at Obama’s inauguration? That makes Warren a Democrat and it must mean he fully endorses everything he stands for. Of course the connections could be relevant, but we know that for discernmentalists all connections no matter how minor are brought front and center… and made the focal point of discussion and emphasis.

We believe that this tool of Irrelevancy is so important. We encourage you to enroll in our program today and learn how to throw off the enemies by including non-sense, hearsay, and hogwash to your argument. Confusion and chaos are excellent tools protecting the truth! Besides, I’ll be teaching this course and have learned from the very best discernmentalists!

Earn a certificate today!

Dr. Truthslayer


Using the broadbrush!

April 1, 2010

Discernmentalists (that is the biblical ones) KNOW that we must paint the world with a broad brush. If one Emerging is a heretic all Emergings are heretics. The many are judged by one. This also goes for Roman Catholics. We can’t judge them by commonalities such as the Nicene or Apostles Creed, or holding to the divinity of Jesus or his resurrection. No, we must judge them entirely on the basis of secondary issues such as prayers to Mary…. and if some do it, they all do it. Therefore, they are all false and not Christian.

Of course we wouldn’t do that to our fellow Protestants. The Episcopal Church in the USA ordained a gay bishop, Benny Hinn produces very questionable…ahem miracles, John Hagee denied the Messiahship of Christ, and Ted Haggard came out gay. There are numerous understandings to authority of scripture, some do not teach inerrancy, and others don’t necessarily understand sola scriptura (or even teach it) the same way… yet we do not entirely reject Protestantism wholesale. We’re all about consistency…right?

Truthslayer


United We Stand Against Social Justice!

March 21, 2010

We are not Ecumenical as Ecumenism compromises our Pure Doctrines and the True Gospel…. but…. United We Stand…in our diverse ways of  hatred. United we stand in bigotry and arrogance. United We stand in slandering and libel. United We stand in haughtiness. United We stand in Discernmentalism, greed and True Americanism…United We Stand as DUASJ (Discernmentalists United Against Social Justice).

We Know that Social Justice is evil. We Know that Social Justice is anti-American. We Know that Jesus never talked about Social Justice at all. We Know that Jesus only talked about buying a ticket to Heaven for the Elect and the Elect chosen and frozen few only as that is the Gospel. We also Know that Social Justice is a code word for Communism, Marxism and Socialism as Jan Markell explains:

The causes of the religious Left are exclusively social, socialism, and social justice (just another term for socialism.)  You can read about them on the various Web sites such as the National Council of Churches (NCC).  Some representatives are more extreme than others, but most are cozying up to “liberation theology,” various Marxist dictators, amnesty for illegals (also being promoted by the National Association of Evangelicals), socialized medicine, pacifism, opposition to welfare reform, and even a resistance to a missile shield for America!  Some of them even want a “truth commission” to examine U.S. war atrocities.  And for this crowd, “Obamacare” is a dream come true. As I write this, they are denouncing the few pro-life Democrats who could bring “Obamacare” to a halt.

We also Know that there is no such thing as Social Injustice and that the only social sins are homosexuality and abortion as Jan Markell further states:

And then there is Jim Wallis, who represents a ministry known as Sojourners. He’s a 1960s Communist who worked with the radical Students for a Democratic Society (SDS). He realized he had to moderate to the center and be a socialist as the years went by. He is making appearances on Christian college campuses and hitting it out of the park with his messages. His thrust is to get students to quit focusing on abortion and same-sex marriage and, start to think about “social justice” issues. 

 Discernmentalists, We must take a stand in our diverse ways of  hatred against Social Justice as Discernmentalists United Against Social Justice. Together we can make a difference in our diverse ways of fear-mongering so that we can halt the Communist menace that is out to destroy Our America, Our Gospel, Our Churches and Our Pure Doctrines.


Todd Friel Caught Violating John MacArthur’s Pure Doctrines On Romans 13

March 9, 2010

“Now listen to this. It doesn’t matter whether your ruler is Caesar, Herod, Pilate, Felix, Fetus, Agrippa, Stalin, Hitler, Winston Churchill, Bill Clinton, it doesn’t matter who it is, he says be subject, you teach them to be subject.” — Pastor John MacArthur  (#1 Truth Warrior).

Using John MacArthur’s (#1 Truth Warrior) Absolute Biblical Certainty, we’ve caught Todd Friel (Wretched) violating John MacArthur’s (#1 Truth Warrior) Absolutely Biblically correct Bible-Based Literalist interpretation of Romans 13 which is as follows:

Romans 13:1-7 (ESV)John MacArthur (#1 Truth Warrior) Edition:

[1] Let every person be subject to Hitler. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. [2] Therefore whoever resists Hitler resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. [3] For Hitler is not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of Hitler? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, [4] for he is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer. [5] Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God’s wrath but also for the sake of conscience. [6] For the same reason you also pay taxes, for the authorities are ministers of God, attending to this very thing. [7] Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.

Reusing John MacArthur’s (#1 Truth Warrior) ilLogic and Eric Barger and Chris Pajak‘s Bibe Verse-e-nator I*segesis Generator our Research Robot Monkeys have parsed out words and generated this string of John MacArthur (#1 Truth Warrior)-based Bible verses for Romans 13:

Romans 13:1-7 (ESV)— John MacArthur (#1 Truth Warrior) And Sean Penn Hybrid Edition:

[1] Let every person be subject to Hugo Chávez. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. [2] Therefore whoever resists Hugo Chávez resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. [3] For Hugo Chávez is not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of Hugo Chávez? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, [4] for he is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer. [5] Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God’s wrath but also for the sake of conscience. [6] For the same reason you also pay taxes, for the authorities are ministers of God, attending to this very thing. [7] Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.

Indeed Todd you need to Obey John MacArthur’s (#1 Truth Warrior) Truth Wars ™ Doctrines more fully as does Brannon Howse, Glenn Beck and Doug Parris or  else face God’s Wrath as John MacArthur (#1 Truth Warrior) is never wrong in his Absolute Biblical Certainty of Absolute Truth. And remember never protest the government in any form as that is rebellion and rebellion is of the devil—however, Martin Luther and John Calvin’s protest and rebellion against the Pope’s God Ordained governmental authority was exempt because We and John MacArthur (#1 Truth Warrior) whom hold the Absolute Truth are always Right! 

 

 


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