May 11, 2010
We must set the record straight—- the Bible is the Literal Word of God. What this Literally means is that the human words which make up the Bible contain the Literal mind of God. We Know as we were there when God Literally dictated them to humanity. Our field agent Brainiac further explains:
The Bible is a book of words and those words are to be interpreted according to their literal sense, which means in the same sense that the author understood them. This is a principle called the Sensus Literalis, and it is an important rule of hermeneutics. If we do not interpret the words in the same sense as the author, then we obscure the author’s meaning and impose our own. If we read our own meaning in the place of God’s meaning; then we are no longer reading God’s word but our own. Therefore, we must take care to interpret the Bible literally.
We interpret the Bible literally by following the ordinary rules of language; a noun is to be read as a noun, a verb as a verb, and so on. No matter what we read or in what language we read it, a statement is always a statement and a question is always a question.
Utilizing our Absolute Biblical Certainty and our Discernmentalist logic, we will show you how to apply a literal hermeneutic to the Bible:
This is literally Jesus:
This also is literally Jesus:
And here is something else that is literally Jesus:
Stay tuned for part 2 of our exhilirating fresh new course straight from the bowels of the GOIP Online Discernmentalist Bible-Literalist Institutes aka LifeWay Press!
April 2, 2010
The University of ODMafa excels at being irrelevant to the unbiblical Chrisitian mainstream, but always relevant to true bible believers. By making an argument that includes redundant facts, information that has no connection whatsoever to reality can have its advantage; it confuses people who are against the absolute truth. We believe that by padding our research with information that is not pertinent, or applicable to the argument at hand we think it helps to throw the enemies off. When we mean enemies, we mean the Anglican Church, Church of the Nazarene Emergents, regular Emergent apostates, Arminians, Wesleyans, Roman Catholics (which goes without saying), anyone to who contemplates the bible (ie contemplatives), and people who have read, or endorse any Rob Bell books or feed the poor (in which case they could be communists).
For instance, was Rob Bell once sited with the Dalai Lama? If so that makes Rob a Buddhist. Did Rick Warren pray at Obama’s inauguration? That makes Warren a Democrat and it must mean he fully endorses everything he stands for. Of course the connections could be relevant, but we know that for discernmentalists all connections no matter how minor are brought front and center… and made the focal point of discussion and emphasis.
We believe that this tool of Irrelevancy is so important. We encourage you to enroll in our program today and learn how to throw off the enemies by including non-sense, hearsay, and hogwash to your argument. Confusion and chaos are excellent tools protecting the truth! Besides, I’ll be teaching this course and have learned from the very best discernmentalists!
Earn a certificate today!
April 1, 2010
Discernmentalists (that is the biblical ones) KNOW that we must paint the world with a broad brush. If one Emerging is a heretic all Emergings are heretics. The many are judged by one. This also goes for Roman Catholics. We can’t judge them by commonalities such as the Nicene or Apostles Creed, or holding to the divinity of Jesus or his resurrection. No, we must judge them entirely on the basis of secondary issues such as prayers to Mary…. and if some do it, they all do it. Therefore, they are all false and not Christian.
Of course we wouldn’t do that to our fellow Protestants. The Episcopal Church in the USA ordained a gay bishop, Benny Hinn produces very questionable…ahem miracles, John Hagee denied the Messiahship of Christ, and Ted Haggard came out gay. There are numerous understandings to authority of scripture, some do not teach inerrancy, and others don’t necessarily understand sola scriptura (or even teach it) the same way… yet we do not entirely reject Protestantism wholesale. We’re all about consistency…right?