June 30, 2010
Eric Barger reveals “The REAL Purpose of the Church” by giving a sneak preview of what’s in store for all True ODM Churches in these Last Days. What’s in store for all Pure ODM Churches taking a stand for Absolute Truth you may ask? Why! Nothing but the blessed rapture! (Thanks to one of our Reasearch Robot Monkeys for catching this).
However we are not quite satisfied with that answer as we are not quite in the Last Days of this Great Tribulation of Emergent apostasy—because of this we must continue to stand for Truth so that we will be ready—Rapture Ready when the blessed rapture occurs before Jesus returns and comes to slay all the non-Elect unregenerate reprobates.
Are you ready? Here is our list of what one must do to be ready in order to prepare for the blessed rapture:
- Unconditionally support every act of Israel even their acts of terrorism
- Unconditionally support USA-brand Imperialism
- Vote Obama and every Democrat out of office
- Smoke a Spurgeon-approved cigar
- Buy 667 copies of John MacArthur’s book The Truth War: Fighting for Certainty in an Age of Deception and leave one copy everywhere you go just in case one of the regenerate predestined Elect accidently stumbles upon a copy and awakens to their status of being among the regenerate predestined Elect
- Outlaw all abortion and homosexuality
- Use only a King James AV1611 Bible or ESV
- Burn any copy of Rick Warren’s Purpose Driven Life, Brian McLaren’s books or any other Emergent type book that you come across preferably while performing a Bible-Based animal sacrifice or while burning Emergent heretics themselves
- Read only the Online Discernmentalist Mafia, The Official Blog Of God’s Only Inerrant Party, Ken Silva and other ODMs to get your facts]
- Continue to be ever-vigilant and ever-valiant in your stand for our Absolute Biblical Truth
June 12, 2010
Created especially for our fellow Truth Warriors in this war against for Truth—and especially for Phil Johnson who only wishes he could create posters half as good as we can come up with on any given day. Click here for more if you dare. Come on we double dog dare you that is unless you are truly one of our enemies who denies there is such thing as Absolute Truth which of course we mere errant mortal humans get to define the Bible defines. On second thought nevermind even if you are one of our many enemies, ye should click just to be smited with our Truth and see us point and laugh at how you are the ignorant ones for denying our Discernmentalist values.
* Feel free to link or don’t link back to them on your site but just remember We Know who you are and We Know what you are doing as we can see, hear, smell, taste and feel all through are Bible-Based Osmosis.
** These Truth War Motivators are subject to be added to or subtracted from our library at any time.
*** And remember WWJMD? (What would John MacArthur Do?)
May 18, 2010
“Calvinists of the Caribean” is every discernmentals favourite pirate movie. We spelled Caribbean without the extra “B” so that we cannot be accused or associated with the pagan polythiest islanders “Caribs” of Lesser Antilles islands. Calvinists of the Caribean is truly an action adventure movie of the highest Calvinist caliber.
We find the adventurist Calvinists (ie sinless elect) establishing new way of living in this hot climate – bathing suit attire that must be comfortably fitted from neck to toe, forbid cards, secret workings of election and coming to bed by a biblical 9 PM. Just when our Calvinists of the Caribean had thought they had it all figured out….the dark pirate Black Rob Bell entires the stage…attempting explain the absolute truth using fancy words, and descriptive descriptions…..which upstages our downwind truth warriors with upwind ideas. Soon he is under suspicion of being an Arminian (or at least looking like one) with a cropped hairdo and trendy hipster glasses. Quickly the Calvinists of the Caribean swear (in a godly way,… not by earth or heaven) to take out (not on a date) this evil curse of the Black Rob Bell.
In theatres everywhere….
PS There is no real swearing in the movie. The Calvinists of the Caribean noted that their yeses were yeses and their no’s where no’s.