Number 4 in our lessons on ODM Science:
Introducing new science free light bulbs that are powered only by biblical faith. If it does not light up you can pretty much kiss your back end good bye – you lack faith and are likely not fit for heaven. We guarantee that these special light bulbs will NOT work with Roman Catholics, liberals, post-moderns, emergents and Rob Bell. We are confident that true believers (that is us and other online discernmentalist ministries) could light up entire crates of these special bulbs.
Order now and get a pair of free steak knives with every purchase!
Discernmentalists (that is the biblical ones) KNOW that we must paint the world with a broad brush. If one Emerging is a heretic all Emergings are heretics. The many are judged by one. This also goes for Roman Catholics. We can’t judge them by commonalities such as the Nicene or Apostles Creed, or holding to the divinity of Jesus or his resurrection. No, we must judge them entirely on the basis of secondary issues such as prayers to Mary…. and if some do it, they all do it. Therefore, they are all false and not Christian.
Of course we wouldn’t do that to our fellow Protestants. The Episcopal Church in the USA ordained a gay bishop, Benny Hinn produces very questionable…ahem miracles, John Hagee denied the Messiahship of Christ, and Ted Haggard came out gay. There are numerous understandings to authority of scripture, some do not teach inerrancy, and others don’t necessarily understand sola scriptura (or even teach it) the same way… yet we do not entirely reject Protestantism wholesale. We’re all about consistency…right?
Online Discernmentalists are always striving to be better than thy neighbour… and when we achieve that “betterness,” we like to point out just how good we are against how bad you are. That is why we bring you PUREX- Doctrinal Discernment Soap. It is the soap that is guaranteed to be the very purest for the connoisseur of discernmentalism.
No more fears with this product….
You can feel safe while washing your clothing because it will separate from pagans, non-Christians, liberals, Roman Catholics, Samaritans and emergents. This detergent prevents your clothing from mixing with the unclean! Guaranteed 100% Pure just like our doctrines.
Built in the ODMafia research & discernmentalist labs.
PS for external use only
Discernmentalists across North America are in gear to promote home-skoolin. We know that we are under attack. Our pure doctrines are set to fail if we can’t teach our kids a good edumacation. In that case, we need to keep em’ home and skool them in readn and bible learnen. By sheltering our kids from communist leaning skools, and making sure they don’t socialize we can set them straight so that they know the truth….the absolute truth.
We at ODmafia home-skool our kids and teach them only the TRUE TRUTH. In other words the only truth is the bible, and stuff like math, geography, history is false truth (secularism). We don’t need that stinkin’ secular thinkin, what we need is certainty and absolute pure doctrines.
Truthslayer approved, and a Don Jobson thumbs up!
PS iTodyaso will soon beginning a biblical home-school of discernmentalism for children.
Photograph: nowthatsnifty.blogspot.com (If for some reason you are blind or can’t read the reference in the photo!)