Elvis Furtick Worship!

October 20, 2011

It grieves me that Todd Friel (Wretched) has caught yet another symptom of those heretical Postmodern Emergents: Pastor Worship. [Praise John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.)!] I mean just look at these idiots [Glory be to Spurgeon (the Prince of Preachers)!] here:

Thankfully you will never catch us worshiping men [Thanks be to John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.)!] instead of Christ. I mean just look at any of our Discernmentalist websites with all of their glorious missiveness [May Spurgeon (the Prince of Preachers) be pleased!]. Remember these words from Phil Johnson (Hugh Jass) on Spurgeon (the Prince of Preachers): “Today Spurgeon is widely beloved — not only Baptists, but even a man like Thielike! — and yet during his day that was not true. Almost everyone today wants to claim Spurgeon — they think of him as a big theological teddybar and theological neutral and devotional in his preaching.

And also these words from Todd Friel (Wretched) on John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.): “Yes, there are godly, Christ-centered pastors who have very large churches, but they are definitely exceptions to the rule. A few that come to mind are Dr. John MacArthur, RC Sproul, and John Piper. Unfortunately, the average “evangelical” no longer wants solid teaching, so the men who are standing firmly on Scripture are leading small flocks.” Thankfully you have ministries like ours and Todd Friel’s to “expose the truth behind this contemporary, emergent, tolerance, new age, relevance movement going on today.” And to show you “the similarities in the worship of men rather then Christ. How some Church Pastors are being worshiped, just like pop icons are worshiped.”


Love Wins?

March 1, 2011

         

             A Blog Post by some of the Research Robot Monkeys

                          of the Online Discernmentalist Mafia:

Recently the ultra-mega sinfully ecumenical quasi-semi-Pelagian reprobated and heretical Universalist Emergent guru Rob Bell broke into the OD Mafia Headquarters. “Ho ho;” he said, “I’ve got Good News for you today…Love Wins.”

Alarmed by the disturbance our masters and heroes Dr. I . Todyaso, Dr. Truthslayer and Dr. Don Jobson quickly withdrew their weapons. Now brandishing their bullhorns in the manner of Todd Friel—they began to shout down that vile and Wretched sinner Rob Bell. Our heroes the OD Mafia proclaimed the True Gospel—the good news of God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath and commendable hatred towards all those whose doctrines are impure and theology is incorrect.

All Rob Bell could say was “Love Wins…Love Wins…Love Wins…” Suddenly during the chaos Brian D. “amn your soul to hell” McLaren appeared in a mystical mist of confusion and grabbed the noble crew of the Online Discernmentalist Mafia and then disappeared. We haven’t seen or heard from either Dr. I . Todyaso, Dr. Truthslayer or Dr. Don Jobson ever since—although we suspect that those symbols of all that is evil in the world Rob Bell and Brian McLaren are holding them captive. The last thing we saw was Rob Bell driving off in a van laughing and calmly proclaiming that “Love Wins.”

P. S. If you see an Ice Cream Truck disguised as a traveling ministry with “Love Wins” painted on the side, please report the sighting to your nearest local Discernmentalist church.

            A. J. Research Robot Monkeys filling in for the OD Mafia


Attention Truth Warriors

December 24, 2010

It’s the most Satanic time of the year. Help us out by supporting our Truth War on German Lutherans. You can continue pledging your total allegiance to us by doing this, continuing your committed support of Bush’s illegal invasion of  the Iraq war and outlawing Christmas as one of our most hallowed Discernmentalists has noted: ” Btw, if you want to see a large, lavish Christmas display in a mall… go to Dubai in the UAE! Many countries that are not Christian celebrate this holiday. That right there should tell Christians it’s not of God!”

And you wouldn’t want to do anything that non-Christians let alone non-Americans do. Why if you celebrate Christmas you are supporting terrorism and the terrorists. Most of all how dare anyone have fun or take pleasure and joy in anything….for fun, pleasure and joy are a sin and you know how much our God of Absolute Sovereign Wrath and commendable hatred hates sin and sinners.

 

So this December pray that the war on Iraq continues and that more people would open their eyes and make war on Christmas. This message is brought to you by your friendly neighborhood GOIP Committee of Concerned Citizens in conjunction with Killjoy Puritan Calvinazi Church

 


Most Heretical Places On Earth

December 16, 2010

TOP NEWSPIN– In a recent polling undertaken by Top Discernmentalists, discernmentalists from around the globe have voted on the Most Heretical Places On Earth. In a surprise ruling Canada and California dropped to the 4th and 5th position (respectively) in the poll. Here is the official listing of the Top 5 Most Heretical Places On Earth:

  1. Armenia: full of man-loving Grace-hating semi-Pelagian Mary-worshiping Papal idolatry celebrating Roman Arminianists; a road straight to Rome; none who live here have any hope of salvation; all are unsaved non-Elect reprobates
  2. Montana: the Montanist state nough said! The heretic named Iggy lives here.
  3. Germany: birthplace of Lutheranism; untouched by the Protestant Reformation; spiritually dead*
  4. Canada: or Canuckistan is a communist country; full of drug addicts, pacifists and queers; produces sin-promoting television shows
  5. California: too liberal; clone of Canada; full of fornicators; other reasons 

————————————————————————————————

*- Further Reading: Truly Reformed; Lutherans not Truly Reformed; Dortian Calvinism Truly Reformed


Black-n-White-o-poly!!!

December 7, 2010

Introducing the all new  

the fun new Bible-based game for Discernmentalist families to practice their pretzel-logic skills.

A sample logic puzzle from our game:

According to the Bible, God not only knows the future, (God is omniscient) but He has unchangeably ordained everything from the beginning, and He infallibly brings to pass all things according to His perfect plan. Also according to the Bible, Jesus is God but Jesus does not know the future nor the hour of the end of the world. Giving these facts Jesus is either:

a) a liar; not who the Bible says He is;

b)  God does not know (all of) the future, He takes risks, learns lessons, makes mistakes and changes His mind (Open Theism);

c) of course, Jesus is God—THE BIBLE is Inerrantly clear!;

or d) a black & white answer that doesn’t satisfactorily answer this question.

The answer of course is d. Thank you for playing Black-n-White-o-poly!!!


The Heart Of The Discernmentalist Gospel

November 2, 2010

Most of you are going to hell because you were not specially chosen and frozen like We God’s Truth Biblical Elect (Calvinazis) are—so quake now in mortal fear and terror at the horrors that await ye, reprobates, especially if you are Roman Catholic, Arminian, a Pentecostal tongue-babbler, Emergent, queer or even worse all of the above:

P.S. Hell is a “real place” so We’d hate to be all of you reprobates (non-Calvinazis) on the day that you die so remember We tried to lovingly warn you by the Absolute Truth of our Pure Doctrines which have saved Us from an eternity in flames.

P. P. S. This is also warning to Pastorboy aka (Name withheld upon request) to get back in line with our Pure Doctrines.


How To Spot A Grace-Hating Anabaptist Heretic In Your Church

July 10, 2010

Typical Anabaptists/Baptists minus the pitchforks, horns and tails. Photo of an actual Baptist Cult Coven Church service taking place just before they immerse new converts in foul smelling waters after walking down the aisle to the Altar to “make a decision to ask Christ Satan into their hearts;” then drink the blood of the dead as well  as steal other peoples’ money to give to the poor. Evilness—sheer evilness! Photo courtesy of Satan.

Finally we’ve nailed that idiot and a farce of a wannabe heretic and fake Christian, Ben Currin aka TheoPoet in the midst of supporting heresy:

Clearly these individuals are deluded not only that they are “unregenerate unsaved reprobates” not to be fellowshipped with as they aren’t even “Real Christians” like us as our Pure Doctrines attest:

“The Anabaptists (Baptists) are only mentioned by name twice, but…they had revived all the ancient heresies about the Holy Trinity and the Person of Christ…. Many of them were Pelagians…. Others claimed that, being regenerate, they were unable to commit sin…. Some depreciated all Scripture and placed themselves above even the Moral Law…. Some denied any need of ordination for Ministers, and claimed that the efficacy of all ministrations depended on the personal holiness of the Minister…. Infant baptism was denied…. All church discipline was repudiated…. Many held strange views about the descent into hell, the nature of the resurrection — and the future life, the ultimate salvation of all men, and millenarianism….. The authority of the State was impugned, and communism demanded.”

We know this is exactly what that idiot False Convert TheoPoet teaches and that he is secretly a “sectarian landmarkist” who hates our Pure Doctrines just look at the description of his apostate Blog:

“TheoPoetic Musings: RANDOM THEOLOGICAL THOUGHTS FROM AN ECUMENICAL POSTMODERN RADICAL REFORMED ARMINIAN NEO-ORTHODOX BARTHIAN MODERATE PROGRESSIVE TO LIBERAL BAPTIST PERSPECTIVE (OH AND SOME POETRY AND LYRICS,TOO) “—if that doesn’t smack of Pure Evil and divisive sectarianism then you must be “spiritually blind” and of the devil as well. Anyone who calls themself a Baptist, an Anabaptist or both or even says anything slighty positive about these “obstinate pig-dogs” should have their very salvation called into question. We Know that Spurgeon (a TrulyReformed Baptist Landmarkist Calvinist Christian) never had anything positive to say about Baptists nor Anabaptists as he believed and taught nothing but our Pure Doctrines. Anyone who is an Anabapist/Baptist is by default wrong as only We have the right to claim True Theology and True Church History:

P. S. Remember anyone who doesn’t bow down before our Pure Doctrines are the divisive ones not us. 

P. P. S. This article is 1000% Ken Silva-approved.


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