Man Refuses to Drive “No God” Bus

August 29, 2019

maxresdefault6

SoL is on the case again when they describe one Ron Heather, a bus driver in England who refused to drive a bus that was emblazoned with atheist slogans. SoL noted “Three cheers and a Slice Salute to Mr. Heather for taking a stand.” We at the Online Discernmentalist Mafia also applaud Ron Heather for making Christians everywhere look like morons. Our research robot monkey was on hand to comment “Whenever Christians can protest over non essential drivel or complete stupidly we are fully there to support them!”

 Come on people let’s Take A Stand!…

Truthslayer


A quick hitter

April 23, 2019

Priest

Hello my faithful warriors for faith!  It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything for I was battling the semipelagianist  around the globe. 37 countries and countless battles and I firmly believe that we are winning the battle.  I ask that all of you stand steadfast against the teaching of the post modernists and liberal feminists.   Let us pray strongly for our brothers in arms John Piper and Rush Limbaugh.    Let us pray that God, in his sovereignty, would bless our great Truth War once again against all those who would stand against us and our eternal struggle. Let us fight against Easter worshippers and all those who would dare call Christians Easter worshippers. Let us spread more Pizzagates and QaNon propaganda to take a stand against the vaccinated apostates who pervert our Pure Doctrines for: “There is nothing makes a man suspect much, more than to know little.”—FRANCIS BACON, Of Suspicion, 1625.

I write this from the Fema Concentration camp that I stole my guns back from comforted by John MacArthur (PBUH)’s words: “There has been a conspiracy to cover up a truth that is so essential to the New Testament, that without it we misunderstand our relationship to Jesus Christ.” And we discernmentalists know all about conspiracies. I immediately renew my pledge in the Truth War to conspire in our Truth doctrines against the unwashed masses. Well I’m off to yet again fight with another camp of apostates, the lamestream media and hairy mystics chanting with earth worshipping feminists but I leave you with one conspiratorial essential quote which helps us understand our relationship to misogyny Jesus even more:

This is the real danger. The very idea of Christian feminism has become a Trojan horse for theological liberalism. The popular “Christian” feminists, such as Rachel Held Evans and Sarah Bessey, are advocates for a host of theologically liberal positions ranging from pro-gay theology to denying Biblical inerrancy to advocating for alternative views of God the Father Himself to minimizing the atonement. It is not as if they are drawing on historic Biblical doctrine to ground equality. Rather, they begin with a modernist conception of “equality” and insist on reading that into the Bible. Christian feminism is not based on good exegesis, but eisegesis. It is not a Christianization of feminism, but a secularization of Christianity. And it gains traction, especially among younger Christians, because there is a biblical ideal of equality based on man and woman’s creation in the image of God (see Genesis 1:26-27). Yet like all doctrinal dangers and compromises, the truth is mixed with a great deal of error. And while Christian feminism starts with a true proposition, it quickly devolves into a host of false teachings, biblical distortions, and even heresies.

If Christian feminism were marked by biblical teaching on sex and gender roles, and didn’t have a host of doctrinal distortions smuggled in with it, then I would have no quarrel or qualm with it. If my compatriots in the Assemblies of God would exercise even a little discernment when quoting Christian feminists who actively deny AG doctrine, I would be less concerned. But instead advocacy of Christian feminism, especially among Millennials, is doctrinally uninformed, Biblically void, historically ignorant, philosophically incoherent, and naive in nearly every way.

Christian feminism is a Trojan horse. It will rot the religion in which it appears, destroying from within Christianity’s Biblical and historic teachings on God and man’s relationship to Him. I know this sounds alarmist and overblown. But the time to sound alarmist is decidedly BEFORE the barbarians are inside the gates. You sound the alarm before the trap is sprung, in hopes that you don’t get caught in the trap. On doctrinal issues, I want to alert people to the problem before they make a commitment to false teaching (Proverbs 12:13).

To anyone who objects especially liberal feminists… I reply….

617220c317633b9bbca84e20c171d42f0a093e96373a7413f9c466298f3f9261

 


The Heart Of The Discernmentalist Gospel

November 2, 2010

Most of you are going to hell because you were not specially chosen and frozen like We God’s Truth Biblical Elect (Calvinazis) are—so quake now in mortal fear and terror at the horrors that await ye, reprobates, especially if you are Roman Catholic, Arminian, a Pentecostal tongue-babbler, Emergent, queer or even worse all of the above:

P.S. Hell is a “real place” so We’d hate to be all of you reprobates (non-Calvinazis) on the day that you die so remember We tried to lovingly warn you by the Absolute Truth of our Pure Doctrines which have saved Us from an eternity in flames.

P. P. S. This is also warning to Pastorboy aka (Name withheld upon request) to get back in line with our Pure Doctrines.


Coming to a theatre near you….

May 18, 2010

“Calvinists of the Caribean” is every discernmentals favourite pirate movie. We spelled Caribbean without the extra “B” so that we cannot be accused or associated with the pagan polythiest islanders “Caribs” of Lesser Antilles islands. Calvinists of the Caribean is truly an action adventure movie of the highest Calvinist caliber.

We find the adventurist Calvinists (ie sinless elect) establishing new way of living in this hot climate – bathing suit attire that must be comfortably fitted from neck to toe, forbid cards, secret workings of election and coming to bed by a biblical 9 PM. Just when our Calvinists of the Caribean had thought they had it all figured out….the dark pirate Black Rob Bell entires the stage…attempting explain the absolute truth using fancy words, and descriptive descriptions…..which upstages our downwind truth warriors with upwind ideas. Soon  he is under suspicion of being an Arminian (or at least looking like one) with a cropped hairdo and trendy hipster glasses. Quickly the Calvinists of the Caribean swear (in a godly way,… not by earth or heaven) to take out (not on a date) this evil curse of the Black Rob Bell.

In theatres everywhere….

Truthslayer

PS There is no real swearing in the movie. The Calvinists of the Caribean noted that their yeses were yeses and their no’s where no’s.


Unborn may be worth more in America!

May 6, 2010

Returning to Slice of Laodicea’s earlier comment  “James MacDonald, Brian McLaren, Doug Pagitt, Tony Campolo and all the other “Christian” leaders who have spoken glowingly of Barack Obama, I hope you are enjoying the sight of fresh human blood soaking America’s soil thanks to our groundbreaking President.”

We’d like to ask SoL a question since they “uphold” the sanctity of human life….

Where was SoL when the BUSH administration lied their way into wanton murder, destruction and an illegal invasion leaving a path of devastation of over 1 million people in Iraq????  That includes the unborn, new borns and children…….

Why the SILENCE????????????????????????

Once again as an expert discernmentalist ministry I must have had a momentary lapse of reason to ask such a fair and pointed question. I will NOT let that happen again rather I will stick to the script ie The American Discernmentalist Gospel. We need to remember that the unborn in America are important, but not in Iraq and Afghanistan where we need to make the world safe from….uhmmm whatever we are supposed to be safe from.

Truthslayer……supporting imperialism because its part of the true gospel!


Slice of Laodicea (SoL) and Bill Hybels Spraydown

May 3, 2010

bill-hybelsSoL using National Inquirer like quality research notes that “Bill Hybels, {is} fresh from his latest permatan spraydown”

SoL can spy a spray down from miles away! Because we KNOW the true Christian faith is about externals.

Their research staff in conjunction with our Robot Monkeys used DUMB technology and noted his new honorary teaching status “False Teacher Emeritus.” Moreover, they were able to deduce that he sought to “re-invent evangelical Christianity into something completely alien to the Scriptures way back in the 1970’s.” This reminds me a bit of us online discernment ministries who seek to re-invent judgmentalism and bring it into the 21st Century!

As we always say “Judge first, lest you be judged first.”

Truthslayer


Obama bringing hefty Discernmentalist agenda on European trip

April 29, 2010

rickwarrenArkansas (Reuters) – President Barack Obama headed to Europe on Tuesday with a hefty agenda for tackling the Online Discernmentalist economic crisis and seeking support for his new ODM-Afghanistan strategy on a trip that will test his global leadership and whether he supports the absolute truth. It is well known like their counterparts in the USA, ODM’s across Europe are victims of faulty loans and shoddy research.

In a surprising turn of events our research robot monkeys heard from a friend of a friend of a friend that Take a Stand Ministries, Olive Tree Ministries, Slice of Laodicea and Apprising Ministries blamed Rick Warren for the unbiblical financial management across the world…and linked it all back to universal health care and socialism.

Truthslayer


%d bloggers like this: