Science Free!!!

July 7, 2010

Introducing new science free light bulbs that are powered only by biblical faith. If it does not light up you can pretty much kiss your back end good bye – you lack faith and are likely not fit for heaven. We guarantee that these special light bulbs will NOT work with Roman Catholics, liberals, post-moderns, emergents and Rob Bell. We are confident that true believers (that is us and other online discernmentalist ministries) could light up entire crates of these special bulbs.

Order now and get a pair of free steak knives with every purchase!

Truthslayer


Bow down to the King of kings… OR ELSE!

May 17, 2010

One of the greatest theologians of our day Lemmy, has written the greatest ODM worship song ever. Enjoy!


We support the New Conservative Bible

April 4, 2010

We are proud to sponsor the New Conservative Bible. In fact, here is an animation we truly feel is inspired by our DOCTRINES and God! This is how OUR Jesus would have acted like and taught.


Brian McLaren reveals: A new kind of Christian

March 30, 2010

 

Brian McLaren best known for his image on the popular heretic trading cards found in Calvin Crunch Cereal, revealed what A New Kind of Christian will look like when his New Kind of Christianity will be implemented across the globe. The audience gasped in horror as Brian McLaren (Also known for a couple of books he has written) showed pictures of the first of the New Kind of Christians that have been spotted on the New Frontier. This new “Christian” is called the Ankoc, which we know that if translated into Hebrew, then Greek, then Latin, then back into English, then adding a m and an l we get Mollok. Mollok is close to Molech that is also close to Rupert Murdoch who sells porn as well as Rick Warren books. As you can see this is much more complicated that it needs be. If you just take our word for it, you will be safe to know that we know and we are saying is all of Satan somehow.  We must also be aware that Brian McLaren is using OUR OWN TECHNIQUES of linking to ourselves! Ken Silva who is the master at incestuous self linking who realized that by doing so raises your Google rating and gives the appearance of high volume readership, seems to have taught Brian McLaren this technique! Of course Ken Silva is master enough to call Brian out for using Ken’s original idea.


The Mighty Slice of Laodicea Retreats back to its lair.

March 19, 2010

The once mighty and slightly nasty Slice of Laodicea (SoL) has began a retreat to its secret Crosstalk lair. It seems that it is too costly to maintain the hate on more than one site so they ahve abandoned the SoL site. All teh hate one could want to read is now over at their Crosstalk blog where the Cross is rarely talked about but all the gossip on the people we love to hate is there! We here at the ODMafia only feel shame, embarrassment and dishonor at this major setback of one of the major players in the Hate Truth War. We are seriously considering revoking Ingrid’s SODUM membership.


New Movie From Apostate Film Productions & ODMafia Productions!

February 7, 2010


Laigle’s Forum claims Mega-Emergent-Churches are Gobbling up Smaller Churches

February 4, 2010

Though we have yet to find any proof, (and we do not need any as we have read this on Laigle’s Forum and know it is all true!), Laigle’s Forum makes claim that Liberal-Mega-Churches are gobbling up smaller bible believing churches.

We need to be aware that the emergent church movement is completely out of keeping with biblical principles and is ungodly. This is why we have liberal mega-churches gobbling up small defenseless churches that are still true to the gospel of Jesus. (source)

Yes, this claim was made in 2008 and look at us now! Our defenseless small churches are all but gone do to our stand on being irrelevant! We must stand harder on being irrelevant! We also know Brian McLaren has forced the Liberal Christian Missionary Alliance to keep buying up small churches!

There is no one to blame when our small churches fail and a mega church picks up the pieces and pays the bills greedily gobbles up any small church that is in financial ruins do to poor management. These Emergents who own liberal mega churches must be stopped in any way we can! So send your tithes and offerings to the ODMafia and we will start buying up all the small non liberal churches we can and close them ourselves!

This has been a public announcement from the ODMafia.


Unity in hate!

January 20, 2010

We discernmentalists know that anyone seeking unity is out to destroy the true biblical church. That is why we have invented the “Unity in Hate Machine,” yours for only $19.99….and if you order now you will get a pair of steak knives for free….and that’s not all we will throw in a towel absolutely free if you order now! Now!

The “Unity in Hate Machine,” detects anyone Bible studying with a non-approved Christian such as a Roman Catholics, Arminians or Democrats …and sounds a distinctive alarm when detecting culprits. It is a high pitched alarm that cannot be heard by these particular denominations and a black spray is applied to culprit. Religious police are quickly dispatched and apostates whisked off to be interrogated about their theology. Remember, anyone promoting unity is suspect and probably a closet ecumenical.

Order now while supplies last!

Truthslayer endorsed.


Jesus and Wine.

November 13, 2009

Jesus and Wine.

 

Many people misunderstand what Jesus was actually teaching when he used wine as an example and when turned water into wine.

First let’s look as the first time Jesus talk’s about wine.

Matthew 914Then(S) the disciples of John came to him, saying,(T) “Why do we and(U) the Pharisees fast,[c] but your disciples do not fast?” 15And Jesus said to them, (V) “Can the wedding guests mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them?(W) The days will come when the bridegroom is taken away from them, and(X) then they will fast. 16No one puts a piece of unshrunk cloth on an old garment, for the patch tears away from the garment, and a worse tear is made. 17Neither is new wine put into old(Y) wineskins. If it is, the skins burst and the wine is spilled and the skins are destroyed. But new wine is put into fresh wineskins, and so both are preserved.” (The Holy and anointed unbiased ESV)

 Now many miss this teaching. Note the question? “”Why do we and(U) the Pharisees fast,[c] but your disciples do not fast?” Then Jesus states that because he is there, His disciples do not need to fast, but there will be a day when Jesus is gone that His disciples will fast and the Pharisees and disciples of John will not. Jesus then talks about wine and wineskins. This is where so many miss the point. Often New Age Emergerants will try to say that this is “spiritual”. We know that nothing in our faith is “spiritual” as that would lead to “living by the Spirit” and we will have nothing to do with that! Now, the Ermergerants will say that the old traditions are gone and the new traditions are better. So they twist this verse to mean, ”If you put new wine in old wine skins it will burst the skins and spill the wine.” Oh yeah! They would love spilling wine in their emerging church orgies! Yep, I can hear them now, “a little wine for you and a little for me, and next week we break out the Hookah’s and some weed for service!” Now that is blasphemy and not what Jesus was teaching at all.

 Here is what Jesus meant. We are not to drink wine meant we are not to eat too much otherwise we will burst from too much food. Those stupid Emergerants will twist the bible to mean whatever they want it to mean and not what we want it to mean! Jesus was just warning his disciples not to eat too much. It is that simple.

 Now the other misunderstood passage is this one.

 John 2 1On(A) the third day there was a wedding at(B) Cana in Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. 2Jesus also was invited to the wedding with(C) his disciples. 3When the wine ran out, the mother of Jesus said to him, “They have no wine.” 4And Jesus said to her, (D) “Woman,(E) what does this have to do with me?(F) My hour has not yet come.” 5His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.”

 6Now there were six stone water jars there(G) for the Jewish rites of purification, each holding twenty or thirty(H) gallons.[a] 7Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water.” And they filled them up to the brim. 8And he said to them, “Now draw some out and take it to the master of the feast.” So they took it. 9When the master of the feast tasted(I) the water now become wine, and did not know where it came from (though the servants who had drawn the water knew), the master of the feast called the bridegroom 10and said to him, “Everyone serves the good wine first, and when people have drunk freely, then the poor wine. But you have kept the good wine until now.” 11This, the first of his signs, Jesus did at Cana in Galilee, and manifested(J) his glory. And(K) his disciples believed in him. (God’s truly anointed and Chris Pajak approved version the ESV)

This is often used by Emergerants to prove that they can get drunk in their orgy services. Yet again I will tell you what it really means. First off, we see that Mary is able to make Jesus do what she wanted even though Jesus did not want to do it. So here we see principle 1.

 Principle 1. A good ODM knows how to manipulate God to do what the ODM wants.

 The next principle is that Jesus did this miracle to secretly take now who was a sinner and who was not. Jesus simply watched to see who drank the wine and who did not and thus knew which disciple he would have trouble with. Didn’t you ever wonder how Jesus knew Judas would betray Him? Well now you know!

 Principle 2. A good ODM tests others like Jesus did to see who is truly saved and who is not!

 The third and last principle is this. Jesus did this miracle to show the sinners so He could show how holy He was! It never states Jesus drank any of this wine… in fact later we read that Jesus was offered wine on the cross and He refused. This proves that booze is bad! So we know this was a test and was to show Jesus was way holier than anyone else!

 Principle 3. Like Jesus, ODM’s are way too holy to drink booze and will not fail the test as simple as this. The ODM is as holy as Jesus so there is no way we will drink, but as stated, when we see someone who does we simply raise the finger of judgment and condemnation and shout, “SINNER! REPENT!”


Super Secret open letter to those outside the Secret Order of the ODM

November 6, 2009

SODM

Picture of the last SODUM meeting.

 

The ODM has the super secret gift of discerning which lie is best for what situation. My great-great-great-great-great-great-grand uncle Screwtape Todayso taught me many things before he was put into chains of darkness in Tartarus. I am here to pass these super secret ODM truths on to the ignorant masses. I was trained under my affectionate uncle Ken Silva who was secretly mentored by Walter Martin. Now Walter Martin was not one of us. He did not choose the narrow path of slander and lies to attack others.

 Here is a secret few know that Ken taught me.  Take good teaching from great men of God and twist them to fit OUR DOCTRINES. For instance, many Calvinist make great ODMs. Why? Many teach the DOCTRINES of grace while that bad ones teach the doctrines of GRACE. Do you see what I am saying? The focus is one us and who we approve as saved and worthy of the Grace of God by the filter of our own systematic theological bend. If you do not agree with us, then you are not of us. If you leave us, you were never of us. We made our Election sure by making sure God knows who the really bad Christians are. Meanwhile we can show God how great we are and how much we love Him by our zeal to commit to saving God and His fragile truth from the pagans and false Christian converts. Deep in our secret lair we seek knew and greater ways to hurt and harm those ministries we do not approve of. We have developed new technology to make it easier for our followers to judge and condemn others. It is you the reader of the ODM’s who make us as powerful as we are. The more you read us the more we infect your spirit and make you worthless and weak. God looks down and sees you and frowns in anger at your failures and we look good as we point it out.

 This plan of deflection and exposure of others sins and misdeeds has been our game for thousands of years if not more. If you rise against us you will be taken down. In fact we will crucify anyone who tries to ruin our plans. We have already done it once! So follow the ODM way and know that you will be secure in your position of favor with our great and mighty God.  Join the Secret Order of Discernmentist United in Ministries also known as SODUM.


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