Pulpit calls Truce with ODMafia!

May 15, 2019

Breaking: While you were sleeping peacefully last night safe and protected by our Sound Doctrines in your warm beds—late last night ODMafia spies broke into Planned Pulpithood’s bunker and forced them to agree to a ceasefire of firing their missives at us and agree to ODMafia’s peace terms. However Pulpit promises to let the ODMafia continue subtly firing off our weapons of Massive destruction at them since the ODMafia helped crack the secret code of one of Pulpit’s enemies because our discernmentalism is of higher quality than anyone else’s.

Dr. Truthslayer utilizing Eric Barger’s Smocking Gun Technology on our Research Robot Monkeys once again has totally demolished Servus Christi with only one screencap rather than two by slicing letters and rearranging them until we were apprised of their secret meaning:

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That’s how much better at discernmentalism we are than anyone else—we exposed Servus Christi’s ties to the heretical Servetus before anyone else. On a related note we have reason to suspect Servus Christi as the one who made up the sinisterly globalist quasi-universalist sinfully-ecumenical quote exposing them in one of our latest Massives.


Recovered From Our Archives: Ken Silva’s Final Songs!

April 29, 2019

SBsoundtrack

A new gem rediscovered from our super secret archives—the long lost soundtrack of the late Ken Silva’s long lost final film: SILVA BULLET. Also discovered among our files a newspaper clipping dated from 2013 describing part of the production of this album—quote: “Online Discernmentalist Post: Ken Silva  Rewrites Billy Ray Cyrus Song — In a surprise turn of events the CEO of  Apprising Ministries Fame is re-writing a Billy Ray Cyrus song (Achy Breaky Heart) with new lyrics. Rumors are its for an upcoming untitled to be announced film project he has in the works. Inside sources say he has already finished the script.”

On its rediscovery I have to say: “Color us apprised! This is one of the greatest discermentalist soundtracks I’ve ever heard!” My fellow Discernmentalists I. Todyaso and Don Jobson both agree! Both hit singles are featured on the soundtrack which are the aforementioned rewritten Billy Ray Cyrus song:

1- ‘ Achy Breaky Truth’:

“But don’t challenge my truth, my achy breaky truth

I just don’t think I’d understand

And if you tell the truth, my achy breaky truth

I might blow up and ban this man

You can tell your pa I discerned Rob Bell in Arkansas

Or you can tell Rick Warren he has erred and misinformed

Or tell your brother Cliff whose immoral cause he smoked a spliff

He never really liked me anyway

Oh I get my discernment from Slice, the tone is not always nice

Myself already knows that I’m okay

Oh you can tell my eyes that I have a lot of spies

On Emergent and their like, I wish they’d fly a kite”

And 2- a rewritten version of a Terry Jacks’ song ‘Seasons In The Sun’ now ‘Seasons In The Son’ from which the tagline of the film is derived:

We had no joy because we didn’t believe in fun

For we spent our days discerning werewolfy Emergents

Rome-ing around in our seasons in the Son

Though now they may laugh soon they’ll cry

When my Silva bullet makes them thoroughly apprised

For I’m doing the Lord’s work of exposing

And discerning all in my seasons in the Son

—Sony Records hopes to release a remake of this Soundtrack on iTunes some time in the Fall. This album is backed by 100% of discernmentalists…. Truthslayer approved… ODMafia endorsed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


The Silva Bullet!

April 27, 2019

sil1

Introducing the long lost last film to star our dearly departed affectionate Uncle and Pastor-Teacher the ever-Apprising Ken Silva: SILVA BULLET.  A Aperising Pictures  Production of Apprising Films recently relocated—found safely hidden within our super secret archives deep within the bowels of our secret lair: the Truth Bunker.  Now newly remastered with help from GOIP Productions and including a special Anime version of Ken’s life and commentary by our very own Dr. I. Todyaso.

Tagline: “You’ll laugh…you’ll cry…you’ll be thoroughly “Apprised!” 

Summary— SILVA BULLET begins with our hero Uncle Pure Teacher (Ken Silva) having to discernmentalize between two emerging werewolf cases. Now  there are two categories of emerging werewolf cases; ‘false’ or Emerging Disorder cases and Genuine emerging cases:

  • Emerging Disorder is a mental condition in which the subject (called Emergent) believes that he or she is a emerging Christian. The subject does not actually change shape, but is nevertheless capable of being as dangerous as an actual werewolf. Most cases of supposed werewolfry are really the works of emerging victims.
  • Emerging TO BEAST In real werewolves a physical change to wolf form does occur. The change can be voluntary (at will), or can be forced by certain cycles of post-modernistic beliefs and certain songs (ie not ones approved by Apprising Ministries).
  • WEREWOLVES & EMERGING Werewolves are immune from Apprising Ministries and from most physical diseases due to the constant regeneration of their physical tissue. They can, therefore, be virtually immortal. However, they can be killed by a “Silva Bullet” carefully aimed at an Emerging Church member’s heart.

Non-emerging werewolves who have been mistaken for Emerging (ie Rob Bell) are said also to be immune to most physical diseases. It is suspected though that Rick Warren could be a vampire however, thanks to our discernmentalism we do not need hard evidence…we can peer into his mind if we concentrate hard enough to reveal his obvious vampirism or wolfery. The film ends with our hero Uncle Pure Teacher trying to “apprise” all the werewolves with his “Silva Bullet” until he succeeds in his mission of taking out the Super Emerging Werewolf: Brian McLaren—bringing an end to the Emerging/Emergent Church once and for all.

This film is 100% ODMafia and Truthslayer endorsed and meets our seal of approval.


Bow down to the King of kings… OR ELSE!

May 17, 2010

One of the greatest theologians of our day Lemmy, has written the greatest ODM worship song ever. Enjoy!


What Biblically Verifiable Theology Looks Like

May 10, 2010

As True Christians and Discernmentalists, We must stand by our Absolute Biblical Truths like tearing others down when they stand in our way. Making fun of others when they are down in the dumps and kicking them even further is Absolutely Biblical. Using Absolute Biblical Certainty, We must stand up for these Hard Truths. Our Discernmentalist logic dictates that our theology must be Extreme by nature as our God is a very angry Sovereign God ready to pour down His Absolute Sovereign Wrath upon unsuspecting non-elected sinners at any time. Putting reprobates in their place is just part of our job as the Bible commands us to imitate our Father God in Heaven.

A video example of our Biblically verifiable theology.

We wish that crybaby reprobates would quit whining and complaining about their status as the losers of God’s Sovereign lottery of pre-determined Absolute Fatalism. God can and does get what He wants  as is His Sovereign Will and His good pleasure decrees so suck it up if you are on the losing end of God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath as it was just Fate that you were Born to Lose. All of this is Biblically verifiable theology as We back up our Extreme Theology with the Hard Truths of the Bible and Bible-Based STRETCH Technology. This is why our Extreme approach to everything works and why We must take a stand against those trying to water down theology with love as you can’t save anyone by loving up on them. You’ve got to tell them the Truth like John MacArthur—the Hard Truth that God hates them and is so angry with their sinful ways that He could threaten to pour down His wrath upon them at any moment unless they are Elect and therefore able to repent.


Select-cam continues to discern

April 26, 2010

As previously mentioned Discerning The World Ministries (DTW) is using SELECT-CAM (officially DTWPIC) to discernmentalize the emerging menace Rob Bell. Just like husbands and wives with selective hearing….DTW has selective(but never never a biased) discernment regarding a host of people and movements.

Here is what DTW found out about Rob Bell (using the select-cam):

“Rob BellThe Story We’re Telling:    sin, salvation, business, art, justice and the importance of beginning in the beginning”

” [DTW note: they are saying that you have got to go back to the beginning, go back to where ancient knowledge originately from, where sacret arts originationed from in order to move forward. How far do we have to go back? To the very beginning, of course. We, each individual person, needs to eat from the tree of life in order to gain knowledge.

Genesis 3:4-5   4 The serpent said to the woman, “You surely will not die!   5 “For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”] ”

Insightful for sure!

Beginning Now…..lets look at the “BEGINNING
Ge 1:1 – In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.

1) All knowledge and ALL things (visible and invisible) would BEGIN with and from God’s creation. Very dark indeed.  Truth coming from God himself…how dare Him!

Ps 111:10 –   The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding. To him belongs eternal praise.

2) Hmmmm. Could Rob perhaps be alluding to the beginning in reference to wisdom? Perhaps, but in good discernmentalist fashion DTW does not provide context. Only DTW ‘wisdom.’ Of course we endorse this kind of expert discernmentalism…out of context wisdom.

Pr 1:7 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.

3) This is astounding. Fools despise wisdom. Not us… we love DTW  ‘wisdom. ‘ Proverbs also suggests that the FEAR (REVERENCE) of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge.  Hmmm. Something must be wrong with this verse because DTW suggests that we must reference satan as the beginning.

We applaud DTWs findings and suggest that every discernmentalist invest in the new select-cam!

PS Typically DTW uses STRETCH tech which stands for   Survey Truth Revise & Exaggerate Truncate Cacophony of Hagiomania. Select-Cam will likely be used in conjunction with DTWs older and still reliable technology of yesteryear.

Also we have the RIGHT to make spelling mistakes, and determine that wrong spelling is right.


There Be Floods A-Coming!

March 31, 2010

New World Order Weekend using Eric Barger’s STRETCH Prophesying Revisionist Technology predicts massive flooding in the North East  due to Obama’s non-Zionist stance:

Topic Two: Brannon believes America may very well see a serious crisis this week such as flooding in the North East for Obama’s treatment of Israel in the past few days and particularly for his treatment of Israel’s Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu. Why does Brannon say this?

We Know that all True Christians are Pro-Zionist and Premillenial Dispensationalist Rapture believers as our own Saint John MacArthur plainly teaches:

Premillennialism as being the only consistent position for any person who holds to the doctrine of sovereign electing grace. He even went so far as to say that the Amillennial position is more consistent with Arminianism than it is with Calvinism.

We also Know that the modern day United Nations created state of Israel is the same as Ancient Biblical Israel and if you don’t approve of all of the actions of 1948 created Israel then God will smite you just as He did with the enemies of the Israelites. We also Know that the Ancient Israelites are one  and the same with Modern Day Israelis including Christian and Muslim Israelis so remember America should always support Israeli backed terrorism against  Palestinians or God will smite America with more tornados and floods for His Absolute Sovereign Vengeful Hate-filled Loving Wrathful Gory Glory.

P. S. If you doubt our words we have something extra for you just in case to make sure our warnings sink in:

Item #3

Worldview Matters with Brannon Howse
You Doubt Item #2? Then listen to this best of flashback from July 2009? Brannon’s guest is John McTeran who wrote the book, As America Has Done to Israel. John details the direct connection between the alarming number of massive disasters striking America after her leaders pressuring Israel to surrender her land for”peace”. Costing hundreds of lives and causing hundreds of billions of dollars’ worth of damage, dozens of disasters, including devastating earthquakes, raging fires, hurricanes, floods, tsunamis, and tornadoes, have hit America-and always within twenty-four hours of putting pressure on Israel. John also shows the connection between America turning on Israel and our current financial crisis.


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