Your typical Emergent Village church service!

March 6, 2010

This is what happens at a typical Emergent Church service!  If you know what things happen at those couch and candle driven churches you would be shocked! You would never see anyone having fun in one of our churches! We make sure nothing like that would ever happen!


Live Regeneration

February 19, 2010

A group of chosen and frozen unregenerated reprobated vessels of wrath preordained, hardened and appointed unto damnation from the foundation of the world. Can’t you see their deadness in sin and inabillity to respond to the Pure Gospel of God’s Wrath freely? Photo courtesy of First Calvinist Church of the Non-Elect (FCC).

For the first time in the history of First Calvinist Church of the Non-Elect (FCC) congregants witnessed an actual live regeneration. Here is the live video footage caught  by the church’s security camera of the event congregants witnessed—thanks to our Research Robot Monkeys  for finding this:

Discernmentalists are confused as to how such an oversight could have been made—afterall these people are suppose to be hellbound non-Elect sinnersJohn MacArthur stated that he believes “this happened through the preaching of God’s Pure Sovereign Wrath as God’s Wrath upon the non-Elect is our Grace. The more Wrath God pours down upon our enemies, God’s enemies and all enemies of the True Gospel the more Grace He bestows upon us in the glorious sound doctrine of Limited Penal Substitutionary Atonement.”  Todd Friel said that “my quoting of Spurgeon must have awakened this reprobate to his predestined wrathful end.” Ray Comforts (Awesome) and Kirk Cameron (Awesome Actor) said “our Pure and effective preaching of God’s whole Moral Law must have made this sinner aware that he had been falsely converted by the False Gospel of Grace, Love and Kumbahyah “touchy-feelings-ness” rather than the True Gospel of God’s Pure Sovereign Wrath.”

We asked Sharin’ Whiplash for comment and all she could ramble off in a mumble was:

I was told the other day I needed to be more gentle when I was speaking with a homosexual who was boycotting a network that refused to play some openly homosexual ad, or some such garbage, during the superbowl. This is a guy I knew from high school, and after … I confronted him, I took him off my friends list. I’m called to let people know straight up they are going to hell if they don’t repent. Today’s “Christians” are all about telling everyone “God loves You” and “Christ died for you, and everyone else in the world so please, oh please, won’t you make a decision for Christ so you don’t go to hell!” That just sickens me. I’ve prayed often that the Lord will raise us more Calvinists and send us a second Reformation in Christendom and revival in the US. We need some uncompromising men like John Knox to thunder forth the truth of God, without regard to political correctness or anything else except honoring Calvin. I was speaking with someone about the Sovereignty of God and how EVERYTHING is in His control – down to the movement of a piece of dust. He “corrected” me “on one little point”, said that it was his CHOICE to be saved in 1985…need I go on?Whoever he is, he is not a Christian. He is not saved, no matter what he thinks. He is, in fact, a Satanist. Run, don’t walk, away from reprobates! Pray for their conversion if you feel so moved, but if I were you, I would have nothing whatsoever to do with them, as they show their true colors. “On that day MANY will say unto ME, “Lord, … Lord… And then I will say unto them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you workers of iniquity'”  I tried to get him to share Scriptures with me that backed up his free will…of course, I never got them. I offered to share with him Scriptures that completely laid out God’s Sovereignty, but told him they would be either for his salvation or his condemnation…he said he there were no arguements I could come up with that were any different than those he has fought for 30 years. I told him I wasn’t trying to convince him, I was trying to share Scripture…you know how it ended…It’s an evil thing to be an Arminian who loves the Lord but be ignorant about the mechanics of salvation. Arminians really believe SATAN is in control of everything and God in control of nothing when they believe in Free Will! That’s not Christian at all. As I said, that’s Satanism. In his warped religion, Satan is sovereign. I repeat, I would have nothing further to do with him, if I were you. Shake his dust off your feet and go your way. He will stand before Christ and give an account. I got a friend request from a woman who said she was “desperate for sound doctrine”. I accepted her request. She then started saying that “free will plays a part in salvation”. I refuted that with an explanation. She unfriended me. Obviously she wasn’t interested in sound doctrine, she just wanted her itching ears tickled. She just wanted … See Moresomeone to agree with her. Boy, she picked the wrong one when she picked me. These free-willers make their wills inviolable and sovereign. Even God has to bow to the creature’s will. How blind and proud is the human heart! Not sure why she was so desperate to find friends with “sound doctrine”, which in her view is Arminianism. They’re everywhere. That shouldn’t be hard to find. I told her our wills are bound by sin and only God has free will. Free will is a will that’s unaffected by any outside forces or influences… by anything outside of itself. That’s true only of God. I told her we are spiritually dead. She couldn’t take it. She wanted sound doctrine? No.


We Want To Hear From You Or Else

November 1, 2009

Write us at our ranch:

1 The Way

Dobson Ranch, AZ,

Jesusland, USA

Ranch tours available upon request. Follow us on Facebook as well or else.


Absolute Proof That America Is A Christian Nation

October 15, 2009

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Here’s visual proof that America is a Christian Nation and God’s Chosen Nation—the caption under the photographic evidence reads: “Photograph of that time when Jesus descended from the clouds to deliver the U.S. Constitution. You remember, all of the founding fathers were there, and Abraham Lincoln, Ronald Reagan, a liberal professor clutching Origin of the Species to his chest, Satan….” Nevermind these quotes: ” As I understand the Christian religion, it was, and is, a revelation. But how has it happened that millions of fables, tales, legends, have been blended with both Jewish and Christian revelation that have made them the most bloody religion that ever existed?
– John Adams, letter to FA Van der Kamp, December 27, 1816
The Treaty of Tripoli
Signed by John Adams”As the government of the United States is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion; as it has in itself no character of enmity against the laws, religion or tranquility of Musselmen [Muslims] … it is declared … that no pretext arising from religious opinion shall ever product an interruption of the harmony existing between the two countries….
“The United States is not a Christian nation any more than it is a Jewish or a Mohammedan nation.”
– Treaty of Tripoli (1797), carried unanimously by the Senate and signed into law by John Adams (the original language is by Joel Barlow, US Consul)”—they were invented by liberals exercising their humanistic pride against our sovereign God who predestined America as His Chosen Nation from the foundation of time. We have visual evidence.

 

Don Jobson—-Official Voice Of God’s Only Inerrant Party.


Challies undermines watchblogs, oh what a horrible assault (2)

October 5, 2009

DeadDogOnce again the watchblogs (i.e. online discernment ministries like us and more!) are under assault!

Our fellow truth warrior Stephen Macasil against all odds, with flaming arrows, darts and pitch forks aimed at his frail body took on the mighty Tim Challies, a tough, humanistic-like liberal and won! Challies is so rough, so rugged and mean that he does not name names when it comes to problematic discernmentalists. Yet still, Challies needs to be challenged!

Macasil states that Challies used humanism to prove his points…we know this because Stephen Macasil said so…five timesDo I have to repeat myself?

Challies apparently uses feelings which are bad, but Macasil states his own “Personally, I disagreed with most of what Challies wrote,” so Macisil’s personal opinion is good…because its Macasil’s opinion and not Challies. If this is reversed it would be humanistic and dangerous. Hope you are following discernmentalist logic…because this is our best weapon!

Macasil further states of Challies “His unwarranted attack severely lacked Scriptural support and was based on his feelings and autonomous self-reflection.” Of course Macasils autonomous self-reflection (ie personally, I disagreed….) is not autonomous….but biblical because Macasil appeals to his personal opinion that appeals to him biblically. Hope this makes sense to you because I’m confused…again discernmentalist logic is complex.

Therefore when Macasil speaks of personal opinion, its not humanistic, or feeling-based, but biblical… only Challies possesses such bad qualities.

Do you see how this works? Repeat a word like humanism and tie it to the name of someone you disagree with.  Then state your personal opinion which you claim is biblical, and insinuate that your opponents personal position is unscriptural because it is personal.

Also, repeat that you are scriptural, and how your opponent is unscriptural. Repeat. Also, hope that no one actually thinks through Macasils’s  ship of holes in this case his article  – because it would sink faster than a rock attempting to float in swimming pool. We implore more discernmentalists to use these very special methods of discernment….please please please we just ask that you do not apply any logic. Remember, we must win at all costs.

Affectionately yours,

Truthslayer


The newest drink of heretics!

July 20, 2009

Emerge drinksI suspected something was in the water that was causing all this new heresy! Now I know what is going on. They are all drinking Emerge! If they were real Christians they would be drinking Kool Aid!


Discernmentalist vote to decide if Tim Challies is saved or not!

June 4, 2009

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A small group of top notched Discernmentalist held a super secret power summit to cast votes as to whether Tim Challies is truly saved or not! The small group included Sam Guzman and Ingrid of Slice of Laodicea, Ken Silva of CRN and Apprissing Ministries and Truthslayer and I. Todyaso of theODMafia (We gladly accept credit cards in our junk shop. Please be sure to check out out junk like the Spurgeon Coffee Mug). The ballots were a secret ballot in which each discernmentalist would write yes or no as to Tim Challies’ salvation. All went well though the vote was a close 2 to 3 as to Tim Challies being allowed to remain saved until EricBarger of Take a Stand Ministries demanded he also get a vote. At this point they are at a stalemate and the decisionwill have to be made at a later time due to the serious deadlines each ministry has for it’s blogs. (Be sure to also buy one of our t-shirts!) Unfortunately since the vote is a secret ballot we have no idea as to who voted which way.


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