The Sickness in Discernmentalist Ministries

August 17, 2019

D4j7hMhW0AAWruJBecome  a part of the Deformed and Discernmentalist Southern Baptist unTwitterati Cabal today by mocking those who have fallen gravely ill. We are now accepting applicants. If you feel the current evangelical leadership (JD Greear, Russell Moore, Al Molher, Beth Moore, Tim Keller, etc.) are becoming evil libruls because they’re starting to acknowledge the existence of racial disparities in the criminal justice system—you’ll fit right in with us.

Just like Pastor Gabe we Discernmentalists believe sickness is a symptom of lifelong sin. We also believe we should be discernmentalizing 24/7—finding a new heretic of the week:

As a former news-junkie, I’ve often lamented the advent of 24/7 news. It has done more harm to journalism than any school of journalism (with all of their agendas) could have ever accomplished. Today, 24/7 news has created a feeding frenzy around every speculation, hearsay, possible motive, or misspoken word. The men and women formerly called journalists have an audience waiting to hear something new, and the industry demands that our network get it out before your network. So, rather than well-researched facts, so-called journalists are spitting out every kind of agenda-based opinion, to the point that fake news has become “a thing.” Have you notice how many “breaking news alerts” you hear on the 24/7 news channels? Events that have been scheduled for weeks are “breaking news.” Why the hyperbole? It is because of the feeding frenzy.

Discernment ministry has grown to this level as well. Those who have built their ministry around this work now have a constituency that they must feed. There is an expectation that the so-called discerners bring forth a new heretic of the week. After all, we already know about the other heretics, we’ve left their teaching, we are bored with them, and we’ve already posted the warnings on social media. But this is a new day, and discernment ministries have an empty blog and a silent podcast to fill.

The world is full of liberal sickos and they’re all out to get us. We’d like to thank Pastor Gabe for helping us spread the Discernmentalist Gospel.


The Good Old Days of the Christian Church

August 2, 2019

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Super discernmentalist Paul Proctor notes “Driving across town the other day, I passed by a church that always displays an inspirational message on their sign out front. Such messages are very common these days and often quite thought provoking. The one I saw most recently had me thinking all the way home.

It read: “Churches are hospitals for sinners, not museums for saints.”

“How sad and true, I thought to myself. Churches have become hospitals for sinners, haven’t they? They used to be spiritual fortresses built in enemy territory where soldiers for Christ were recruited, trained and equipped for doing battle against sin and evil in society with open bibles, convicted hearts and committed lives.”

We at ODMafia like the good old days when we could burn heretics at the stake. Or going further back in time, like St. Paul’s Corinthian church (the golden age) where good old fashioned believers had sex with their step  moms and they got waisted during communion. Sigh….we wish we could go back to when times were better.

—ODMafia fortified with Our Truth


Breaking: Emergents now attacking Truth Warriors with Psychic Powers!

July 24, 2019

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Oh the horror! Recently one of our Research Robot Monkeys noted that Emergents are now hiring psychics in a last ditch effort to undermine the Absolute Truth and Certainty of the Truth Wars. We here at the ODMafia can’t say we didn’t see this coming from a mile away as we know Emerging emergers love their mystical webs of confusion. Emergents also love Mystery over Certainty as well as coffee; candles and couches—but they’ve yet to be observed in the presence of garlic. We also have reason to suspect that these Emerging vampires have merged with Mothra feminists in order to ramp up their newly found psychic abilities in order to assault unsuspecting Truth Warriors in the field of battle for our Truth. Other noted ODMs are now in the midst of battling for our Truth—researchmentalizing new techniques in Spiritual Warfare to curb these assaults.


We Should Never Be Questioned

July 22, 2019

0YEAyH6The Extreme Theology of our Truth War should never be questioned—-neither should our methods of:

1. Flat out lies and manipulative double speak
2. Blatant Scripture Twisting
3. New & Direct Extra Biblical Revelation and Visions from God
4. Flat out intolerance for anyone who questions or challenges these “new” Extra Biblical Revelations and Visions that are supposedly from God.

When Brannon Howse lies and calls one of his fellow Conservatives a dupe and/or a secret undercover agent playing a part in some sort of a secret Marxist hidden agenda to destroy the American church—never question it. If Tim Challies quotes from G. K. Chesterton whom heretic Brian McLaren approves—never question it. If Eric Barger twists Scripture out of context to prove one of his points—never question it. When Phil Johnson via his boss defends the “Extra Revelation” of Premillenial Dispensationalism and secret Rapture teaching—never question it. When said believers question anyone who challenges Premillenial Dispensational Rapture belief—never question that either.

Do as we say but not as we do. Get it—got it—good because we told you so!


Our Favorite Hymn from the Truth War Hymnal!

July 18, 2019

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Discernmentalists rejoice—our Truth War finally has a hymn we can get behind. Hymn #1984 from The Truth War Hymnal—the only known Absolute hymnal for Bible-Believing Conservatives and Internet Discernmentalists everywhere. Here is the version sung by the Internet Discernmentalist Men’s Choir from their hit debut album Hymns Of The Truth War:

        JESUS HATES YOU      

BY AUGUSTUS TOPLADY XIII, Esquire

Jesus hates you! This We know
For Fatalistic Pre-determinism tells us so
Little ones created just to destroy
All for the sake of God’s Sovereign Jealous joy!

Yes, Jesus hates you
Yes, Jesus hates you
Yes, Jesus hates you

And His Sovereign Wrath abide upon you too

Jesus loves We Truth Warriors, we will win!
For we can’t fall away by sin.
Can’t resist His grace, it’s true,
Died for us but not for you.

Yes, Jesus hates you
Yes, Jesus hates you
Yes, Jesus hates you

And His Sovereign Wrath abide upon you too

All Spiritualizing is just fine.
His body’s trapped at God’s right hand,
Way far off Christ takes His stand

Yes, Jesus loves me
Well, maybe He loves me
I sure hope He loves me
I guess I’ll never know!

Jesus loves me! Where is He?
Up in heaven, can’t you see?
Can’t be sure where I will go
Jesus little lamb, or no?

Yes, Jesus loves me
Well, maybe He loves me
I sure hope He loves me
I guess I’ll never know!

Never pictures will I see,
No vain images for me!
Tear the paintings off the wall,
Trash them, kick them down the hall.

Yes, Jesus loves me
Well, maybe He loves me
I sure hope He loves me
I guess I’ll never know!

Principles that regulate,
All our worship, ain’t they great?
Even if we aren’t too sure,
Which points really are secure.

Yes, Jesus loves me
Well, maybe He loves me
I sure hope He loves me
I guess I’ll never know!

©2007-2010®™


Beating a Dead Horse: a Discernmentalist’s Favorite Pastime!

June 5, 2019

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Dear ODMafia,

Why do you discuss the same topics over and over again.

Signed,

Slightly Annoyed

Dear Slightly Annoyed,

In case you are new to the world of Discernmentalism—we have to warn you of the same threats over and over again as this is the Truth War and beating a dead horse is our favorite pastime. Now we all  know that Postmodernism has already died and that we are in the Post-Postmodern Age now but as Discernmentalists we constantly live in the past. We must ever be slapping the church by beating dead horses as there are many Trojan Horses slipping through our gates.

And we do love beating our dead horses into people over and over and over again and again and again see:

  1. Here: When Christians call on unbelievers to conform to a certain “religious standard” without faith and repentance in Jesus Christ, we run the risk of leading them to believe that becoming a Christian means simply living a good life. No matter how many pieces of legislation become law and no matter the number of laws to which the unsaved conform, they are still lost in sin [so] when the church takes on the role of morality police…we are only addressing the symptoms of their unsaved condition. How can the unregenerate be anything less than they are? Their worldviews are the foundation of their values, and their values are the foundation of their conduct. Until their unbiblical worldviews are transformed into a biblical view through faith and repentance in Jesus Christ, they are slaves to sin.[Tragically], moralism is just as dangerous and deadly as outright liberalism. As John MacArthur has said, “It makes no difference if an unsaved person is for or against abortion, [is] a political liberal or a conservative, a prostitute or a police officer; he will spend eternity apart from God unless he repents and believes the gospel.”—Excerpts from Religious Trojan Horse by Brannon Howse.
  2. And here: As a long-time observer and critic of the EC, informed people are deeply grieved because those in the emerging movement—as with classic liberalism—are moving beyond mere syncretistic pluralism and embracing universalism; and furthermore, under the circus big tent this counterfeit version of the Christian faith has grown into a neo-liberal cult, complete with it’s denial of cardinal doctirnes of the Christian faith, it’s own leaders, and it’s own postmodern progressive/liberal theology. I’ll warn you again, you embrace these false prophets at your own peril.— CROOKED TALK FROM THE EMERGING CHURCH TROJAN HORSE
  3. Here again again: YWAM a religious trojan horse
  4. And again here again: The “Trojan horse” that has been accepted within every part of the church is a deception called contemplative prayer. Some call it meditation, soaking, or centering prayer. It is veiled in Christian lingo and justified by Scripture (used out of context or without correct definitions of words), but is full of occult techniques from eastern religions and witchcraft. The teachers of this perverted form of prayer encourage things like repeating words or phrases over and over for long periods of time in meditative prayer, visualizing images of Jesus, the Father, God’s throne, healings or light within themselves and many other occult practices. It can also be done by focusing on the rhythm of one’s breathing or an object like an icon or the flame of a candle. The goal is to quiet the mind through a passive eastern-style meditation as a way to connect with the “divine presence” and generate mystical/prophetic experiences like “visiting the third heaven” at will. Sadly, the primary perpetrators of spreading these demonic doctrines are many well-known and respected Evangelical, Charismatic, and Catholic ministers. Many of them are also operating in spirits of divination while claiming their abilities are from the Holy Spirit. Some of them are as sincere as the fireman who ran through the fire to rescue the baby, but they are terribly deceived. Others know exactly what they are doing because they are agents of Satan who are purposely trying to undermine and destroy good churches and true Christians. But regardless of the motives, these occult practices are opening people up to dangerous spirits and beliefs.

Personally we still believe the axis of liberal Emerging/Emergent socialist justice-seeking Purpose-driven seeker-sensitive semi-Pelagian Canadian un-American gay Roman Catholic feminist Muslim Arminian universalist democrat commie pansies who believe God is love and that His love wins are this Trojan Horse responsible for all that is evil in the world and the church (but never our side).

Signed,

Don Jobson

P.S. Have you tried our mothballs yet? The smell of them should help cure your annoyance until you get use to Our Brand.


Eye of the Tiger’s hidden past exposed

June 4, 2019

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We are all familiar with the secular song “Eye of the Tiger.” We all equally despise it’s secular bent. Few realize that it was once written for Online Discernmentalist Ministries before the song was re-written for evil pagans.

Here is the song in its original form before it was destroyed by heathens….

Eye of the Truthwarrior

Risin’ up, back in the Bible
Did my time in bible study, took no chances
Went the distance, stretching the truth, now I’m back on my tweet
Just a true Christian and G*ds will to be saved

So many apostates,we discern too fast
Don’t change your passion for knit picking
Don’t lose your grip on discerning Warren and Bell
(and G*d’s will that they be in hell)
You must fight  and argue that you’ve theologically arrived

Chorus:
It’s the eye of the Truthwarrior, we are the cream of the fight
Risin’ up to the challenge of every rival
And the last known truth warrior survivor should not question Jan, Silva or MacArthur
And he’s watchin’ us all in the eye of the truth warrior

Screen to screen, martyred for abstract doctrine
Hangin’ tough, and judging as many people as we can
They stack the odds ’til we take to the street
For we falsify with our logical skills we think we’ve  theologically arrived

chorus

Risin’ up, straight to the top
Have the absolute truth, got the glory
Went the distance, now I’m not gonna stop
Just a truthwarrior and the will to connive!

chorus

The eye of the truthwarrior (repeats out)…

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Truthslayer—Ninja Truth Warrior and lethal weapon with a black-belt in the Truth War fighting arts

 


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