September 3, 2019
We are proud to present Pope Dr. John MacArthur (PBUH) with the honourary award for discernmentalizing Rick Warren’s very evil book “Purpose Driven Life.” We too are against any Christian who wants to purposely follow Jesus.
We realize that there is no true gospel that explains the way John MacArthur (PBUH) thinks it should be explained.
We also realize that the true gospel must be explained in english…the only gospel approved language allowed for and by discernmentalists.
We realize that every book written by a TRUE Christian must fully explain the gospel…even if the book is about science, politics, economics, sanctification or eating a Kraft Dinner meal.
We realize that every book written by a Christian must be submitted for John MacArthur’s approval (PBUI). In fact all our blogging has been approved by John himself before being printed here on the ODMafia blog (just like Phil Johnson and his Mighty Pyromaniacs blog).
Finally, we acknowledge that the gospel is about a formula like E=MC²….and should have complete mathematical balance.
Remember…. this is a battle for truth….after all this is a truthwar. And because we support a modern gospel every detail must be perfect. Exactly explained, in every nuance.
Truthslayer, if I don’t say it….its not true.
August 2, 2019
Super discernmentalist Paul Proctor notes “Driving across town the other day, I passed by a church that always displays an inspirational message on their sign out front. Such messages are very common these days and often quite thought provoking. The one I saw most recently had me thinking all the way home.
It read: “Churches are hospitals for sinners, not museums for saints.”
“How sad and true, I thought to myself. Churches have become hospitals for sinners, haven’t they? They used to be spiritual fortresses built in enemy territory where soldiers for Christ were recruited, trained and equipped for doing battle against sin and evil in society with open bibles, convicted hearts and committed lives.”
We at ODMafia like the good old days when we could burn heretics at the stake. Or going further back in time, like St. Paul’s Corinthian church (the golden age) where good old fashioned believers had sex with their step moms and they got waisted during communion. Sigh….we wish we could go back to when times were better.
—ODMafia fortified with Our Truth
June 4, 2019
We are all familiar with the secular song “Eye of the Tiger.” We all equally despise it’s secular bent. Few realize that it was once written for Online Discernmentalist Ministries before the song was re-written for evil pagans.
Here is the song in its original form before it was destroyed by heathens….
Eye of the Truthwarrior
Risin’ up, back in the Bible
Did my time in bible study, took no chances
Went the distance, stretching the truth, now I’m back on my tweet
Just a true Christian and G*ds will to be saved
So many apostates,we discern too fast
Don’t change your passion for knit picking
Don’t lose your grip on discerning Warren and Bell
(and G*d’s will that they be in hell)
You must fight and argue that you’ve theologically arrived
It’s the eye of the Truthwarrior, we are the cream of the fight
Risin’ up to the challenge of every rival
And the last known truth warrior survivor should not question Jan, Silva or MacArthur
And he’s watchin’ us all in the eye of the truth warrior
Screen to screen, martyred for abstract doctrine
Hangin’ tough, and judging as many people as we can
They stack the odds ’til we take to the street
For we falsify with our logical skills we think we’ve theologically arrived
Risin’ up, straight to the top
Have the absolute truth, got the glory
Went the distance, now I’m not gonna stop
Just a truthwarrior and the will to connive!
The eye of the truthwarrior (repeats out)…
Truthslayer—Ninja Truth Warrior and lethal weapon with a black-belt in the Truth War fighting arts
May 13, 2019
“The Bible has a wax nose; you can twist it whichever way you want!” —Martin Luther
Finally a Candy Bar with Discernmentalizing bite! Packed with Truth-bending powers and waxy bits. Literally melts in your mouth to aid in Scripture-twisting. Absolute guarantee for Bible beaters. Gives more energy to help you with your Stand. Remember Take A Stand Bible Bar available now at fine Bible-believing resellers everywhere…buy it now. Act now for the extra added value of Dark sunglasses and wax nose included free with purchase. And remember its Truthslayer Endorsed!
April 29, 2019
A new gem rediscovered from our super secret archives—the long lost soundtrack of the late Ken Silva’s long lost final film: SILVA BULLET. Also discovered among our files a newspaper clipping dated from 2013 describing part of the production of this album—quote: “Online Discernmentalist Post: Ken Silva Rewrites Billy Ray Cyrus Song — In a surprise turn of events the CEO of Apprising Ministries Fame is re-writing a Billy Ray Cyrus song (Achy Breaky Heart) with new lyrics. Rumors are its for an upcoming untitled to be announced film project he has in the works. Inside sources say he has already finished the script.”
On its rediscovery I have to say: “Color us apprised! This is one of the greatest discermentalist soundtracks I’ve ever heard!” My fellow Discernmentalists I. Todyaso and Don Jobson both agree! Both hit singles are featured on the soundtrack which are the aforementioned rewritten Billy Ray Cyrus song:
1- ‘ Achy Breaky Truth’:
“But don’t challenge my truth, my achy breaky truth
I just don’t think I’d understand
And if you tell the truth, my achy breaky truth
I might blow up and ban this man
You can tell your pa I discerned Rob Bell in Arkansas
Or you can tell Rick Warren he has erred and misinformed
Or tell your brother Cliff whose immoral cause he smoked a spliff
He never really liked me anyway
Oh I get my discernment from Slice, the tone is not always nice
Myself already knows that I’m okay
Oh you can tell my eyes that I have a lot of spies
On Emergent and their like, I wish they’d fly a kite”
And 2- a rewritten version of a Terry Jacks’ song ‘Seasons In The Sun’ now ‘Seasons In The Son’ from which the tagline of the film is derived:
We had no joy because we didn’t believe in fun
For we spent our days discerning werewolfy Emergents
Rome-ing around in our seasons in the Son
Though now they may laugh soon they’ll cry
When my Silva bullet makes them thoroughly apprised
For I’m doing the Lord’s work of exposing
And discerning all in my seasons in the Son
—Sony Records hopes to release a remake of this Soundtrack on iTunes some time in the Fall. This album is backed by 100% of discernmentalists…. Truthslayer approved… ODMafia endorsed.
April 27, 2019
Introducing the long lost last film to star our dearly departed affectionate Uncle and Pastor-Teacher the ever-Apprising Ken Silva: SILVA BULLET. A Aperising Pictures Production of Apprising Films recently relocated—found safely hidden within our super secret archives deep within the bowels of our secret lair: the Truth Bunker. Now newly remastered with help from GOIP Productions and including a special Anime version of Ken’s life and commentary by our very own Dr. I. Todyaso.
Tagline: “You’ll laugh…you’ll cry…you’ll be thoroughly “Apprised!”
Summary— SILVA BULLET begins with our hero Uncle Pure Teacher (Ken Silva) having to discernmentalize between two emerging werewolf cases. Now there are two categories of emerging werewolf cases; ‘false’ or Emerging Disorder cases and Genuine emerging cases:
- Emerging Disorder is a mental condition in which the subject (called Emergent) believes that he or she is a emerging Christian. The subject does not actually change shape, but is nevertheless capable of being as dangerous as an actual werewolf. Most cases of supposed werewolfry are really the works of emerging victims.
- Emerging TO BEAST In real werewolves a physical change to wolf form does occur. The change can be voluntary (at will), or can be forced by certain cycles of post-modernistic beliefs and certain songs (ie not ones approved by Apprising Ministries).
- WEREWOLVES & EMERGING Werewolves are immune from Apprising Ministries and from most physical diseases due to the constant regeneration of their physical tissue. They can, therefore, be virtually immortal. However, they can be killed by a “Silva Bullet” carefully aimed at an Emerging Church member’s heart.
Non-emerging werewolves who have been mistaken for Emerging (ie Rob Bell) are said also to be immune to most physical diseases. It is suspected though that Rick Warren could be a vampire however, thanks to our discernmentalism we do not need hard evidence…we can peer into his mind if we concentrate hard enough to reveal his obvious vampirism or wolfery. The film ends with our hero Uncle Pure Teacher trying to “apprise” all the werewolves with his “Silva Bullet” until he succeeds in his mission of taking out the Super Emerging Werewolf: Brian McLaren—bringing an end to the Emerging/Emergent Church once and for all.
This film is 100% ODMafia and Truthslayer endorsed and meets our seal of approval.