Beating a Dead Horse: a Discernmentalist’s Favorite Pastime!

June 5, 2019

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Dear ODMafia,

Why do you discuss the same topics over and over again.

Signed,

Slightly Annoyed

Dear Slightly Annoyed,

In case you are new to the world of Discernmentalism—we have to warn you of the same threats over and over again as this is the Truth War and beating a dead horse is our favorite pastime. Now we all  know that Postmodernism has already died and that we are in the Post-Postmodern Age now but as Discernmentalists we constantly live in the past. We must ever be slapping the church by beating dead horses as there are many Trojan Horses slipping through our gates.

And we do love beating our dead horses into people over and over and over again and again and again see:

  1. Here: When Christians call on unbelievers to conform to a certain “religious standard” without faith and repentance in Jesus Christ, we run the risk of leading them to believe that becoming a Christian means simply living a good life. No matter how many pieces of legislation become law and no matter the number of laws to which the unsaved conform, they are still lost in sin [so] when the church takes on the role of morality police…we are only addressing the symptoms of their unsaved condition. How can the unregenerate be anything less than they are? Their worldviews are the foundation of their values, and their values are the foundation of their conduct. Until their unbiblical worldviews are transformed into a biblical view through faith and repentance in Jesus Christ, they are slaves to sin.[Tragically], moralism is just as dangerous and deadly as outright liberalism. As John MacArthur has said, “It makes no difference if an unsaved person is for or against abortion, [is] a political liberal or a conservative, a prostitute or a police officer; he will spend eternity apart from God unless he repents and believes the gospel.”—Excerpts from Religious Trojan Horse by Brannon Howse.
  2. And here: As a long-time observer and critic of the EC, informed people are deeply grieved because those in the emerging movement—as with classic liberalism—are moving beyond mere syncretistic pluralism and embracing universalism; and furthermore, under the circus big tent this counterfeit version of the Christian faith has grown into a neo-liberal cult, complete with it’s denial of cardinal doctirnes of the Christian faith, it’s own leaders, and it’s own postmodern progressive/liberal theology. I’ll warn you again, you embrace these false prophets at your own peril.— CROOKED TALK FROM THE EMERGING CHURCH TROJAN HORSE
  3. Here again again: YWAM a religious trojan horse
  4. And again here again: The “Trojan horse” that has been accepted within every part of the church is a deception called contemplative prayer. Some call it meditation, soaking, or centering prayer. It is veiled in Christian lingo and justified by Scripture (used out of context or without correct definitions of words), but is full of occult techniques from eastern religions and witchcraft. The teachers of this perverted form of prayer encourage things like repeating words or phrases over and over for long periods of time in meditative prayer, visualizing images of Jesus, the Father, God’s throne, healings or light within themselves and many other occult practices. It can also be done by focusing on the rhythm of one’s breathing or an object like an icon or the flame of a candle. The goal is to quiet the mind through a passive eastern-style meditation as a way to connect with the “divine presence” and generate mystical/prophetic experiences like “visiting the third heaven” at will. Sadly, the primary perpetrators of spreading these demonic doctrines are many well-known and respected Evangelical, Charismatic, and Catholic ministers. Many of them are also operating in spirits of divination while claiming their abilities are from the Holy Spirit. Some of them are as sincere as the fireman who ran through the fire to rescue the baby, but they are terribly deceived. Others know exactly what they are doing because they are agents of Satan who are purposely trying to undermine and destroy good churches and true Christians. But regardless of the motives, these occult practices are opening people up to dangerous spirits and beliefs.

Personally we still believe the axis of liberal Emerging/Emergent socialist justice-seeking Purpose-driven seeker-sensitive semi-Pelagian Canadian un-American gay Roman Catholic feminist Muslim Arminian universalist democrat commie pansies who believe God is love and that His love wins are this Trojan Horse responsible for all that is evil in the world and the church (but never our side).

Signed,

Don Jobson

P.S. Have you tried our mothballs yet? The smell of them should help cure your annoyance until you get use to Our Brand.


Breaking: Rick Warren Reemerges with Purpose… Seeker-Driven Machine!

June 2, 2019

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Rick Warren’s new Seeker-Driven All Purpose Machine of Doom

Truth War Digest- An Old Enemy Reemerges with a New Threat:

Recently our Rick Warren Threat level alarms were alerted to a new sinister Purpose-Driven Seeker plot by the sinfully-ecumenical purposeful pope of all things seeker-driven-ness against our Clear Teachings that life just like the church must be as purposeless and terrible as possible. Just listen to this hideously apostate and heretical quote: “Through his Word, God helps you to see life through a different perspective. Psalm 119:105 says, “Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path” (NIV). God’s Word gives us direction in life; it shows us the path God wants us on.”—Rick Warren

Elsewhere Todd Friel (Wretched) [who only wishes he were half the discernmentalist as we are—otherwise he would have detected Warren’s new hideously apostate Seeker-Driven Purpose machine before we did] has discernmentalized:

Friel highlights comments made by Warren in a conversation between him and the Orange County Bishop Kevin Vann which he says were way too ‘ecumenical’ and lacked distinction between the two strands of the Christian faith.

“The Roman Catholic Church has led so many people away from truth,” says Friel. “We committed to pray for each other,” said Warren about his growing friendship with the Bishop. “I’m sorry, I wouldn’t ask a Roman Catholic to pray for me,” responds Friel. “Those prayers are not being heard especially if they are offered to a saint or to Mary.”

We know God doesn’t listen to the prayers of anyone unless they believe in our Doctrine first and that none of our Godly ministries have purposes nor are they seeker-driven. This is why we must call all our Truth Warriors to unite around our Doctrine and help us take a stand and put down and submerge Rick Warren’s new threat of a sinisterly sinfully-ecumenical (against our Clear Teachings against such) seeker-driven machine of purpose.


Farewell again @John Piper!

May 22, 2019

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The push of the social gospel is now reaching even those who have been staunch supporters of the work we do here at ODMafia. Our beloved and revered under leader of reformed theology, John Piper, has slipped the tracks. Abandoning the true faith for the man pleasing Gospel of Shane Claiborne. In the following video you will hear Pastor Piper declare to the “Young, Restless, and Reformed” crowd to not waste their lives on retirement. Instead he admonishes them to consider; clean water, homeless people, and the needy:

I too like my fellow Discernmentalists am becoming so tired of hearing people in the church talking about being on the social justice committee. There is a difference between justice and social justice! For one Social Justice is cultural marxism and every church needs to get on the same page and disavow themselves from using this leftest marxist terminology and simply call their churches work justice, plain and simple! Secondly Social justice sounds too like Satan’s doctrine: socialism…and you don’t clink glass with the devils cohort’s or entertain the devils terminology even when it sound all warm and fuzzy. “Idiots”!!!!

Are any of our Doctrines and fellow Reformed types safe from being perverted by the heretical hordes? Finally my faithful Truth Warriors I leave you this quote from our Beloved Over-leader John MacArthur (PBUH):

aspects of true justice are conspicuously missing from the recent evangelical dialogue touting “social justice.” Instead, what we hear is an echo of the same accusatory rhetoric and political slogans being shouted by secular social justice warriors. That fact ought to awaken the Berean urge in every Christian.


Discerning the world (DTW) advancing STRETCH TECHNOLOGY

May 20, 2019

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Thankfully, our fellow discernmentalists Discerning The World are applying STRETCH tech to the world of discernmentalism. In case you are wondering STRETCH stands for   Survey Truth Revise & Exaggerate Truncate Cacophony of Hagiomania.

Here is what DTW found out about Rob Bell:

“Rob BellThe Story We’re Telling:    sin, salvation, business, art, justice and the importance of beginning in the beginning”

Indeed, very subversive stuff. Story telling,sin and even a THREAT to go back to the beginning. So what is so dark about….THE BEGINNING?

Using STRETCH… this is the sinister plot that was EXPOSED….remember STRETCH accurately interprets EVERYTHING! So here is the STRETCH interpretation as follows (will original spelling errors included):

” [DTW note: they are saying that you have got to go back to the beginning, go back to where ancient knowledge originately from, where sacret arts originationed from in order to move forward. How far do we have to go back? To the very beginning, of course. We, each individual person, needs to eat from the tree of life in order to gain knowledge.

Genesis 3:4-5   4 The serpent said to the woman, “You surely will not die!   5 “For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”] ”

Insightful for sure!

Discernmentalist groups like us like to zone in on the negative.We like to find the worst, believe the least, and expect to find a sinister plot behind every bush or milk crate. We fully support this.  This is indeed an excellent application of ascertaining truth.

However we do have some questions………………………………..

Beginning Now…..lets look at the “BEGINNING
Ge 1:1 – In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.

1) All knowledge and ALL things (visible and invisable) would begin with and from God’s creation. Very dark indeed.  Truth coming from God himself…how dare Him!

Ps 111:10 –   The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding. To him belongs eternal praise.

2) Hmmmm. Could Rob perhaps be alluding to the beginning in reference to wisdom? Perhaps, but in good discernmentalist fashion DTW does not provide context. Only DTW ‘wisdom.’ Of course we endorse this kind of expert discernmentalism…out of context wisdom.

Pr 1:7 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.

3) This is astounding. Fools despise wisdom. Not us… we love DTW  ‘wisdom. ‘ Proverbs also suggests that the FEAR (REVERENCE) of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge.  Hmmm. Something must be wrong with this verse because DTW suggests that we must reference satan as the beginning.

Recently we heard DTW were revising their STRETCH TECH as they’ve found even newer applications of it.

We at ODMAFA would like to put an offer in on this newly revised version of STRETCH TECHNOLOGY. This is obviously a MUCH needed technology that would alleviate us from having to think rationally, read our bibles, or depend on our robot research monkeys. If anyone out there can put us in touch with DTW, or contact DTW so that we can get a bargain deal on new STRETCH we’d appreciate it!

Truthslayer stretching the Truth with Action

PS Just remember that SATAN according to Discernmentalist Tradition is at the beginning….not God, or wisdom.


Vatican spiritually terrorizing Bible-Believers with Pornographic art

May 17, 2019

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Photo from  Mrs. Jobson’s old college textbookLINK

Ray Comfort (Awesome) Hell’s Best Kept Secret warns that the Vatican is spiritually terrorizing innocent Bible-Believers with pornographic art. Quote: “It’s dishonest to steal God’s ideas and say they came from nothing. Especially if one is going to paint or sculpt nude figures that might cause others to lust in their heart. Michelangelo’s Statue of David is obscene because its essentially pornographic as well as the Sistine Chapel.” Ray (Awesome)’s original quote on this from his Comfort Blog (Awesome) has been raptured into an atheist black hole so we pressed him to make a new statement on this—while working on our version of that sinful Arthur episode.

Thankfully Mrs. Jobson’s old college textbook on artwork censors all those smutty pics and sculptures so our house is lust-free. That reminds me of a funny story from when our son little Calvin was 8… we always read from the Old Testament for bed time stories to put our children to sleep… so he knows to stay clear of idolatry…. *chuckle*…Anyways Calvin was playing outside when he caught a glimpse of our apostate neighbor’s statue of a little girl and little boy kissing so he got it in his head and he smashed it….heh heh. Our son the Little Iconoclast!

On a related note Ray (Awesome) wanted us to plug his Awesome Bible-based art (Awesome):


Breaking: Discernmentalists to release newly discernmentalized version of “controversial” Arthur episode!

May 17, 2019

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Discernmentalists’ Discernmentalized Version of the Ratburn wedding episode of Arthur

Discernmentalists around the web have banded together to stop the assault on our Biblical marriages by fictional gay cartoon rats as we’ve already explained: Here and Here. So in keeping with our Discernmentalist traditions—we’ve decided to release a newly ghey and Canadian-free discernmentalized version of said “controversial” Arthur episode. Dr. Truthslayer has assured me that he has rounded up an all hetero white Conservative Bible-believing American voice cast to make sure the voice acting is ghey free. Ken Ham has overseen the reanimation process so that no lines may tempt viewers into becoming ghey. Dr. I. Todyaso has written an impeccable script and a PSA that will show at both the beginning and the end of the episode.

In our new discernmentalized version of this episode—suspected Sintologist Franklin Graham will voice act the Minister that will Biblically marry Mr. Ratburn to a Mrs. Ratburn instead of a Mr. Whocares. After the wedding Mr. Ratburn being a Bible-believing rat will assert his Male Headship over his new wife reminding her that her place is at home in the kitchen making his dinner and baby rats. On weekends when he’s not forcing doing Bible-based stuff with his new wife or doing his job to support and protect her through his 401k Elementary school teaching career—he’ll give Brain extra credit assignments just so he can get Brain alone so he can preach the Gospel of God’s Wrath to that smart-aleck atheist sinner.

The next half of the episode will feature Mr. Ratburn teaching the kids of Lakewood Elementary the Bible-believing values of picketing abortion clinics. Francine will accuse her garbage-collecting dad of being a liberal Environmentalist in league with an Emergent Global Warming cult. The kids will out Muffy as a closeted anti-American commie for writing a blog that sounds suspiciously liberal: Muffington Post. {Edit: We would make another joke but we’ve erased all the gheyness from this originally abominable episode}. In the end Brain will finally get regenerated and accept his salvation through Mr. Ratburn’s preaching of the Law of the Angry Sovereign God of Wrath through a Way of the Master: “Are you a good person?” test. Afterwards Mr. Ratburn forces Brain to do a book report on Ray Comfort* Hell’s Best Kept Secret—Brain then agrees that bananas prove that Evolution is a myth invented by liberally socialistic atheist scientists as well as Global Warming. The End?

{*- Note: Ray Comfort’s lawyer made us sign a non-disclosure agreement so we can’t tell you that when he heard about our project he begged us to let him be a part of it and to let us let him plug his book and ways of evangelism through guilt and fear. Also Kirk Cameron and Candace Cameron-Bure’s as well so we can’t tell you that Kirk Cameron is voicing the Brain; Candace is voicing Francine as well as Muffy and Mrs. Ratburn/all the girl parts (so we could cut costs—we also pay her less); and Ray of course is voicing Mr. Ratburn.} 

“Finally an animated anthropomorphic animal marriage for True Bible-believers and a great Bible-believing episode of Arthur. This is entertainment as it’s meant to be—a fight on the leftist assault on our values, eyes and ears— please consider a large donation to the Online Discernmentalist Mafia to help us continue our good fight on fictional gay characters like cartoon rats.”—Activist Mommy after viewing a donors’ only sneak preview of the newly discernmentalized version of the “controversial” Arthur episode.

Protecting the children through fear,

Don Jobson

 


Sasquatch almost reveals Secret Identities of Online Discernmentalists behind the Mafia

May 16, 2019

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Depiction of the event in question

Our secret identities *were almost revealed by a Freudian slip made in a unSocialist media conversation today with a Sasquatch. Thankfully our identities are fully protected by our cloaking technology as are our Doctrines extra protected by our new Action Pants. Dr. Itodyaso using Convincing Iridescent Shockwaves soothed the Sasquatch while Don Jobson Bellowed Convincing yelps. Meanwhile Truthslayer missing in action was Secretly operating Laser mirroring images with help from Eric Barger’s STRETCH technology from our notTwitter page in order to erase the Sasquatch’s memory. We wonder if this is revenge for when Bigfoot almost got saved and are now beginning to wonder if this Sasquatch is really secretly a Boogie-Foot. As our late great Pastor-Teacher use to say:

“Boogie-foots are hijacking conservative evangelical denominations by New Age mysticism and here’s how to spot these dangerous teachings…HOW DO Christians know what to think when our pastors bring teachings into church that are rooted in heresy or the occult? Discernmentalism, that’s how. Know the genuine article so you can spot the counterfeit.”

Sadly our Discernmentalism is still suffering from the shock of having our secret identities almost revealed that we have yet to discernmentalize whether or not this Sasquatch is a Bigfoot or Boogie-Foot or an Abominable Snowman.

Still hiding in our Truth protected by our Doctrines as the job of discernmentalizing discerners is not for the faint of heart,

Don Jobson

*Update: We almost forgot that we learnt to hide our identities from our late mentor:

I have learned from my Mentor, the esteemed Discernmentalist Pastor-Teacher Ken Silva, who was in turn mentored by the late Dr. Walter Martin, that one should never truly reveal one’s identity. No one knows how the esteemed Pastor-Teacher Ken Silva looks like, where his church is or even if Ken Silva is his real name. This is important in order to safe guard one’s reputation and even life. You never know when one of those emergent heretics decide to do some Transcendental Meditation and comes to haunt you in your very own home!

Will Farel XV
Hiding from for the Truth


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