July 23, 2010
Taking off where Senator McCarthy should have left alone, we welcome McCarthy Ministries in full partnership with ODMafia. We also believe they if we suspect you of ‘red’ you are probably spiritually dead as well. In fact the only good commie is a dead commie.
How do we define commie?
1) You criticize capitalism
2) You criticize corporations
3) You think sharing your possessions is biblical.
4) You believe that Christians should be socially engaged in aiding the poor.
5) You are not troubled by the word ‘social’ in a sentence.
6) You believe that some form of universal health care could be beneficial.
If you detect any one of these attributes in ministry, friend, family or enemy REPORT them to us at once so that we might discernmentalize them immediately. Remember, we have FOURformidable foes battling the church today; Islam, Emergents, people who use candles in worship and Commies (remember this is absolute biblical truth). We must do our do diligence and fight these enemies. Remember, our weapons are of flesh and blood, in name calling and verbal attacks!
Stay with me friends…we must fight!
July 19, 2010
Number 4 in our lessons on ODM Science:
July 5, 2010
ODMS across North America have spent an awful lot of money to come up with new and innovate ways to eaves drop on the Emerging Church. The new SPY LOCUST 1000 is designed to be small, nimble and obtrusiveness…..weighing in at only 16 pounds, and measure 18 inches by 4 inches… it can be barely seen by emergents too busy watching Rob Bell videos and combing their trendy hair (ie like Dan Kimball).
ODMafia research robot monkeys conducted several interviews. One ODM suggested that this was a dawn of a new age (but not in a new agey way), that would usher in listening devices to catch emergents red handed sitting on couches sipping fair trade gourmet coffee. Another suggested that the Spy Locust 1000 could be linked to other locusts thereby swarming and driving emergents out of the city where their doctrines of anti-modernism would lesson the chance of overcoming the status quo.
The Spy Locust 1000 can sniff out one emergent in a group of 10,000 people, decide who is in and out of the true church and do this all 1,000 times a second (thus Spy Locust 1000). This series can also detect whether you have listened to Brian McLaren or NT Wright and will ear piercing sirens upon a positive search.
June 30, 2010
Eric Barger reveals “The REAL Purpose of the Church” by giving a sneak preview of what’s in store for all True ODM Churches in these Last Days. What’s in store for all Pure ODM Churches taking a stand for Absolute Truth you may ask? Why! Nothing but the blessed rapture! (Thanks to one of our Reasearch Robot Monkeys for catching this).
However we are not quite satisfied with that answer as we are not quite in the Last Days of this Great Tribulation of Emergent apostasy—because of this we must continue to stand for Truth so that we will be ready—Rapture Ready when the blessed rapture occurs before Jesus returns and comes to slay all the non-Elect unregenerate reprobates.
Are you ready? Here is our list of what one must do to be ready in order to prepare for the blessed rapture:
- Unconditionally support every act of Israel even their acts of terrorism
- Unconditionally support USA-brand Imperialism
- Vote Obama and every Democrat out of office
- Smoke a Spurgeon-approved cigar
- Buy 667 copies of John MacArthur’s book The Truth War: Fighting for Certainty in an Age of Deception and leave one copy everywhere you go just in case one of the regenerate predestined Elect accidently stumbles upon a copy and awakens to their status of being among the regenerate predestined Elect
- Outlaw all abortion and homosexuality
- Use only a King James AV1611 Bible or ESV
- Burn any copy of Rick Warren’s Purpose Driven Life, Brian McLaren’s books or any other Emergent type book that you come across preferably while performing a Bible-Based animal sacrifice or while burning Emergent heretics themselves
- Read only the Online Discernmentalist Mafia, The Official Blog Of God’s Only Inerrant Party, Ken Silva and other ODMs to get your facts]
- Continue to be ever-vigilant and ever-valiant in your stand for our Absolute Biblical Truth
June 19, 2010
Fellow discernmentalists….we are under attack (AGAIN!!!!!) Our research robot monkeys found the following quote to prove that our mighty ministries are being undermined:
“Jesus’ parable of the Pharisee and the publican (aka tax collector) is something that many of us cling to. This world is lousy with Pharisees (particularly as described in this parable) and the advent of the blogosphere just gave them a bigger bully pulpit and a louder megaphone. Trying to disabuse readers of some of their silliness — more specifically, trying to help others avoid the pain brought to me by the Pharisees in my own life — is one of the primary reasons that I write.”
Emphasis here on calling TRUTH WARRIORS PHARISEES (evidence #1) and therefore this attacker of truth will WRITE/BLOG (evidence #2).Moreover, the lies continue with accusatory remarks of “sillyness” and references to us being a “bully pulpit ” (evidence #3). We may be called bullies because you are too weak to stand for the truth…but we….WE are are not bullies. We are simply bold in the truth and you are too weak kneed and spineless to Take A Stand. This blogger obviously did not learn true apologetics from Walter Martin Cassette Tapes.
I cannot stand these ingrates attacking Online Discernment Ministerial truth. It just makes me sick to my stomach to listen to such venom.
Therefore I am calling all true discernmentalists together for the mother (not Mary mother of Jesus) of all true wars.
PS this notorious attacker of truth also suggested that truth warriors like us should try humility. That is subversive talk to shut us up. Its another way of warping the bible to keep bullies for truth quiet. We won’t stand for it.