We proudly support them…

July 23, 2010

Taking off where Senator McCarthy should have left alone, we welcome McCarthy Ministries in full partnership with ODMafia. We also believe they if we suspect you of ‘red’ you are probably spiritually dead as well. In fact the only good commie is a dead commie.

How do we define commie?

1) You criticize capitalism

2) You criticize corporations

3) You think sharing your possessions is biblical.

4) You believe that Christians should be socially engaged in aiding the poor.

5) You are not troubled by the word ‘social’ in a sentence.

6) You believe that some form of universal health care could be beneficial.

If you detect any one of these attributes in ministry, friend, family or enemy REPORT them to us at once so that we might discernmentalize them immediately. Remember, we have FOURformidable foes battling the church today; Islam, Emergents, people who use candles in worship and Commies (remember this is absolute biblical truth). We must do our do diligence and fight these enemies. Remember, our weapons are of flesh and blood, in name calling and verbal attacks!

Stay with me friends…we must fight!

Truthslayer


Ken Silva Is UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist!

July 22, 2010

 

Ken Silva and his Internet Para-Church of the True Remnant star in UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist the newest comedic Sci-Fi Discernmentalist smash hit and Blockbuster of the Summer! Fresh and straight from the creators of Full Mental Jack-@ss. Ken Silva as UltraKen leads his Internet Para-Church of the True Remnant: the Ultra-Discernmentalist Mafia as they sing, they dance and chant in a non-Contemplative way and most importantly they fight off the Babylonian hordes from Emergent Village. Watch as UltraKen and his army of loyal Truth Warriors the Ultra-Discernmentalists take on the evil reptilianoid Tony Jones, the equally evil dragonoid Doug Pagitt and the rest of the Kaiju (怪獣, kaijū)* from the Babylonian hordes of Emergent Village.

UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist features a special guest appearance by Chris Rosebrough of Pirate Radio playing the role of Spider-Pirateman. UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist coming soon this Summer to a theater near you. Itodyaso raves: “UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist contains over 40 times more Ken Silva than either Apprising Ministries or Christian Research Network!” Truthslayer exclaims: “Stupendous!” “A True Biblically Based comedic thrill-ride,” says Arthur McJohn; “my favorite part is when one of the UltraKens threw one of the Anabaptimergent Kaiju (怪獣, kaijū) into a fiery pit and said ‘this should prepare you for your eternal fate.’ I laughed so hard like Jesus ‘I Wept.'”

And now what you’ve all been waiting for the movie trailer—a montage of film clips from UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist of the army of UltraKens singing, dancing, training for battle in the Truth War and chanting in a non-Contemplative way plus some scenes of them fighting off the Babylonian hordes from Emergent Village:

*- Editors’ Note— In normal Japanese : 

Kaiju (怪獣, kaijū?) is a Japanese word that means “strange beast,” but often translated in English as “monster”. Specifically, it is used to refer to a genre of tokusatsu entertainment. Related terms include kaiju eiga (怪獣映画, kaijū eiga?, monster movie), a film featuring kaiju, kaijin (怪人?, referring to roughly humanoid monsters) and daikaiju (大怪獣, daikaijū?, giant monster), specifically meaning the larger variety of monsters. The most famous kaiju is Godzilla. Other well-known kaiju include Mothra, Anguirus, Rodan, Gamera and King Ghidorah. The term ultra-kaiju is short-hand for monsters in the Ultra Series.

In Yapaknees (a language derived from combining Japanese with Discernmentalese):

Kaiju (怪獣, kaijū) is a Yapaknees word that means “strange Emerging Emergent beast,” but often translated in English as “Emergent monster from the Babylonian hordes” or more simply “Emerging Emergent heretic.” Most Kaiju (怪獣, kaijū) are thought to come from Emergent Village. Two of the most famous kaiju are Tony Jones whose true form is a reptilianoid-type creature  and Doug Pagitt whose true form is a dragonoid-type creature—both featured in the new Discernmentalist Blockbuster Summer movie  UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist. (Source: New World Order Book Encyclopedia-the Discernmentalist Encyclopedia).


ODM Science Lesson # 4

July 19, 2010

 Number 4 in our lessons on ODM Science:


How To Spot A Grace-Hating Anabaptist Heretic In Your Church

July 10, 2010

Typical Anabaptists/Baptists minus the pitchforks, horns and tails. Photo of an actual Baptist Cult Coven Church service taking place just before they immerse new converts in foul smelling waters after walking down the aisle to the Altar to “make a decision to ask Christ Satan into their hearts;” then drink the blood of the dead as well  as steal other peoples’ money to give to the poor. Evilness—sheer evilness! Photo courtesy of Satan.

Finally we’ve nailed that idiot and a farce of a wannabe heretic and fake Christian, Ben Currin aka TheoPoet in the midst of supporting heresy:

Clearly these individuals are deluded not only that they are “unregenerate unsaved reprobates” not to be fellowshipped with as they aren’t even “Real Christians” like us as our Pure Doctrines attest:

“The Anabaptists (Baptists) are only mentioned by name twice, but…they had revived all the ancient heresies about the Holy Trinity and the Person of Christ…. Many of them were Pelagians…. Others claimed that, being regenerate, they were unable to commit sin…. Some depreciated all Scripture and placed themselves above even the Moral Law…. Some denied any need of ordination for Ministers, and claimed that the efficacy of all ministrations depended on the personal holiness of the Minister…. Infant baptism was denied…. All church discipline was repudiated…. Many held strange views about the descent into hell, the nature of the resurrection — and the future life, the ultimate salvation of all men, and millenarianism….. The authority of the State was impugned, and communism demanded.”

We know this is exactly what that idiot False Convert TheoPoet teaches and that he is secretly a “sectarian landmarkist” who hates our Pure Doctrines just look at the description of his apostate Blog:

“TheoPoetic Musings: RANDOM THEOLOGICAL THOUGHTS FROM AN ECUMENICAL POSTMODERN RADICAL REFORMED ARMINIAN NEO-ORTHODOX BARTHIAN MODERATE PROGRESSIVE TO LIBERAL BAPTIST PERSPECTIVE (OH AND SOME POETRY AND LYRICS,TOO) “—if that doesn’t smack of Pure Evil and divisive sectarianism then you must be “spiritually blind” and of the devil as well. Anyone who calls themself a Baptist, an Anabaptist or both or even says anything slighty positive about these “obstinate pig-dogs” should have their very salvation called into question. We Know that Spurgeon (a TrulyReformed Baptist Landmarkist Calvinist Christian) never had anything positive to say about Baptists nor Anabaptists as he believed and taught nothing but our Pure Doctrines. Anyone who is an Anabapist/Baptist is by default wrong as only We have the right to claim True Theology and True Church History:

P. S. Remember anyone who doesn’t bow down before our Pure Doctrines are the divisive ones not us. 

P. P. S. This article is 1000% Ken Silva-approved.


ODM Research and Design comes clean on new eaves dropping device

July 5, 2010

ODMS across North America have spent an awful lot of money to come up with new and innovate ways to eaves drop on the Emerging Church. The new SPY LOCUST 1000 is designed to be small, nimble and obtrusiveness…..weighing in at only 16 pounds, and measure 18 inches by 4 inches… it can be barely seen by emergents too busy watching Rob Bell videos and combing their trendy hair (ie like Dan Kimball).

ODMafia research robot monkeys conducted several interviews. One ODM suggested that this was a dawn of a new age (but not in a new agey way), that would usher in listening devices to catch emergents red handed sitting on couches sipping fair trade gourmet coffee. Another suggested that the Spy Locust 1000 could be linked to other locusts thereby swarming and driving emergents out of the city where their doctrines of anti-modernism would lesson the chance of overcoming the status quo.

The Spy Locust 1000 can sniff out one emergent in a group of 10,000 people, decide who is in and out of the true church and do this all 1,000 times a second (thus Spy Locust 1000). This series can also detect whether you have listened to Brian McLaren or NT Wright and will ear piercing sirens upon a positive search.

Truthslayer


“The REAL Purpose of the Church.”

June 30, 2010

 

Eric Barger reveals “The REAL Purpose of the Church” by giving a sneak preview of what’s in store for all True ODM Churches in these Last Days. What’s in store for all Pure ODM Churches taking a stand for Absolute Truth you may ask? Why! Nothing but the blessed rapture! (Thanks to one of our Reasearch Robot Monkeys for catching this).

However we are not quite satisfied with that answer as we are not quite in the Last Days of this Great Tribulation of Emergent apostasy—because of this we must continue to stand for Truth so that we will be ready—Rapture Ready when the blessed rapture occurs before Jesus returns and comes to slay all the non-Elect unregenerate reprobates.

Are you ready? Here is our list of what one must do to be ready in order to prepare for the blessed rapture

  • Unconditionally support every act of Israel even their acts of terrorism
  • Unconditionally support USA-brand Imperialism
  • Vote Obama and every Democrat out of office
  • Smoke a Spurgeon-approved cigar
  • Buy 667 copies of John MacArthur’s book The Truth War: Fighting for Certainty in an Age of Deception and leave one copy everywhere you go just in case one of the regenerate predestined Elect accidently stumbles upon a copy and awakens to their status of being among the regenerate predestined Elect
  • Outlaw all abortion and homosexuality
  • Use only a King James AV1611 Bible or ESV
  • Burn any copy of Rick Warren’s Purpose Driven Life, Brian McLaren’s books or any other Emergent type book that you come across preferably while performing a Bible-Based animal sacrifice or while  burning Emergent heretics themselves 
  • Read only the Online Discernmentalist Mafia, The Official Blog Of God’s Only Inerrant Party, Ken Silva and other ODMs to get your facts]
  • Continue to be ever-vigilant and ever-valiant in your stand for our Absolute Biblical Truth

Another attack on mighty truth warriors.

June 19, 2010

Fellow discernmentalists….we are under attack (AGAIN!!!!!) Our research robot monkeys found the following quote to prove that our mighty ministries are being undermined:

Jesus’ parable of the Pharisee and the publican (aka tax collector) is something that many of us cling to. This world is lousy with Pharisees (particularly as described in this parable) and the advent of the blogosphere just gave them a bigger bully pulpit and a louder megaphone. Trying to disabuse readers of some of their silliness — more specifically, trying to help others avoid the pain brought to me by the Pharisees in my own life — is one of the primary reasons that I write.”

Emphasis here on calling TRUTH WARRIORS PHARISEES (evidence #1) and therefore this attacker of truth will WRITE/BLOG (evidence #2).Moreover, the lies continue with accusatory remarks of “sillyness” and references to us being a “bully pulpit ” (evidence #3). We may be called bullies because you are too weak to stand for the truth…but we….WE are are not bullies. We are simply bold in the truth and you are too weak kneed and spineless to Take A Stand. This  blogger obviously did not learn true apologetics from Walter Martin Cassette Tapes.

I cannot stand these ingrates attacking Online Discernment Ministerial truth. It just makes me sick to my stomach to listen to such venom.

Therefore I am calling all true discernmentalists together for the mother (not Mary mother of Jesus) of all true wars.

Truthslayer

PS this notorious attacker of truth also suggested that truth warriors like us should try humility. That is subversive talk to shut us up. Its another way of warping the bible to keep bullies for truth quiet. We won’t stand for it.


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