Be Rapture-Ready for May 21, 2011!

May 17, 2011

Prepare for May 21st and be Rapture Ready with the Online Discernmentalist Mafia’s handy new RaptureHatch for the roofs of True Churches and the homes of True Regenerate Converts. Doomsday is soon approaching… Don’t get Left Behind with the unregenerate non-Elect heathens… Let John MacArthur confirm you in our Pure Truth War Doctrines and prove that you are indeed Rapture Ready and we’ll install a RaptureHatch on your roof today!

This site (an Online Discernmentalist Mafia partner site) reveals the most complete written, audio, and video Bible teachings which conclusively prove May 21, 2011 to be Judgment Day and The Rapture, and October 21, 2011 to be the end of the world. It is most urgent to examine yourself, whether you are of the Regenerate Elect and therefore are saved.

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The Heart Of The Discernmentalist Gospel

November 2, 2010

Most of you are going to hell because you were not specially chosen and frozen like We God’s Truth Biblical Elect (Calvinazis) are—so quake now in mortal fear and terror at the horrors that await ye, reprobates, especially if you are Roman Catholic, Arminian, a Pentecostal tongue-babbler, Emergent, queer or even worse all of the above:

P.S. Hell is a “real place” so We’d hate to be all of you reprobates (non-Calvinazis) on the day that you die so remember We tried to lovingly warn you by the Absolute Truth of our Pure Doctrines which have saved Us from an eternity in flames.

P. P. S. This is also warning to Pastorboy aka (Name withheld upon request) to get back in line with our Pure Doctrines.


Ken Silva’s Upcoming Soon To Be Released New Album

September 30, 2010

“Flesh off the CD plesses Ken “Intelnet Pastol-Teachel” Sirva will soon lerease his ratest cliticarry acraimed hit musicararbum, My Rife As Soopa Discelnmentarist” (Source: Discernmentalize Japan News Agency). “A tru mastapiece!”—Tokyo Times raves! “Bigger than a Toyota and heartier than a pail full of sushi, Ken Silva’s newest album is truly larger than life,” says Osaka Records Corp. 

OD Mafia inside source to all things Ken Silva, our very own Dr. I. Todyaso proclaims:  “Ken has done it again by melding  his dreams of being a rock star with his dreams of being top Discernmentalist with his newest album based on his adventures in Japan. This is sure to be a major hit till Armageddon comes in 2012—when the angry sovereign American flag waving warrior Jesus comes back in His full wrath to slay all those who didn’t participate in John MacArthur’s Truth Wars by pledging allegiance to John MacArthur and Todd Friel’s Angry American God of sovereign wrath and nuclear bombs.” Dr. Truthslayer, Arthur McJohn and I agree.

Here is a music video of the first single from the album—the song is entitled “Ken Silva’s Battle Hymn Of The Truth War” known in Japan by it’s alternative title, “The Jet Jaguar Fight Song”:

Using the rough translation from this early cut of the single we’ve rendered the full translation as such:

“Ken Silva’s Battle Hymn Of The Truth War”

By Ken Silva

HE DISCELMENTARIST MADE OF STEEL…

NO EATS SUSHI FROM A PAIL TOO MUCH RIKE YOGA
KEN SIRVAS ? KEN SIRVAS !
NOTHING NEVER REALLY LOVE HIM WELL
HE DISCELMENTARISM COVERS UP A BASIC INSECURITY
HE DICKEY COVERS UP AN ADDAMS APPLE THE SIZE OF A TOYOTA
HE BASICALLY GOOD-HEARTED BUT WISH HE N JOHN MACALTHUR COULD KNOCK BLIAN MACRAREN OFF THE TOP

KNOCK ! KNOCK ! KNOCK !
WHO’S THERE ?
HIS HEAD LOOKS LIKE JACK NICHOLSON
DON’T SMILE LIKE THAT, IT WILL STAY THAT WAY
YAHMMMAAHOAAHOAAAUGH !…
DO TOUCH MY BAGS IF YOU PLEASE. MR. CUSTOMS MAN


Ken Silva Is UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist!

July 22, 2010

 

Ken Silva and his Internet Para-Church of the True Remnant star in UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist the newest comedic Sci-Fi Discernmentalist smash hit and Blockbuster of the Summer! Fresh and straight from the creators of Full Mental Jack-@ss. Ken Silva as UltraKen leads his Internet Para-Church of the True Remnant: the Ultra-Discernmentalist Mafia as they sing, they dance and chant in a non-Contemplative way and most importantly they fight off the Babylonian hordes from Emergent Village. Watch as UltraKen and his army of loyal Truth Warriors the Ultra-Discernmentalists take on the evil reptilianoid Tony Jones, the equally evil dragonoid Doug Pagitt and the rest of the Kaiju (怪獣, kaijū)* from the Babylonian hordes of Emergent Village.

UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist features a special guest appearance by Chris Rosebrough of Pirate Radio playing the role of Spider-Pirateman. UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist coming soon this Summer to a theater near you. Itodyaso raves: “UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist contains over 40 times more Ken Silva than either Apprising Ministries or Christian Research Network!” Truthslayer exclaims: “Stupendous!” “A True Biblically Based comedic thrill-ride,” says Arthur McJohn; “my favorite part is when one of the UltraKens threw one of the Anabaptimergent Kaiju (怪獣, kaijū) into a fiery pit and said ‘this should prepare you for your eternal fate.’ I laughed so hard like Jesus ‘I Wept.'”

And now what you’ve all been waiting for the movie trailer—a montage of film clips from UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist of the army of UltraKens singing, dancing, training for battle in the Truth War and chanting in a non-Contemplative way plus some scenes of them fighting off the Babylonian hordes from Emergent Village:

*- Editors’ Note— In normal Japanese : 

Kaiju (怪獣, kaijū?) is a Japanese word that means “strange beast,” but often translated in English as “monster”. Specifically, it is used to refer to a genre of tokusatsu entertainment. Related terms include kaiju eiga (怪獣映画, kaijū eiga?, monster movie), a film featuring kaiju, kaijin (怪人?, referring to roughly humanoid monsters) and daikaiju (大怪獣, daikaijū?, giant monster), specifically meaning the larger variety of monsters. The most famous kaiju is Godzilla. Other well-known kaiju include Mothra, Anguirus, Rodan, Gamera and King Ghidorah. The term ultra-kaiju is short-hand for monsters in the Ultra Series.

In Yapaknees (a language derived from combining Japanese with Discernmentalese):

Kaiju (怪獣, kaijū) is a Yapaknees word that means “strange Emerging Emergent beast,” but often translated in English as “Emergent monster from the Babylonian hordes” or more simply “Emerging Emergent heretic.” Most Kaiju (怪獣, kaijū) are thought to come from Emergent Village. Two of the most famous kaiju are Tony Jones whose true form is a reptilianoid-type creature  and Doug Pagitt whose true form is a dragonoid-type creature—both featured in the new Discernmentalist Blockbuster Summer movie  UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist. (Source: New World Order Book Encyclopedia-the Discernmentalist Encyclopedia).


ODM Science Lesson # 4

July 19, 2010

 Number 4 in our lessons on ODM Science:


How To Spot A Grace-Hating Anabaptist Heretic In Your Church

July 10, 2010

Typical Anabaptists/Baptists minus the pitchforks, horns and tails. Photo of an actual Baptist Cult Coven Church service taking place just before they immerse new converts in foul smelling waters after walking down the aisle to the Altar to “make a decision to ask Christ Satan into their hearts;” then drink the blood of the dead as well  as steal other peoples’ money to give to the poor. Evilness—sheer evilness! Photo courtesy of Satan.

Finally we’ve nailed that idiot and a farce of a wannabe heretic and fake Christian, Ben Currin aka TheoPoet in the midst of supporting heresy:

Clearly these individuals are deluded not only that they are “unregenerate unsaved reprobates” not to be fellowshipped with as they aren’t even “Real Christians” like us as our Pure Doctrines attest:

“The Anabaptists (Baptists) are only mentioned by name twice, but…they had revived all the ancient heresies about the Holy Trinity and the Person of Christ…. Many of them were Pelagians…. Others claimed that, being regenerate, they were unable to commit sin…. Some depreciated all Scripture and placed themselves above even the Moral Law…. Some denied any need of ordination for Ministers, and claimed that the efficacy of all ministrations depended on the personal holiness of the Minister…. Infant baptism was denied…. All church discipline was repudiated…. Many held strange views about the descent into hell, the nature of the resurrection — and the future life, the ultimate salvation of all men, and millenarianism….. The authority of the State was impugned, and communism demanded.”

We know this is exactly what that idiot False Convert TheoPoet teaches and that he is secretly a “sectarian landmarkist” who hates our Pure Doctrines just look at the description of his apostate Blog:

“TheoPoetic Musings: RANDOM THEOLOGICAL THOUGHTS FROM AN ECUMENICAL POSTMODERN RADICAL REFORMED ARMINIAN NEO-ORTHODOX BARTHIAN MODERATE PROGRESSIVE TO LIBERAL BAPTIST PERSPECTIVE (OH AND SOME POETRY AND LYRICS,TOO) “—if that doesn’t smack of Pure Evil and divisive sectarianism then you must be “spiritually blind” and of the devil as well. Anyone who calls themself a Baptist, an Anabaptist or both or even says anything slighty positive about these “obstinate pig-dogs” should have their very salvation called into question. We Know that Spurgeon (a TrulyReformed Baptist Landmarkist Calvinist Christian) never had anything positive to say about Baptists nor Anabaptists as he believed and taught nothing but our Pure Doctrines. Anyone who is an Anabapist/Baptist is by default wrong as only We have the right to claim True Theology and True Church History:

P. S. Remember anyone who doesn’t bow down before our Pure Doctrines are the divisive ones not us. 

P. P. S. This article is 1000% Ken Silva-approved.


“The REAL Purpose of the Church.”

June 30, 2010

 

Eric Barger reveals “The REAL Purpose of the Church” by giving a sneak preview of what’s in store for all True ODM Churches in these Last Days. What’s in store for all Pure ODM Churches taking a stand for Absolute Truth you may ask? Why! Nothing but the blessed rapture! (Thanks to one of our Reasearch Robot Monkeys for catching this).

However we are not quite satisfied with that answer as we are not quite in the Last Days of this Great Tribulation of Emergent apostasy—because of this we must continue to stand for Truth so that we will be ready—Rapture Ready when the blessed rapture occurs before Jesus returns and comes to slay all the non-Elect unregenerate reprobates.

Are you ready? Here is our list of what one must do to be ready in order to prepare for the blessed rapture

  • Unconditionally support every act of Israel even their acts of terrorism
  • Unconditionally support USA-brand Imperialism
  • Vote Obama and every Democrat out of office
  • Smoke a Spurgeon-approved cigar
  • Buy 667 copies of John MacArthur’s book The Truth War: Fighting for Certainty in an Age of Deception and leave one copy everywhere you go just in case one of the regenerate predestined Elect accidently stumbles upon a copy and awakens to their status of being among the regenerate predestined Elect
  • Outlaw all abortion and homosexuality
  • Use only a King James AV1611 Bible or ESV
  • Burn any copy of Rick Warren’s Purpose Driven Life, Brian McLaren’s books or any other Emergent type book that you come across preferably while performing a Bible-Based animal sacrifice or while  burning Emergent heretics themselves 
  • Read only the Online Discernmentalist Mafia, The Official Blog Of God’s Only Inerrant Party, Ken Silva and other ODMs to get your facts]
  • Continue to be ever-vigilant and ever-valiant in your stand for our Absolute Biblical Truth

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