May 28, 2011
The ever watchful eye of Ken Silva spotted major heresy in the John (Grace To You = condemnation to you) MacArthur. We here at the ODMafia were shocked at the outright uncertainty our beloved Johnny Mac wrote! How can one not understand Scripture? How can one put down great Spiritual centers of learning that help up understand the Bible! Ken Silva keenly knows that to actually make a statement against Johnny Mac he might actually lose more friends (does he have any?), so hides behind his post by not taking a stand on the heresy of uncertainty that Johnny Mac is teaching! Maybe Harold Camping was right after all. If Johnny is wrong, then this is the end of the world.
May 31, 2010
Discernmentalists need quotes. That is a given. We also love to selectively quote….because good selection means selling good products. Our product happens to be our disdain, dismay, and disparaging remarks against other people we don’t like. The object of this game is to change the meaning of anything and everything to mislead your readers and to persuade them to realize that the person you are bashing is worthy of bashing. Like us, you will get LIFE out of attacking and belittling others and crown this as discernment ministry It makes us feel more spiritual, and that others MUST measure up against us.
We like to misquote often to show how wrong others are….and therefore how RIGHT we are. Take for instance this quote, and read it CAREFULLY, because it is chocked full of Rick Warren evilness….
“Rick Warren agreed to pray at the Presidential Inauguration. That immediately made him a left-wing liberal heretic. Well, it made him a WORSE left-wing liberal heretic than he had been before). Obviously everyone in his church was headed for hell because Warren chose to pray for the godless liberal President Obama. Rick Warren is not only a left-wing liberal heretic secret Muslim sympathizer, he’s also a supporter of gay marriage, and maybe even a closet homosexual! “
As you can see, we have included all the important buzzwords from a secondary source (never a primary source), carefully selecting a few sentences before tying them together as one cohesive thought. The important thing here is to make the author of said quote to mean something different than its original meaning. DO NOT try to understand the intent of the quote, simply alter, and rearrange the meaning….remember this is NOT dishonest if you believe that his/her theology is ad odds with your pure bible believing teachings. Of course this is a small lesson learned, and if you continue with our short concise ODMafia School of Discernmentalism you too will be a master discernmentalist.
Don’t be afraid there are MANY people to disparage.
Please refer to “Lesson Plan #5: Labeling others as Liberals” before continuing to Lesson #6.
May 18, 2010
“Calvinists of the Caribean” is every discernmentals favourite pirate movie. We spelled Caribbean without the extra “B” so that we cannot be accused or associated with the pagan polythiest islanders “Caribs” of Lesser Antilles islands. Calvinists of the Caribean is truly an action adventure movie of the highest Calvinist caliber.
We find the adventurist Calvinists (ie sinless elect) establishing new way of living in this hot climate – bathing suit attire that must be comfortably fitted from neck to toe, forbid cards, secret workings of election and coming to bed by a biblical 9 PM. Just when our Calvinists of the Caribean had thought they had it all figured out….the dark pirate Black Rob Bell entires the stage…attempting explain the absolute truth using fancy words, and descriptive descriptions…..which upstages our downwind truth warriors with upwind ideas. Soon he is under suspicion of being an Arminian (or at least looking like one) with a cropped hairdo and trendy hipster glasses. Quickly the Calvinists of the Caribean swear (in a godly way,… not by earth or heaven) to take out (not on a date) this evil curse of the Black Rob Bell.
In theatres everywhere….
PS There is no real swearing in the movie. The Calvinists of the Caribean noted that their yeses were yeses and their no’s where no’s.
April 19, 2010
We Know no woman is complete without a man. This is an Absolute Inerrant Biblical Truth. Why? We don’t even have to tell you, because God said it in the Holy Inerrant and Infallible Bible so that settles it. That is the final answer—end of debate—end of discussion. We have the Absolute Truth of all things all figured out like that—all wrapped up in a nice little black leather package with a red ribbon attached—but just in case you wish to try and debate us (though you will fail because God is truly on our side), we have these fine new Quality Discernmentalist media products for you and the women in your life:
Women need a man because the word man is in the word woman. Guys, having trouble convincing women that they need you because it is God’s Plan for you to control them? Women, do you think you can scrape by trusting on your own merits and therefore living in the sin that you can be saved by your own works (I Timothy 2:15)? Having trouble finding a truly Biblical and Discernmentalist husband? Never fear we have created this video guide for the proper education of women’s Bible-based role of being a man’s property. Introducing The Discernmentalist Guide For Females On Finding A Biblically Correct And Discernmentalist Husband from the creators of Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Discernmentalist?:
Men already have a wife—well now you need to show her her proper Bible-Based role as your slave. Women already landed a husband—well now you need to know him as your master and overlord (Ephesians 5:22-24 and I Timothy 2:9-15). Take the next step with our Discernmentalist Guide For Females On Their Proper Biblical Role As Their Husband’s Slave And Property:
But wait there is more—for futher steps go to Discernmentalist Tube.
March 21, 2010
We are proud to help solidify the BONDS of marriage with our new marriage seminars. For a mere $300 we offer a free chain to keep your wife in line. Churchmen everywhere will always know where your woman is so no more staying wives. It comes with detachable cuff links on the men’s side as we all know men are the head of women. This allows men to have the flexibility to leave for work and leave your wife chained securely to the kitchen where she belongs. We here at the ODMafia support the suppression of women as our DOCTRINE dictates!