Elvis Furtick Worship!

October 20, 2011

It grieves me that Todd Friel (Wretched) has caught yet another symptom of those heretical Postmodern Emergents: Pastor Worship. [Praise John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.)!] I mean just look at these idiots [Glory be to Spurgeon (the Prince of Preachers)!] here:

Thankfully you will never catch us worshiping men [Thanks be to John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.)!] instead of Christ. I mean just look at any of our Discernmentalist websites with all of their glorious missiveness [May Spurgeon (the Prince of Preachers) be pleased!]. Remember these words from Phil Johnson (Hugh Jass) on Spurgeon (the Prince of Preachers): “Today Spurgeon is widely beloved — not only Baptists, but even a man like Thielike! — and yet during his day that was not true. Almost everyone today wants to claim Spurgeon — they think of him as a big theological teddybar and theological neutral and devotional in his preaching.

And also these words from Todd Friel (Wretched) on John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.): “Yes, there are godly, Christ-centered pastors who have very large churches, but they are definitely exceptions to the rule. A few that come to mind are Dr. John MacArthur, RC Sproul, and John Piper. Unfortunately, the average “evangelical” no longer wants solid teaching, so the men who are standing firmly on Scripture are leading small flocks.” Thankfully you have ministries like ours and Todd Friel’s to “expose the truth behind this contemporary, emergent, tolerance, new age, relevance movement going on today.” And to show you “the similarities in the worship of men rather then Christ. How some Church Pastors are being worshiped, just like pop icons are worshiped.”


Chad Holtz And Mike Morrell’s Emergent Village Possibly Found

April 19, 2011

Our Research Robot Monkeys recently infiltrated an Emergent Cohort compound and discovered horrible abominations such as couches and candles. In this candle-lit ashram there were a bunch of scantily-clad men and women participating in the usual routine Emergent rituals of nude centering prayer (with much icons, incense, chanting, and apophatic silence). There was a lot of stretching going on and not in a good way. Our Research Robot Monkeys were horrified at all they saw and we are too. All we can say is Beware… Beware the Emergent Hordes and their Seeker-Sensitive Purpose-Driven lives!

Video of a typical Emergent Village pow-wow:


Black-n-White-o-poly!!!

December 7, 2010

Introducing the all new  

the fun new Bible-based game for Discernmentalist families to practice their pretzel-logic skills.

A sample logic puzzle from our game:

According to the Bible, God not only knows the future, (God is omniscient) but He has unchangeably ordained everything from the beginning, and He infallibly brings to pass all things according to His perfect plan. Also according to the Bible, Jesus is God but Jesus does not know the future nor the hour of the end of the world. Giving these facts Jesus is either:

a) a liar; not who the Bible says He is;

b)  God does not know (all of) the future, He takes risks, learns lessons, makes mistakes and changes His mind (Open Theism);

c) of course, Jesus is God—THE BIBLE is Inerrantly clear!;

or d) a black & white answer that doesn’t satisfactorily answer this question.

The answer of course is d. Thank you for playing Black-n-White-o-poly!!!


The Heart Of The Discernmentalist Gospel

November 2, 2010

Most of you are going to hell because you were not specially chosen and frozen like We God’s Truth Biblical Elect (Calvinazis) are—so quake now in mortal fear and terror at the horrors that await ye, reprobates, especially if you are Roman Catholic, Arminian, a Pentecostal tongue-babbler, Emergent, queer or even worse all of the above:

P.S. Hell is a “real place” so We’d hate to be all of you reprobates (non-Calvinazis) on the day that you die so remember We tried to lovingly warn you by the Absolute Truth of our Pure Doctrines which have saved Us from an eternity in flames.

P. P. S. This is also warning to Pastorboy aka (Name withheld upon request) to get back in line with our Pure Doctrines.


Research Robot Monkey World Tour

August 21, 2010

ApeRising Hate News: July 21, 2010;

]Japanese Discernmentalist Headquaters, Tokyo Division-  Our Research Robot Monkeys have just embarked on a recent round the world Summer tour in order to educate the masses on the Biblical art of Discernmentalism. They plan to stay in Asia for the first of Summer and move on to Europe closer to early Fall.

Topics to be covered are:

  • Why voting straight ticket Republican makes all the difference
  • Discerning by slander
  • Why Calvinist sectarianism is Absolute Biblical Truth
  • Why Puritan mysticism is a’ok
  • How to discern an evil place
  • The art of waging a Truth War
  • And other such “Apprising”  topics…

Internet Pastor-Teacher of the True Remnant, Ken Silva awaits you with his Research Robot Monkeys of doom! Doooooooom! Doom and gloom bringing for free! Join him and his Research Robot Monkeys—coming soon to a city near you.


McCarthy Ministries Puts Bible Monkey On Watchlist

July 29, 2010

McCarthy Ministries has done it again. They’ve caught Bible Monkey  in the midst of “Pinkness” which is practically Red for all of our paranoid purposes. McCarthy Ministries has also drawn up a list of character traits to be suspect of:


Trish Of Way Of The Master Emerges Into The Emerging Apostasy Of Emergent Heresy

June 16, 2010

 

Lately our Research Robot Monkeys have been hard at work discernmentalizing all who stand in our way and in the way of God’s Truth. Our ever-vigilant, ever-valiant Research Robot Monkeys who are always watching out for heresy with their ever-keen mechanical eyes have been exposing a lot of turncoats in our midst on a daily basis. Why just recently they caught Chris Rosebrough aiding and abetting a secret agent of the New World Order and even more recently they’ve caught Trish of Way Of The Master fame supporting the heretical Sinner’s Prayer formula but wait it gets much worse than that Trish also has been caught telling readers of her site to “meditate” on a Bible verse not only that but she added to the Word of God. Our Research Robot Monkeys have caught it all here and have exposed it for all the world to see:

This is just as bad as when our Research Robot Monkeys caught Chris Rosebrough quoting from the Brian McLaren endorsed Roman Catholic apostate G. K. Chesterton. Why is asking someone to meditate on a Bible verse so evil you may ask—why it may lead someone to slip into taking on the Emergent practice of meditation aka “Lectio Divina” or worse than that they may even take on the New Age practice of chanting. Lectio Divina of course is defined as:

Lectio Divina is Latin for divine reading, spiritual reading, or “holy reading,” and represents a traditional Christian practice of prayer and scriptural reading intended to promote communion with God and to increase in the knowledge of God’s Word. It is a way of praying with Scripture that calls one to study, ponder, listen and, finally, pray and even sing and rejoice from God’s Word, within the soul.

Now you can see why such a practice is so evil and blasphemous as our affectionate Uncle the great Pastor-Teacher-Scholar Ken Silva’s clear teachings profess. This is why no True Bible-Believing Christian ever meditates on the Bible. All the True Bible Believing Christian has to do is read a Bible verse once in a non-contextualized way and then they are able to grasp the Absolute Truth of it with such Absolute Clarity and Absolute Certainty that there is little room for misunderstanding. However if there is a small inkling of misunderstanding, all the True Bible Believing Christian has to do is consult the handy reference of John MacArthur’s Bible Commentaries©®™ for instant comprehension of the True meaning of the verse in question. 

Now you can also see why we are also disappointed with Trish for slipping into Emerging heresy. However this is not a total shock as Dr. Seymore Spurgeon caught Ray Comforts (Awesome) of Way Of The Master in the actual act of practicing the New Age ritual of Lectio Divina as for Trish’s adding to the Word of God all we have to say is hath not God said in His  Inerrant and Infallible Word the Bible: “5 Every word of God proves true; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him. 6 Do not add to his words, lest he rebuke you and you be found a liar.” [Proverbs 30:5-6 (ESV)]


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