Apprising Ministries May Have Accused CRN.INFO of Worldliness

May 12, 2020

amw

Celebrating AM’s Legacy of Aspiring to Misinform- Apprising Ministries (AM) using the latest in Bible Discernment technology have have found that CRN.INFO is using worldly tools. AM was rumoured to have said the following after an  interview with some dude who mumbled the following as quoted by AM “If you notice on the left hand side of their blog….they have a link to a glossary of logic.” AM in more insightful apprisingness notes “Logic is entirely pagan and worldly, in fact the word logic is not found in the bible and CRN.INFO is in danger of apostasy….we should not be thinking logically, but rather Biblically.” Slice of Laodicea, always mindful that morals and IQs are ever circling the drain (a real quote – seriously) will likely further probe this damning evidence, and accuse us ODMafia of using a cuss word (ie Damning).


Rob Bell Apprised via Apprising Ministries via Christian Research Network

April 19, 2020

maxresdefault

From the Ken Silvan Archives:

Through in depth research Christian Research Network “was asked if I had some information which would help him in exposing the grave theological errors in Bell’s nearly pelagian quasi-universalism since they are now recommending Bell as well.”

We at the Online Discernmentalist Mafia are not sure exactly what “nearly pelagian quasi-universalism” is but it sure sounds icky, dangerous and bad-boy!

‘Nearly  pelagian’….very close but not quite! So we do not want to support anything that quite fuzzy…. That is why we stand against faux fur in case it is not Bible based.

Truthslayer- rightfully appraised


From the archives of the Ken Silvan Center: APPRISING MINISTRIES COMES UP WITH DIRT!

April 16, 2020

 

The Online Discernmentalist Mafia saw it coming from a mile away. We discern what others merely dream of. Despite our advanced technologies used in discernmentalism Apprising Ministries has come up with a very far reaching technological advancement to discernmentalism. Apprising Ministries without much fanfare, shunning worldly media such as Christianity Today, announced the invention of DIRT. It is an acronym for Direct Interpretation Revelation and Translation. Apprising Ministries was quoted as saying “We have the most direct revelation yet…..our revelatory insights into revelation are so far reaching that by using DIRT we can look into the bible and SEE the backs of our heads at the same time.”

Other discernmentalist ministries such as Eric Barger’s Take a Stand and Slice of Laodicea were quoted as saying “Now apostate emergent types have no place to hide, in addition fact Rick Warren will be shown to be the disingenuous heretical maniacal and diabolical false church teacher that he is and exposed for all the world to see.”  Take A Stand Ministries suggested “We can use DIRT to show that George Bush did indeed have weapons of mass deception, I mean destruction and revise history as we see fit!”

 We at the Online Discernmentalist Mafia fully support DIRT and historical revisionism as well if it will suit our needs. Stop thinking and let us do it for you!

 

Truthslayer—archive director


Under Attack by one of our Own note…

November 26, 2019

why-do-you-have-to-make-a-mountain-out-of-20952392

Name Withheld has openly assaulted Discernmentalists as he has stated: “Instead of fretting over a non-issue how about being concerned with the wrath of God.” Name Withheld should know better than that as a fellow Discernmentalist—he should already know that in order to show God’s wrath and expose our Doctrine to all we must fret over every little thing. Clearly Satan is hiding around the corner and in every minuscule little thing that we personally disapprove of. We must make an issue out of every “non-issue” and make non-essentials essential as that’s the very heart of the Gospel of Discernmentalism.

And making mountains out of molehills is our specialty as Deborah of Discerning The World (DTW) has passed this spiritual gift of worldly attack and circular arguments on to us which we have far since surpassed her in our “special” gifted-ness and self-righteous anointing.

Many well-known and greatly esteemed preachers and teachers have absolutely no qualms whatsoever about their association with some of the weirdest, worst and most dangerous false prophets in these last days’ of exponential apostasy. Here are a few well-documented examples.

STEPHAN JOUBERT: In cahoots with Leonard Sweet, Rob Bell, Ron Martoia, Johan Geyser, Trevor Hudson, Nelus Niemandt, Eugene Peterson and Jan van der Watt, to name but a few.

JOHAN GEYSER: In cahoots with Stephan Joubert, Thomas Keating, Leonard Sweet, Rob Bell, Ron Martoia, Trevor Hudson, Thomas Merton and other false teachers in the mystically engineered Emergent Church, to name but a few.

TREVOR HUDSON: In cahoots with Stephan Joubert, Johan Geyser, Theo Geyser (who manages to see Jesus in a sangoma/witch doctor without the help of his glasses), Thomas Keating (who in turn is in cahoots with the integral guru, Ken Wilber), Ron Matroia and Rob Bell, to name but a few.

Obviously Name Withheld is lacking a steady diet of good Truth Warrior Worrier Discernment ministries like ours and Discerning The World (DTW)‘s. One word of warning to Name Withheld: “hell is real; hell is hot”—so either get in line; take a stand and get right with us first or else.

Once again setting our high standard over everyone so get over it,

Don Jobson

Update: Name Withheld continues his attack—defends Spurgeon against Deborah and our CLEAR Teachings.


John MacArthur (PBUH) repents—comes out in support of Women Pastors!!!

October 24, 2019

KAIEU2GDE4I6PBF4LYUFY72FCI

Paula White; woman pastor; one of Trump’s Evangelical advisors

“I’m voting for an ideology that is closer to Scripture,” MacArthur (PBUH) said. “Because [the Republican platform] is political responsibility, work, it has a place for the Bible, it has a place for God, it understands the necessity of a family, it understands the role of government is primarily to carry a sword to threaten evildoers and protect those who do well.”

What does this ideology that is closer to Scripture include? Women Pastors of course: “Take it from the woman dubbed President Trump’s “personal pastor.” The Donald Trump that Florida evangelical minister Paula White sees is a good listener, a man who takes his faith seriously while not always being fluent in “Christianese” and, unlike so many of his predecessors, a politician who has kept his promises to faith voters and evangelical Christian groups after he won the presidency with the help of their votes.” (Source)

“Paula White-Cain is also a female pastor, and by promoting her book, (Robert) Jeffress and Jack Graham (two-term president of the SBC) are backing a woman who, according to their denomination, is not submitting to “those roles assigned to her by God” (at a time when others in their tradition are prominently clashing over this very issue). In addition, White-Cain is divorced, and in SBC circles, “divorce culture” represents one of the most significant threats facing American society.” (Source)

We are shocked—shocked—how could our Beloved Pope (PBUH) have erred so gravely? What’s next will the Prosperity Gospel be deemed okay? Can we deny the Trinity and still be considered an orthodox Christian? Stay tuned to the ODMafia and let us do all the Discernmentalism for you!

 


Dan Kimball’s Hair Leaves Emerging Church!

January 21, 2009

 

dan-kimballs-hair2

THE Editors note: We would like to introduce a new writer here at the Online Discernmentalist Mafia. His name is TruthSlayer and I am amazed at his discernmentalist skills.

Several apologetic discernment ministries have reported a major fracture in the Emerging Church movement. Thankfully, SoL, Take A Stand Ministries, Herescope and Apprising Ministries have all reported a huge rift that occurred last Tuesday morning within the Emerging church movement. Dan Kimball a major proponent of Emerging noted that his hair is succeeded from his head. He would not comment any further

Another unnamed ministry was able to interview Kimball’s hair. Reports so far note that his hair had moved onto a more bible-hair based ministry. Kimball’s hair was reported to have had enough of the “greased back” programs and would like to let his hair down. The unnamed ministry learned that Dan Kimball was in fact not bible based…as a matter of fact his hair was quoted as saying “Dan did not even have a house built out of bibles….instead it was built out of secular brick and mortar” Hair went on to say “I was so uncomfortable in a non-bible based home.” As a matter of fact other shocking elements to the story persist that Dan only had 6 bibles in his household, and he had a subscription to Christianity Today…and applying our Discernmentalist Tools we know that Today is shockingly close to the word GAY.


%d bloggers like this: