Chick-Fil-A loses It’s Soul!: Compromises American Bible Values?

November 18, 2019

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Discernmentalists are angry now that ChickFil-A promises to only be halfway anti-gay.  We here at the Mafia are mad too as we only like our chicken made by 100% anti-gay establishments. However we’re ok with 100% pro-murder; pro-adultery; pro-theft; pro-lying; etc chicken restaurants. American pagan Jesus weeps.

What this is—is a total erosion and a compromise on Discernmentalist America’s Biblical values from a company who has proudly stood behind Discernmentalist convictions for years. What a slap in our face! Everyone knows that chicken tastes better when its made with hate rather than love.

We miss the good ole days and our values being in the forefront… Back when we could threaten anyone who wasn’t 100% American enough like when pastors received death threats or threats of church arson not for following the way of Jesus with grace and love but for removing the American flag from front and center in our sanctuaries:

Such conciliatory gestures did not assuage hyper-patriots bent on rooting out disloyalty. War hysteria gave the nativists the opportunity to even the score. In some locales, anti-Dutch sentiment boiled over into mob action. Ministers found burning crosses on the parsonage lawn and farmers lost barns to the torch. In the vicinity of Pella, Iowa in 1918, several Christian schools were set afire in what became known as the “Hollander Fires.” Supporters managed to extinguish the flames at the Sully Christian School, leaving only minor damage, but the Peoria Christian School and adjacent Christian Reformed Church burned to the ground. In nearby New Sharon, the Reformed Church was set ablaze and the pastor, Edward Huibregtse, found dynamite under the parsonage that had failed to explode because of a defective fuse.2

Events in Peoria took an ugly turn in May 1918 when a young thug brutally beat James Hietbrink, the Christian school principal, as he walked home from the village general store. The flash points, apparently, were decisions not to unfurl the American flag over the school, buy war bonds, or sign food pledges. The school was bursting at the seams, due to the high birthrate among the Dutch, while four nearby public schools were “almost without pupils” and three “will shortly be closed.” Birthrates among the Ameri-cans were as low as among Dutch they were high. Follow-ing the attack, the school board immediately suspended classes, and county authorities or-dered the school to remain closed. Some weeks later, state education officials rescinded the order as illegal and allowed the school to reopen.

Dutch leaders saw the troubles rooted in “old and deep-rooted jealousy caused by the prosperity of the Holland-Americans.” Dutch farmers around New Sharon received threatening letters in the mail to “leave or be burned out.” American farmers, it was reported, hired thugs to set fires for $50 or $100 per “job.” The big barns of two farmers, G. Vos and an unidentified church elder, who had two sons serving in the army, were burned down one night.

Ah those were the days… back when America was truly Christian and Christians were truly great patriots Christians…. so Make America Great Again by letting Chick-Fil-A 100% gay hate again!

P. S. It was never about the short lines; deliciousness of it’s food; ethics; competitive prices; etc—it was always about hating whoever we hate as our Discernmentalist Gospels read: “We hate because Jesus first hate our many enemies first.”


Is this One of The Bibliophiles that Ray Comfort warned us about?

June 24, 2019

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Bibliophile in the midst of his sinister act

We’ve already apprised you on God’s Only Inerrant Party that while he was working with us on our de-sinned Arthur episode that Ray Comfort warned us that Bibliophiles are the latest threat in the atheist assault on Bible-Believers. “If you call any other Christian on this page a ‘bibliophile’ I will ban you. I thought it was just another atheist insult, a cross between pedophile and Bible.”—Ray Comfort. Its worse than that though as our Herescopes have discovered a more sinister definition of Bibliophiles that is not an atheist insult.

Recently our Research Robot Monkey spies using our Herescopes have observed a Bibliophile in the midst of the act that fits our newly discovered definition: “a book lover (most likely atheists ie. Disney) assaulting our children with strange books or their love of books. Librarians are also suspect in this.” [This is why we’ve forbidden our wives and children from going to the library or even looking at one (even our own Discernmentalist libraries)].

Mrs. Truthslayer and Mrs. Jobson wanted us to add that not only are these strange books but they are scary as well—after hearing us talk about some of these strange and heretical Emergent books we’ve been discernmentalizing. They have no other choice as they agree with us in our Doctrines. They contain such scary information that we can only flee in horror—fearing and quaking in terror from only briefly glancing at it. In fact our wives were heard screaming as they heard us talking about the spiritually terrorizing information contained within these apostate Emergent books—information such as:

  • “I see the world through the images of Christianity, which teaches me that I encounter God in everyone I meet regardless of what they believe.”—Alan Jones
  • “Since the church has been one of the main perpetrators of parental fear-mongering, it’s only fair we take up the cause of creating a culture of parenting that is less about what we don’t want for our children and more about what we do want.”—Doug Pagitt

We suspect this is part of the reason that Ray Comfort considers Bibliophile an atheist insult. We too consider it an insult after researchmentalizing this vulgar word even further which is why we had to add it to the Second Volume of our Discermentalist Dictionary. Setting the record straight we Online Discernmentalists thankfully are not—I repeat not Bibliophiles—let alone book-lovers but we do love our Bible! On a related note: we’re now offering a special sale on some of our favorite Discernmentalist books.

Books we especially love most of all:

  • Truth Wars: Fighting for our certainty in an age of deception (the book that stared it all)
  • Hell best kept secrets (taught us fear and guilt evangelism)

Please Ray, Repent!

March 19, 2008

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I love my hero’s!  Not in a worship them above God way, but in a respect kind of way.  So it was with utter shock that one of my hero’s slipped today.  I guess I should back up a minute.  Ray Comfort is part of  the team that is Way of the Master.  They have Mastered (pun intended) a formulaic way of guilting people to find Christ.  It works GREAT.  I have used it myself, although not with the desired results.  I got a chocolate milkshake in my face.  Maybe I didn’t guilt good enough.  Anyway, he is one of the gods (small g) of fundamentalism.  He can take a passage and make it fit his agenda and theology without missing a beat and make you feel like a non-Christian for missing it.  Genius!

But here is what he said today:

“What shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world and lose his own soul?”
“What shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world and lose his own soul?”
“What shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world and lose his own soul?”

Wait for about five seconds, close your eyes and say all three sentences again within your mind, making sure you emphasize the same italicised words (don’t cheat). If it doesn’t work, repeat the exercise, doing it slower with stronger emphasis on the italicized word.”

Ray, don’t you see what you are doing. 

 

You are taking on the Emergent practice of meditation, or worse, you are taking on the New Age practice of chanting!  Don’t you read Ken Silva (awesome) or Ingrid (awesome) about the perils of doing a satanic ritual.  How can you call yourself a Christian and use such practices?  Not only that, but you are asking others to do these practices as well.  You might as well be a conduit for satan himself!   

Please repent and get back on the straight and narrow.  Actually, you might not have been saved since you are now using these practices.  So repent and believe and be saved.  Forsake these practices because they are from the devil and you know what that means.  You use those verses all the time.  Please Ray, before it is too late.  Just one question to ask  you Ray, Are you a good person?


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