Russian radios found at Emerging Church house meeting

January 11, 2010

Our research robot monkeys using Eric Barger’s Take A Stand “Super Radio,” found Red Russian radios at an emergent church house meeting!!! After the apostate church meeting tucked their false bibles away, snuffed out their candles, hid their couches and ceased all chants….there was ONE THING they forgot to hide….their russian radios!!!!!

We all know that IF you own a russian radio you are a communist. We also know that communists are against capitalism which is anti-biblical. We also know that communists share and believe in the evils of socialized medicine and may have secret ties to Canada.

Thank-goodness our robot monkeys found the sinister radios…we will dispose of them in an exorcism!

Truthslayer

PS Our research robot monkeys wore ear plugs just in case they were withing ear-shot of an evil emergent church worship service.


Dan Kimball’s Hair Leaves Emerging Church!

January 21, 2009

 

dan-kimballs-hair2

THE Editors note: We would like to introduce a new writer here at the Online Discernmentalist Mafia. His name is TruthSlayer and I am amazed at his discernmentalist skills.

Several apologetic discernment ministries have reported a major fracture in the Emerging Church movement. Thankfully, SoL, Take A Stand Ministries, Herescope and Apprising Ministries have all reported a huge rift that occurred last Tuesday morning within the Emerging church movement. Dan Kimball a major proponent of Emerging noted that his hair is succeeded from his head. He would not comment any further

Another unnamed ministry was able to interview Kimball’s hair. Reports so far note that his hair had moved onto a more bible-hair based ministry. Kimball’s hair was reported to have had enough of the “greased back” programs and would like to let his hair down. The unnamed ministry learned that Dan Kimball was in fact not bible based…as a matter of fact his hair was quoted as saying “Dan did not even have a house built out of bibles….instead it was built out of secular brick and mortar” Hair went on to say “I was so uncomfortable in a non-bible based home.” As a matter of fact other shocking elements to the story persist that Dan only had 6 bibles in his household, and he had a subscription to Christianity Today…and applying our Discernmentalist Tools we know that Today is shockingly close to the word GAY.


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