Breaking: Emergents now attacking Truth Warriors with Psychic Powers!

July 24, 2019

epsych

Oh the horror! Recently one of our Research Robot Monkeys noted that Emergents are now hiring psychics in a last ditch effort to undermine the Absolute Truth and Certainty of the Truth Wars. We here at the ODMafia can’t say we didn’t see this coming from a mile away as we know Emerging emergers love their mystical webs of confusion. Emergents also love Mystery over Certainty as well as coffee; candles and couches—but they’ve yet to be observed in the presence of garlic. We also have reason to suspect that these Emerging vampires have merged with Mothra feminists in order to ramp up their newly found psychic abilities in order to assault unsuspecting Truth Warriors in the field of battle for our Truth. Other noted ODMs are now in the midst of battling for our Truth—researchmentalizing new techniques in Spiritual Warfare to curb these assaults.


We Should Never Be Questioned

July 22, 2019

0YEAyH6The Extreme Theology of our Truth War should never be questioned—-neither should our methods of:

1. Flat out lies and manipulative double speak
2. Blatant Scripture Twisting
3. New & Direct Extra Biblical Revelation and Visions from God
4. Flat out intolerance for anyone who questions or challenges these “new” Extra Biblical Revelations and Visions that are supposedly from God.

When Brannon Howse lies and calls one of his fellow Conservatives a dupe and/or a secret undercover agent playing a part in some sort of a secret Marxist hidden agenda to destroy the American church—never question it. If Tim Challies quotes from G. K. Chesterton whom heretic Brian McLaren approves—never question it. If Eric Barger twists Scripture out of context to prove one of his points—never question it. When Phil Johnson via his boss defends the “Extra Revelation” of Premillenial Dispensationalism and secret Rapture teaching—never question it. When said believers question anyone who challenges Premillenial Dispensational Rapture belief—never question that either.

Do as we say but not as we do. Get it—got it—good because we told you so!


A game for the true discernmentalist!

July 16, 2019

In a new game of discernmentalist fun, Nahtzee is fun for the whole family. In this game you will learn to roll the dice to promote war, fear and characterize immigrants as the cause of all sorts of problems. Rolling numbers like sixes and threes will allow you to advance aggressive foreign policy against poor third world nations and justify it as Christian, Biblical and Scriptural. Moreover, numbers like 2 and 5 will promote greater peace and security by denying the rights of other players in this game. Getting a number ten will allow you to berate and chastise red-letter Christians for being communist. Finally, getting the number four and nine will give you “national security” privileges preventing you from getting caught cheating, lying or any immoral act. Bad will be good, and good will be bad.

Using these carefully crafted techniques will allow a truely biblical discernmentalist to spin truth as he sees fit…and to use it as needed.

Truthslater


Stating “we are Bible believing” makes it true!

June 3, 2019

 

TAS_semcollagebb2

Mark our word. When a ministry says “we are bible believing,” you can believe that they are bible believing. No need to test the waters…especially if they vent against other ministries in the guise of bible ministry. As a matter of fact, if you complain a lot against other ministries it is likely that this ministry is MUCH MORE HOLY and RIGHTEOUS than other ministries who SHOULD fall in line and get with the program. Simply put, if you say “we are bible believing” it gives you license to attack other ministries with unfounded license.

That is why Take A Stand Ministries is just a simple bible believing ministry who has the entire bible untangled and figured out. If you want bible believing certainty, and all that non-sensical post-modern, new-age liberal mystery and wonder jettisoned from scripture….this is a ministry that you should embrace.

ODMafia approved—-Truthslayer endorsed


Eric…Heresy Free!

May 19, 2019

thank goodness

The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed this prayer:

‘I thank you, God, that I am not a HERETIC like everyone else. For my theological doctrines are pure (American & conservative), I pray 3 times a day (unlike my Muslim enemies who pray excessively at 5 prayers), I refuse to address social justice (because that sounds too my like socialism), I attack anyone who critiques capitalism (because consumerism, accumulation & exploitation) has nothing to do with the good news (and unAmerican). I also criticize anyone who speaks against militarism by calling them commies and liberals…because I am thankful to be alone in holding up the absolute biblical truth.

Finally ….I thank-you that I go from church to church to speak against other believers & calling them false teachers, heretics and apostates.”

Hunting down heretics and spotting heresies in our many enemies for your protection,

Truthslayer out (as in outing heretics)!


An Exciting Announcement!

May 13, 2019

TSM Bar

“The Bible has a wax nose; you can twist it whichever way you want!” —Martin Luther

Finally a Candy Bar with Discernmentalizing bite! Packed with Truth-bending powers and waxy bits. Literally melts in your mouth to aid in Scripture-twisting. Absolute guarantee for Bible beaters. Gives more energy to help you with your Stand. Remember Take A Stand Bible Bar available now at fine Bible-believing resellers everywhere…buy it now. Act now for the extra added value of Dark sunglasses and wax nose included free with purchase. And remember its Truthslayer Endorsed!


Extra! Extra! Smocking Gun: Pulpit & Pen/Planned Parenthood One and the Same!

May 5, 2019

pppp

Using Eric Barger’s newly released Smocking Gun Technology—our Research Robot Monkeys have discermentalized the following alt-facts about our former allies the formerly known Pulpit & Pen (now known as Party & Propaganda):

Smocking Gun # 1- Party & Propaganda (PP) as well as Planned Parenthood are abbreviated PP.

Smocking Gun # 2- Both PPs talk about abortion but only 3.4% of the time.

Smocking Gun # 3- Both PPs participate in the war on women:

Babies conceived by rape and incest are made in the image of God as much as any other child. God knits the product of rape in his mother’s womb as carefully as he does the product of the marriage bed. Why should the heartbeats of certain babies, who have done no wrong themselves, be allowed to be snuffed out? Do the hearts of these unwanted children not beat just as true as wanted ones? Is it simply easier to pass the law without arguing about it protecting babies conceived in rape and incest? (PP)

Privacy and dignity are often cited in defense of buffer zone laws, which attempt to prevent pro-lifers from praying for or sharing the truth with women outside of abortion clinics. These buzz words are also used in fights against parental notification laws, because apparently notifying parents that their underage daughter is having an abortion is a violation of privacy. (PP)

Smocking Gun # 4- Both are said to be funded by George Soros. (More on that later).

These are just a few of the alt-facts our Research Robot Monkeys have discovered and we think that you’ll agree to agree with us that the mounting evidence speaks for itself. Our Research Robot Monkeys have found even more evidence but since we left them overworking their circuits overnight—we need to recharge their batteries. Stay tuned further evidence to come….


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