Mobile Discernmentalists Unit

March 25, 2010

Recently the Department of Motorized Discernmentalism created a new Highway Discernmentalist Patrol Unit aka the Mobile Discernmentalism Unit or MobDU for short.

MobDU‘s primary tasks are:

  • Discernmentalizing Eco-friendly vehicles
  • Tagging and registering non-gas guzzling vehicles
  • Making sure all vehicles on the road pollute the environment in order to speed up Jesus’ hasty yet sure return, the End Times and the Rapture
  • Checking  to see if all cars have at least one unregenerate reprobated non-Elect heathen on board just in case the Rapture happens soon as those Left Behind will need to man the car
  • Scouting out Emergent Vehicles
  • Alerting Discernmentalists whenever  Brian McLaren’s Monster Truck and Dan Kimball’s Spider Vehicle of Doom are nearby

Among other Discernmentalizing tasks—also meet our new Armored MobDU Patrol Unit for extra protection against Doctrinal Impurities, the Emerging Apostasy, Emergentness and other such Heresies:


Breaking News: George W. Bush Undergoes Exorcism

March 1, 2010

“The Power Of Christ Compels You!;” Pope Benedict XVI exorcizes George W. Bush. Photo Courtesy of  the Vatican Archives.

(Take A Stand News Reports)–After much outcry and the aftermath of when Brannon Howse first outed Former False President George W. Bush using these terms:

“I was one of the first conservative talk show hosts to refer to George W. Bush as a socialist and a globalist. Both parties are destroying our country.”

Sources close to the Former Bush Administration say that these charges brought major concerns for the image of the Administration and Inside Sources say that in fact Bush was possessed and inhabited by Red-Letter Christian demons—which seduced him into implementing “socialist and globalist” policies in order to taint the Pure Doctrines Of The American unBiblical Gospel Of Reaganism. These Sources corroborate their conspiracy theoriesnon-factual findings and painstakingly misresearched incriminating evidence to point to the case that Bush was possessed and in need of an exorcism based upon Bush’s interactions with Emerging/Emergent Church “leaders.”

Doug Parris in True Sedewhitehousist fashion  is on record as saying that “this is what happens when people don’t admit that the White House has in fact been vacant since Final President Ronald Reagan left the Office back in 1989 and that the White House since then has been occupied by False Presidents or Anti-Presidents.” (We of God’s Only Inerrant Party  are hoping to remedy this by running a Presidential ticket of Brannon Howse/David Barton in the near future so that we can return America back to it’s unBiblical roots of Absolute Theocracy, God and the Bible,  militarism and imperialism, military security, nationalism, patriotism, unregulated greed Capitalist Materialism Capitalism and Reaganolatry Ronald Reagan.)

Eric Barger reports that “things seem to have gone from bad to worse” so much so that Bush indeed had an Exorcism earlier this weekend to return him to the Reagan fold. Discernmentalists were hoping to get a Protestant exorcist in hopes of having a Pure Exorcism but none could be reached so the Pope had to do despite the clear teachings of Ken Silva against such. Discernmentalists are still waiting to see if the Exorcism did any good.


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