– Gene Simmons of the Rock Band Kiss holds a copy of Rob Bell’s “Love Wins”
We have the scoop here before any other Discernmentalist blog on the Internet including the great and all powerful Ken Silva. Gene Simmons quote: “If you go back and check all the reviews for all the icons of today — Elvis, the Beatles and so on — they were dismissed as flashes in the pans, this is why I support Rob Bell.” Of course that unregenerate reprobate would support Rob Bell as he also is blind to the Hard Truths of the Bible. Gene is on record as calling himself Dr. Love which is proof he believes Love Wins—-also he thinks he is the god of thunder… Blasphemous!
Unfortunately, if you disagree with Bell, you’re “toxic and misguided.”
Criticizing him makes you a “Pharisee,” according to Eugene Peterson.
A commenter on the above-linked page asks the critics, “Why are you so anxious to make sure there are people in hell? The fact that you NEED Bell to be wrong and have people in hell communicates much more about yourself than either Bell or God.”
No Bible-believing Christian wants people in hell, because that isn’t what God wants.
“Do you think, asks the Sovereign Lord, that I like to see wicked people die? Of course not! I only want them to turn from their wicked ways and live.” -Ezekiel 18:23
The reason that we need to be clear about the eternal consequences of denying Christ, which are real and revealed by the Scriptures, is because that’s what is at stake.
Jesus did not die a criminal’s death and rise from the grave so that we could all feel good about ourselves, have a nice life, drive fast cars, and be rich.
Jesus did not become a man so that his sacrifice could save the world from his bipolar father.
Jesus did what he did to save our souls (from the “Real Place” that is Hell).
That is the real story. That is the real truth.
(Apprising And Freaking Out News)— On his recent vacation to a secluded beach, the vainhearted and valiant foolhardy great Pastor-Teacher-Scholar of all things Truth Warrior and Discernmentalist, Ken Silva was enjoying his relatively quiet and calm vacation away from discernmentalizing and Apprising everyone when he heard a voice suddenly saying: “Genuine Christianity is learning to live by an indwelling Christ. Genuine church life is born when groups of people are intoxicated with a glorious unveiling of their Lord.” (Source: Jesus Manifesto). Turning around Ken noticed that the voice had come from a hideous and horrible looking monstrous creature from the deep known as an Evanjellyfish that had recently washed up on the shore. In it’s invisible tentacles the Evanjellyfish had a copy of Leonard Sweet and Frank Viola’s lastest heretical and apostate book, Jesus Manifesto: Restoring the Supremacy and Sovereignty of Jesus Christ. Apparently the Evanjellyfish had been quoting some of his favorite quotes from the book. Ken not being one to let things go immediately began Apprising and discernmentalizing the Evanjellyfish.— (Source). *(Editors note: for a better view of what these heretical and apostate Evanjellyfish look and sound like click on the included photograph to enlarge it for the most optimal viewing experience possible).*
We support Tin-Foil Hat Theology in all of it’s glory. Forget the Purpose-Driven heretical drivel of Rick Warren—we support the Conspiracy-Driven Church. Remember Truth is under attack by our enemies—-some of whom have even crept up into our churches uninvited by secret cloaking Truth-bending tactics. These Spiritual Terrorists are otherwise known as the Emergent Church and/or Red-Letter Christians.
They have sneaked inside of our churches in order to bend the Truth to their evil overlord Brian McLaren’s ungodly and unbiblical libertarian free-will. Rather than serving the Pure and Absolute Sovereign God of Wrath, whose Absolute Glory is man’s chief end—they’d rather serve their sinful, prideful and selfish ways and therefore they bow down to Satan, the Master of all Untruth, which makes materialism, selfishness and human pride and sin man’s chief end.
Remember also that God’s Sovereign Truth is so precious and fragile that it needs protecting by mere mortals using any means necessary including slander, libel, lies and other worldly weapons (this is the Truth War afterall)—this is where conspiracy theories come in handy and why Tin-Foil Hat Theology is a Discernmentalist’s best friend. The nuttier the conspiracy theory the better to help defend and protect the Absolute Truth. Here are some of our personal favorite conspiracies that Brannon Howse has uncovered and taught us over the years :
– non-Zionists, Emergents, socialists, globalists, Muslims, communists, atheists, heathens, Red-Letter Christians, Marxists and secular Jews are all attempting to take over the world.
– International bankers are trying to take over the world.
– The Illuminati, or other clandestine groups, are attempting to take over the world.
– NASA and the government are covering over the truth about UFOs.
– NASA and the government are covering over the truth about cities on Mars and the moon.
– NASA and the government are covering over the truth that the Apollo missions were hoaxes.
– The government is covering over the assassination or assassination attempts on high-profile government officials like JFK or Ron Brown or the attempt on Final President Reagan.
– Muslims are responsible for all acts of terrorism around the world.
– Obama is a Secular-Humanist Muslim atheist and the Anti-Christ bent on destroying America through Communistic Socialism and helping our enemies take over the world.
– the government is covering over their involvement in orchestrating the events of September 11th, 2001, with remote control planes, cruise missiles, and controlled demolitions with Muslims’ and liberals’ help.(Source: New World Order Weekend).
The noted and award-winning Discernmentalist Tin-Foil Hat Theologian Ken Silva wants our students to know that: “Conspiracies are just too difficult to keep secret even when there are only one or two people keeping the secret.”… so help us to expose all to the secret conspiracies of our enemies who are all out there trying to destroy the Truth and the church…And as always, spread the fear and hate!
Recently it has been brought to our attention that Ken Silva may in fact cause death. Perhaps because as a fellow Truth Warrior he is so close to the Absolute Truth that he is able to absorb God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath like a lighting rod. After absorbing and storing up enough of God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath, he would then be able to reflect it like any good Static conductor of Absolute Truth will and then bounce it back off of him into those that attack our Truth.
For it is Written in the Truth Warrior Bible:
“What if God, willing to show His Absolute Sovereign Wrath, and to make His Absolute Power known has Chosen and Frozen a select few Truth Warriors to be retrofitted wth Superhuman Absolute Truth and Wrath absorbing powers so that they may endure with much long-suffering the vessels of wrath fitted to destruction only to and all for His (God’s) Absolute Glory?”
Another way Ken can cause death is by using one of our Truth Rods and smacking apostate reprobates so full of the Absolute Truth that they give up the ghost:
However we propose it is the former rather than the latter as it is also Written in the Truth Warrior Bible that:
“The Lord is so angry with apostate reprobate sinners1that He will kill anyone among them who attack the Absolute Truth or reach out their hands to touch His Holy annointed Arks: any of the select few specially chosen Truth Warriors that have been retrofitted wth Superhuman Absolute Truth and Wrath absorbing powers!”
Certainly Ken Silva with his closeness to the Absolute Truth is among those of the select few specially chosen Truth Warriors that have been retrofitted wth Superhuman Absolute Truth and Wrath absorbing powers that can cause anyone’s death.
We Know no woman is complete without a man. This is an Absolute Inerrant Biblical Truth. Why? We don’t even have to tell you, because God said it in the Holy Inerrant and Infallible Bible so that settles it. That is the final answer—end of debate—end of discussion. We have the Absolute Truth of all things all figured out like that—all wrapped up in a nice little black leather package with a red ribbon attached—but just in case you wish to try and debate us (though you will fail because God is truly on our side), we have these fine new Quality Discernmentalist media products for you and the women in your life:
Women need a man because the word man is in the word woman. Guys, having trouble convincing women that they need you because it is God’s Plan for you to control them? Women, do you think you can scrape by trusting on your own merits and therefore living in the sin that you can be saved by your own works (I Timothy 2:15)? Having trouble finding a truly Biblical and Discernmentalist husband? Never fear we have created this video guide for the proper education of women’s Bible-based role of being a man’s property. Introducing The Discernmentalist Guide For Females On Finding A Biblically Correct And Discernmentalist Husband from the creators of Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Discernmentalist?:
Men already have a wife—well now you need to show her her proper Bible-Based role as your slave. Women already landed a husband—well now you need to know him as your master and overlord (Ephesians 5:22-24 and I Timothy 2:9-15). Take the next step with our Discernmentalist Guide For Females On Their Proper Biblical Role As Their Husband’s Slave And Property:
Recently the Department of Motorized Discernmentalism created a new Highway Discernmentalist Patrol Unit aka the Mobile Discernmentalism Unit or MobDU for short.
MobDU‘s primary tasks are:
Discernmentalizing Eco-friendly vehicles
Tagging and registering non-gas guzzling vehicles
Making sure all vehicles on the road pollute the environment in order to speed up Jesus’ hasty yet sure return, the End Times and the Rapture
Checking to see if all cars have at least one unregenerate reprobated non-Elect heathen on board just in case the Rapture happens soon as those Left Behind will need to man the car
Among other Discernmentalizing tasks—also meet our new Armored MobDU Patrol Unit for extra protection against Doctrinal Impurities, the Emerging Apostasy, Emergentness and other such Heresies:
Before you get all bent out of shape, please realize this is a satire site spoofing the so-called "discernment ministries" who deem themselves more worthy of Grace than the rest of us. So read and have fun! BTW, we are not against "good" discernment ministries that do actual real research and extend grace to others, only the bad ones.
– Gene Simmons of the Rock Band Kiss holds a copy of Rob Bell’s “Love Wins”
Posted by donjobson 
