February 27, 2010
Online Discernment Lesson # 3: Pronounce everyone as unbiblical.
We discernment ministries always take the low ground…. pointing out to anyone who will listen (usually only the most righteous of readers) that everyone who does not agree with us is in fact….UNBIBLICAL.Say it out loud “U-N-B-I-B-L-I-C-A-L” doesn’t that give you a sense of power and authority? Say it again.
Under tutelage from Dr. Walter Martin’s cassette tapes has allowed us to discern the most difficult issues into simplistic cliches. When all else fails we toss in the “you are unbiblical” to settle the issue once and for all. If you don’t have OUR biblical worldview on ALL THINGS….you are not saved. Despite the fact that Jesus says “believe in me,” we discern that what he really meant was be a Capitalist-American-Conservative-Calvinist-Anti-Rob Bell-Pro-Reformed believer….and THEN you will be saved. Its not about Jesus, its about true doctrine.
In addition, please make sure that you NEVER share…that according to ODMs could be construed as Marxism.
PS We recommend taking Lesson # 2 first!
February 15, 2010
We all know that Rob Bell is a secret new ager teaming up with President Obama, the anti-christ and Lady GaGa to take over the world. We have further proof of the new world order taking shape with this EMERGENT SCHOOL BUS. We believe that this bus is an attempt to confuse the natural order of school buses. We KNOW who is the author of confusion is.
All I can say is that if something is ODD it must be Emergent. If its EMERGENT it is bad….because ODD is never good. School buses should NEVER confuse kids….therefore it is all of the devil. We hope you can follow our discernmentalist logic…if you can’t you are likely apostate or liberal….or both.
We are not sure if this is really Rob Bells bus… but we know Rob is evil, and evil people cause chaos and usually drive strange buses (hippies drove really weird buses). If hippies drive buses, then we must suppose that we have enough evidence to accuse Rob Bell of possessing this bus….and possession is of the devil. This is why we do discernment…because we are capable of connect dots that you folks cannot!!!
Thanks to discernmentalist logic, NOTHING gets by us.
The ODMafia….Doing the discernment for you, so you don’t have to.
January 13, 2010
According to Discerning the World….its all about 100%. Its all about you, your effort to follow Jesus at 100% and your effort to uphold the bible 100%
Forgot God’s grace! Its not about God’s faithfulness….its about your effort!
DTW writes ” You either follow Jesus Christ the Son of God 100% and that INCLUDES the Word of God 100% (the two can’t be separated from one another) or you don’t which means you follow after other gods and are therefore NOT Christian.”
We at the ODMafia are quite amazed with Discerning the World (DTW). We have always admired and aspired to be super Christians…uber-saints. We admire that DTW has apparently met these qualifications and is light-years ahead of other Christians. Amazing! Dazzling! Astounding. But that is why discernmentalists are at a calibre that is much higher than anyone else.
First that they admit following Jesus 100%….or at least expect everyone but themselves to follow suit. But that goes without saying, for we Discernmentalists loving piling great weight on the backs of others. It must be a good feeling.
Some day I’m going to make a Pilgramage to DTW. Not an unbiblical Roman Catholic Pilgramage but a Biblical one, so that my eyes may rest on true purity and holiness.
100% Pure! Remember to congratulate Discerning The World on this amazing achievement….