May 11, 2010
We must set the record straight—- the Bible is the Literal Word of God. What this Literally means is that the human words which make up the Bible contain the Literal mind of God. We Know as we were there when God Literally dictated them to humanity. Our field agent Brainiac further explains:
The Bible is a book of words and those words are to be interpreted according to their literal sense, which means in the same sense that the author understood them. This is a principle called the Sensus Literalis, and it is an important rule of hermeneutics. If we do not interpret the words in the same sense as the author, then we obscure the author’s meaning and impose our own. If we read our own meaning in the place of God’s meaning; then we are no longer reading God’s word but our own. Therefore, we must take care to interpret the Bible literally.
We interpret the Bible literally by following the ordinary rules of language; a noun is to be read as a noun, a verb as a verb, and so on. No matter what we read or in what language we read it, a statement is always a statement and a question is always a question.
Utilizing our Absolute Biblical Certainty and our Discernmentalist logic, we will show you how to apply a literal hermeneutic to the Bible:
This is literally Jesus:
This also is literally Jesus:
And here is something else that is literally Jesus:
Stay tuned for part 2 of our exhilirating fresh new course straight from the bowels of the GOIP Online Discernmentalist Bible-Literalist Institutes aka LifeWay Press!
February 15, 2010
Sarah Palin (Yes! hubba hubba Awesome) to become the newest Conservoporn playmate. Watch as she saves America from the threat of Red Letter Christians and evil Emergents like Brian McLaren. She even puts Obama in his place. All in conservatively appropriate clothing. Sarah Palin (Yes! hubba hubba Awesome) is a true Discernmentalist after the hearts of all Reaganolater Reagan loving GOIP Discernmentalists. In fact we’ve heard that Sarah Palin(Yes! hubba hubba Awesome) is a female clone of our Final President Ronald Reagan.
A key scene in one of Sarah Palin(Yes! hubba hubba Awesome)’s Conservoporn productions Slaying Neo-Marxist Red Letter Christian Wolves: Tax Cuts For The Filthy Rich Turn Me On —-
Look for the official Glenn Beck Seal Of Approval on all of our excellent and quality Conservoporn productions:
November 17, 2009
Discernmentalist by day—hypocrite by night! Keep up with the discernmentalists’ fashion and style of the day with Rend-A-Suit by Haggar, Todd Friel’s favorite designer. These suits are hand sewn with all 600+ commandments and laws of the Old Testament because we Know that Grace has nothing to do with love, mercy, helping others or any of that lying liberal commie crap. Infact we are Absolutely Certain that Grace=our Divine Election as saved discernmentalists + our Legalism towards the non-Elect/false converts and God’s Grace is only for True Believing discernmentalists and so is ours. Why?— Because Spurgeon, Ray Comfort, Todd Friel and Kirk Cameron say that this is the Absolute Truth and Biblically Correct definition of Grace and we should believe as they do as they are clearly superior to all other theologians with the exception of God’s Holiest Apostle—Saint John MacArthur. And remember if you weren’t saved under the Law-Grace Salvation model aka the Ways Of The Master Religion Open Air sermonizing for salvation model aka Hell’s Best Kept Secret then you are most likely a false convert, of the unregenerate non-Elect, unsaved reprobates and never were a True Christian to begin with.