New antigay PSA from us to you!

June 18, 2010

Trigger warning: A creepy, old, male theologian talks about oral sex while repeatedly using words like “copulation,” “genitals,” and “breasts.”

With all this talk about a gay cartoon rat-agenda I’ve been hearing from Don I needed to bring out this PSA from our past to you from us with new commentaries:

This PSA brought to you by the letters J & P and the #1 as we’re #1 in our Absolute Certainty of our Absolute Biblical Truth ah…  ah… ah…

(John) Piper (just like us) accepts penile penal substitution as gospel and cannot navigate a casual conversation without picking tulips. (Our many enemies) find much of his theology (and ours) to be suspect at best and abominable at worst, but (they are) especially concerned by his (and our) low view of women, whom he thinks should ideally adopt a subservient role in society, not only within their own marriages and churches. He has also stated he thinks wives should endure spousal abuse for a season, for instance, if her husband merely “smacks her around one night.” (By the way, the #MeToo movement came after Paige “Fried Chicken” Patterson recently for similar abhorrent remarks. When is it coming for John Piper?!?) (Anyways) Piper also likes to field questions from his adoring fans, often about sex, which are usually about exciting and fun as listening to your grandfather talking about the subject. If you don’t know anything about John Piper, this video will help. Bring your own vomit bag.

Anyways this is why we must absolutely forbid the appearance of gayness even by straight couples as gayness is an abomination—so remember all we told you…why…because…

I. Todyaso


Incontrovertible Evidence of Piper’s Downfall

April 2, 2008

piperjacksonhands.jpg

Laodiceans,

All the recent talk of John Piper here at ODM reminded me of a video I saw one day. This should settle any ideas of Piper’s issues. First, not because of the content, but because he says, “I don’t disapprove of it.” Second, you will notice that he has allowed his sermons based on the Word of God to be mixed with music of Michael Jackson–and Piper doesn’t disapprove. This proves: Piper is a heretic.

You need to be wary of Piper! Clearly he is a loose canon within the evangelical church!

Struggle4laodicea


John Piper Swears During Sermon!

April 1, 2008

When I first heard this sermon I was going to state how much of a Godly man John Piper is. Then I heard him swear. Instantly I lost my sanctification and dropped to my knees and repented for thinking those thoughts about John Piper and for hearing such foul language. I see his message, which started out great, was one that I could not even finish as it was so offensive because of its language! This is proof of the infection of the emerging emergents that are out there swearing in every sermon they do! We can thank Mark Driscoll and Tony Jones for influencing once godly men like John Piper and leading them to lose their sanctification.

 Now, before you worry, I confessed for an hour per letter in that four letter word and now I am pure again.

 (Oh crap! I just listened to the sermon again as I tried to post it to make sure it works… now I need go and repent again!)

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God,

 I. Todyaso


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