Trigger warning: A creepy, old, male theologian talks about oral sex while repeatedly using words like “copulation,” “genitals,” and “breasts.”
With all this talk about a gay cartoon rat-agenda I’ve been hearing from Don I needed to bring out this PSA from our past to you from us with new commentaries:
This PSA brought to you by the letters J & P and the #1 as we’re #1 in our Absolute Certainty of our Absolute Biblical Truth ah… ah… ah…
(John) Piper (just like us) accepts
penilepenal substitution as gospel and cannot navigate a casual conversation without picking tulips. (Our many enemies) find much of his theology (and ours) to be suspect at best and abominable at worst, but (they are) especially concerned by his (and our) low view of women, whom he thinks should ideally adopt a subservient role in society, not only within their own marriages and churches. He has also stated he thinks wives should endure spousal abuse for a season, for instance, if her husband merely “smacks her around one night.” (By the way, the #MeToo movement came after Paige “Fried Chicken” Patterson recently for similar abhorrent remarks. When is it coming for John Piper?!?) (Anyways) Piper also likes to field questions from his adoring fans, often about sex, which are usually about exciting and fun as listening to your grandfather talking about the subject. If you don’t know anything about John Piper, this video will help. Bring your own vomit bag.
Anyways this is why we must absolutely forbid the appearance of gayness even by straight couples as gayness is an abomination—so remember all we told you…why…because…