Easter: The Devil’s Day

April 12, 2020

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We forbid the celebration of Easter with a commendable hatred. Those false Romish doctrines are nothing but Ishtar-worship. Putting on a Puritan’s behind mind Sharon Whitley adds: “I don’t think it should be celebrated anywhere in the church both corporately or privately. Its a worldly globalist observance not of God.” Just think on this Muslim Socialist Obama celebrates it so that should tell you all you need to know.

Besides that Feminist Mothra priestesses were the first  ones to preach Easter sermons—and feminism is against the Pure Doctrines of the Council of Biblical MANHOOD and womanhood. Obamanation.

Elder Dilday exposits: “Those who celebrate Easter belong to  the Papal antichrist and will burn brighter in hell—thank our angry SOVEREIGN god PRAISE  DORT.”

So remember to worship God only on the Popish-pagan day of worship Sunday and put on a Puritan’s behind mind like us or else.


100s of Discernmentalists Stricken with “Discerna” Virus… Center for Discenmental Diseases reports

March 12, 2020

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In a pandemic of epic proportions the Center for Discernmental Diseases (CDD) reports that 100s of Discrnmentalists have been affected by the “Discerna” virus. Eric Barger has already discerned: “I suppose those who are writing or repeating that sort of condemnation believe that only a select few are “woke” enough to walk the straight and narrow of political correctness. What about “Lime Disease,” the origin of which is Lime, Connecticut, or “Ebola,” named for a river in the African Republic of Congo, or “Zika” or “West Nile,” both of which originated in Uganda, or the Swine Flu, from, you guessed it, pigs? How far will the PC nonsense go!?”

Other Discernmentalists have discernmentalized that the “Discerna” virus is a moral good for Ayn Rand’s social-Darwinism.

So if you or any of your loved ones have been stricken by the “Discerna” virus—-the ODMafia recommends mothballs for your protection. Only $9,999! Act now and get a Holy HAND GRENADE free with purchase…results may vary.

 


PSA: Jesus’ Disciples were neither Female nor Gentile

December 1, 2019

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And we wonder why young people are leaving the church?
So the women who announced/preached to the disciples that Jesus was risen where wrong?
As were the many women who had house churches mentioned in Acts and the Epistles?
I don’t think so.

You are correct in one thing…people are leaving the church because they don’t want to hear the word of God rightly preached and told they are sinners.

Jesus had 12 men for Apostles (no woman) and the Holy Spirit used men only to write the New Testament (no women). Yes a women was the first to proclaim the risen Lord because women are not excluded from evangelism. Please refer to the Pauline letters about women teachers and leaders. People are leaving the Church because there is no power displayed due to the watering down and the compromise of the Gospel! Just because a woman is not allowed to teach (except to other woman and children) does not make them inferior in any way, they are the equal to men in the Lord. The lord has set a template for the running and execution of His will within His church, not your Church nor my Church but His Church!

imagesThere you go that settles it—though we must rebuke “Truth will set you free” for his incomplete Discernmentalism. Why stop there? Why not take it further—as we’ve already pointed out on God’s Only Inerrant Party that none of Jesus’ disciples were Gentiles—no not one. They were all Jews therefore only Jewish men are truly called to preach. We rebuke anyone who teaches otherwise as our Pope of all Truth John MacArthur (PBUH) is absolutely right but only teaches half of the Truth that will set you free. If ever I walk into a church and see a woman or Gentile at the pulpit I will leave and shake the dust off my feet. Not only that I’ll leave if they fail any point on our Scripture test about who is called to preach.

Forget what our Truth War Pope (PBUH) says—what does the Bible say in that one proof-text we always quote from when this subject always comes up? “I do not allow a woman to teach or have authority over a man.” Is that ambiguous? Am I missing something in the Pastoral letters? Those are the letters that specifically deal with who should do what. No “call” can be authentically from God if it contradicts the Bible. Amen! People need to think and use their brain’s because Paul didn’t say it for no reason. If you keep reading right after that Paul says what he writes are the commandments of the Lord (just don’t read Joel 2:28-29 nor Acts 2:17). It is a commandment that they stay silent and not to teach or use authority over the man. Jesus said if you love me keep my commandments. These women that teach and preach do not love God according to the Bible. Ya what’s the point in reading Gods word if you’re not going to live by it? Paul said the words that I write are the commandments of the Lord. He wrote that a women should be silent in the church and not to teach or use authority over the man. When a women is teaching or preaching its not being silent and it just shows the rest of us that she doesn’t love Christ because Christ said if you love me keep my commandments. The same book that tells her to be silent is the same book God is going to judge her with in the last days.


Is this One of The Bibliophiles that Ray Comfort warned us about?

June 24, 2019

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Bibliophile in the midst of his sinister act

We’ve already apprised you on God’s Only Inerrant Party that while he was working with us on our de-sinned Arthur episode that Ray Comfort warned us that Bibliophiles are the latest threat in the atheist assault on Bible-Believers. “If you call any other Christian on this page a ‘bibliophile’ I will ban you. I thought it was just another atheist insult, a cross between pedophile and Bible.”—Ray Comfort. Its worse than that though as our Herescopes have discovered a more sinister definition of Bibliophiles that is not an atheist insult.

Recently our Research Robot Monkey spies using our Herescopes have observed a Bibliophile in the midst of the act that fits our newly discovered definition: “a book lover (most likely atheists ie. Disney) assaulting our children with strange books or their love of books. Librarians are also suspect in this.” [This is why we’ve forbidden our wives and children from going to the library or even looking at one (even our own Discernmentalist libraries)].

Mrs. Truthslayer and Mrs. Jobson wanted us to add that not only are these strange books but they are scary as well—after hearing us talk about some of these strange and heretical Emergent books we’ve been discernmentalizing. They have no other choice as they agree with us in our Doctrines. They contain such scary information that we can only flee in horror—fearing and quaking in terror from only briefly glancing at it. In fact our wives were heard screaming as they heard us talking about the spiritually terrorizing information contained within these apostate Emergent books—information such as:

  • “I see the world through the images of Christianity, which teaches me that I encounter God in everyone I meet regardless of what they believe.”—Alan Jones
  • “Since the church has been one of the main perpetrators of parental fear-mongering, it’s only fair we take up the cause of creating a culture of parenting that is less about what we don’t want for our children and more about what we do want.”—Doug Pagitt

We suspect this is part of the reason that Ray Comfort considers Bibliophile an atheist insult. We too consider it an insult after researchmentalizing this vulgar word even further which is why we had to add it to the Second Volume of our Discermentalist Dictionary. Setting the record straight we Online Discernmentalists thankfully are not—I repeat not Bibliophiles—let alone book-lovers but we do love our Bible! On a related note: we’re now offering a special sale on some of our favorite Discernmentalist books.

Books we especially love most of all:

  • Truth Wars: Fighting for our certainty in an age of deception (the book that stared it all)
  • Hell best kept secrets (taught us fear and guilt evangelism)

Beating a Dead Horse: a Discernmentalist’s Favorite Pastime!

June 5, 2019

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Dear ODMafia,

Why do you discuss the same topics over and over again.

Signed,

Slightly Annoyed

Dear Slightly Annoyed,

In case you are new to the world of Discernmentalism—we have to warn you of the same threats over and over again as this is the Truth War and beating a dead horse is our favorite pastime. Now we all  know that Postmodernism has already died and that we are in the Post-Postmodern Age now but as Discernmentalists we constantly live in the past. We must ever be slapping the church by beating dead horses as there are many Trojan Horses slipping through our gates.

And we do love beating our dead horses into people over and over and over again and again and again see:

  1. Here: When Christians call on unbelievers to conform to a certain “religious standard” without faith and repentance in Jesus Christ, we run the risk of leading them to believe that becoming a Christian means simply living a good life. No matter how many pieces of legislation become law and no matter the number of laws to which the unsaved conform, they are still lost in sin [so] when the church takes on the role of morality police…we are only addressing the symptoms of their unsaved condition. How can the unregenerate be anything less than they are? Their worldviews are the foundation of their values, and their values are the foundation of their conduct. Until their unbiblical worldviews are transformed into a biblical view through faith and repentance in Jesus Christ, they are slaves to sin.[Tragically], moralism is just as dangerous and deadly as outright liberalism. As John MacArthur has said, “It makes no difference if an unsaved person is for or against abortion, [is] a political liberal or a conservative, a prostitute or a police officer; he will spend eternity apart from God unless he repents and believes the gospel.”—Excerpts from Religious Trojan Horse by Brannon Howse.
  2. And here: As a long-time observer and critic of the EC, informed people are deeply grieved because those in the emerging movement—as with classic liberalism—are moving beyond mere syncretistic pluralism and embracing universalism; and furthermore, under the circus big tent this counterfeit version of the Christian faith has grown into a neo-liberal cult, complete with it’s denial of cardinal doctirnes of the Christian faith, it’s own leaders, and it’s own postmodern progressive/liberal theology. I’ll warn you again, you embrace these false prophets at your own peril.— CROOKED TALK FROM THE EMERGING CHURCH TROJAN HORSE
  3. Here again again: YWAM a religious trojan horse
  4. And again here again: The “Trojan horse” that has been accepted within every part of the church is a deception called contemplative prayer. Some call it meditation, soaking, or centering prayer. It is veiled in Christian lingo and justified by Scripture (used out of context or without correct definitions of words), but is full of occult techniques from eastern religions and witchcraft. The teachers of this perverted form of prayer encourage things like repeating words or phrases over and over for long periods of time in meditative prayer, visualizing images of Jesus, the Father, God’s throne, healings or light within themselves and many other occult practices. It can also be done by focusing on the rhythm of one’s breathing or an object like an icon or the flame of a candle. The goal is to quiet the mind through a passive eastern-style meditation as a way to connect with the “divine presence” and generate mystical/prophetic experiences like “visiting the third heaven” at will. Sadly, the primary perpetrators of spreading these demonic doctrines are many well-known and respected Evangelical, Charismatic, and Catholic ministers. Many of them are also operating in spirits of divination while claiming their abilities are from the Holy Spirit. Some of them are as sincere as the fireman who ran through the fire to rescue the baby, but they are terribly deceived. Others know exactly what they are doing because they are agents of Satan who are purposely trying to undermine and destroy good churches and true Christians. But regardless of the motives, these occult practices are opening people up to dangerous spirits and beliefs.

Personally we still believe the axis of liberal Emerging/Emergent socialist justice-seeking Purpose-driven seeker-sensitive semi-Pelagian Canadian un-American gay Roman Catholic feminist Muslim Arminian universalist democrat commie pansies who believe God is love and that His love wins are this Trojan Horse responsible for all that is evil in the world and the church (but never our side).

Signed,

Don Jobson

P.S. Have you tried our mothballs yet? The smell of them should help cure your annoyance until you get use to Our Brand.


Eric…Heresy Free!

May 19, 2019

thank goodness

The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed this prayer:

‘I thank you, God, that I am not a HERETIC like everyone else. For my theological doctrines are pure (American & conservative), I pray 3 times a day (unlike my Muslim enemies who pray excessively at 5 prayers), I refuse to address social justice (because that sounds too my like socialism), I attack anyone who critiques capitalism (because consumerism, accumulation & exploitation) has nothing to do with the good news (and unAmerican). I also criticize anyone who speaks against militarism by calling them commies and liberals…because I am thankful to be alone in holding up the absolute biblical truth.

Finally ….I thank-you that I go from church to church to speak against other believers & calling them false teachers, heretics and apostates.”

Hunting down heretics and spotting heresies in our many enemies for your protection,

Truthslayer out (as in outing heretics)!


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