March 12, 2020
In a pandemic of epic proportions the Center for Discernmental Diseases (CDD) reports that 100s of Discrnmentalists have been affected by the “Discerna” virus. Eric Barger has already discerned: “I suppose those who are writing or repeating that sort of condemnation believe that only a select few are “woke” enough to walk the straight and narrow of political correctness. What about “Lime Disease,” the origin of which is Lime, Connecticut, or “Ebola,” named for a river in the African Republic of Congo, or “Zika” or “West Nile,” both of which originated in Uganda, or the Swine Flu, from, you guessed it, pigs? How far will the PC nonsense go!?”
Other Discernmentalists have discernmentalized that the “Discerna” virus is a moral good for Ayn Rand’s social-Darwinism.
So if you or any of your loved ones have been stricken by the “Discerna” virus—-the ODMafia recommends mothballs for your protection. Only $9,999! Act now and get a Holy HAND GRENADE free with purchase…results may vary.
June 24, 2019
Bibliophile in the midst of his sinister act
We’ve already apprised you on God’s Only Inerrant Party that while he was working with us on our de-sinned Arthur episode that Ray Comfort warned us that Bibliophiles are the latest threat in the atheist assault on Bible-Believers. “If you call any other Christian on this page a ‘bibliophile’ I will ban you. I thought it was just another atheist insult, a cross between pedophile and Bible.”—Ray Comfort. Its worse than that though as our Herescopes have discovered a more sinister definition of Bibliophiles that is not an atheist insult.
Recently our Research Robot Monkey spies using our Herescopes have observed a Bibliophile in the midst of the act that fits our newly discovered definition: “a book lover (most likely atheists ie. Disney) assaulting our children with strange books or their love of books. Librarians are also suspect in this.” [This is why we’ve forbidden our wives and children from going to the library or even looking at one (even our own Discernmentalist libraries)].
Mrs. Truthslayer and Mrs. Jobson wanted us to add that not only are these strange books but they are scary as well—after hearing us talk about some of these strange and heretical Emergent books we’ve been discernmentalizing. They have no other choice as they agree with us in our Doctrines. They contain such scary information that we can only flee in horror—fearing and quaking in terror from only briefly glancing at it. In fact our wives were heard screaming as they heard us talking about the spiritually terrorizing information contained within these apostate Emergent books—information such as:
- “I see the world through the images of Christianity, which teaches me that I encounter God in everyone I meet regardless of what they believe.”—Alan Jones
- “Since the church has been one of the main perpetrators of parental fear-mongering, it’s only fair we take up the cause of creating a culture of parenting that is less about what we don’t want for our children and more about what we do want.”—Doug Pagitt
We suspect this is part of the reason that Ray Comfort considers Bibliophile an atheist insult. We too consider it an insult after researchmentalizing this vulgar word even further which is why we had to add it to the Second Volume of our Discermentalist Dictionary. Setting the record straight we Online Discernmentalists thankfully are not—I repeat not Bibliophiles—let alone book-lovers but we do love our Bible! On a related note: we’re now offering a special sale on some of our favorite Discernmentalist books.
Books we especially love most of all:
- Truth Wars: Fighting for our certainty in an age of deception (the book that stared it all)
- Hell best kept secrets (taught us fear and guilt evangelism)
May 19, 2019
The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed this prayer:
‘I thank you, God, that I am not a HERETIC like everyone else. For my theological doctrines are pure (American & conservative), I pray 3 times a day (unlike my Muslim enemies who pray excessively at 5 prayers), I refuse to address social justice (because that sounds too my like socialism), I attack anyone who critiques capitalism (because consumerism, accumulation & exploitation) has nothing to do with the good news (and unAmerican). I also criticize anyone who speaks against militarism by calling them commies and liberals…because I am thankful to be alone in holding up the absolute biblical truth.
Finally ….I thank-you that I go from church to church to speak against other believers & calling them false teachers, heretics and apostates.”
Hunting down heretics and spotting heresies in our many enemies for your protection,
Truthslayer out (as in outing heretics)!