The Sickness in Discernmentalist Ministries

August 17, 2019

D4j7hMhW0AAWruJBecome  a part of the Deformed and Discernmentalist Southern Baptist unTwitterati Cabal today by mocking those who have fallen gravely ill. We are now accepting applicants. If you feel the current evangelical leadership (JD Greear, Russell Moore, Al Molher, Beth Moore, Tim Keller, etc.) are becoming evil libruls because they’re starting to acknowledge the existence of racial disparities in the criminal justice system—you’ll fit right in with us.

Just like Pastor Gabe we Discernmentalists believe sickness is a symptom of lifelong sin. We also believe we should be discernmentalizing 24/7—finding a new heretic of the week:

As a former news-junkie, I’ve often lamented the advent of 24/7 news. It has done more harm to journalism than any school of journalism (with all of their agendas) could have ever accomplished. Today, 24/7 news has created a feeding frenzy around every speculation, hearsay, possible motive, or misspoken word. The men and women formerly called journalists have an audience waiting to hear something new, and the industry demands that our network get it out before your network. So, rather than well-researched facts, so-called journalists are spitting out every kind of agenda-based opinion, to the point that fake news has become “a thing.” Have you notice how many “breaking news alerts” you hear on the 24/7 news channels? Events that have been scheduled for weeks are “breaking news.” Why the hyperbole? It is because of the feeding frenzy.

Discernment ministry has grown to this level as well. Those who have built their ministry around this work now have a constituency that they must feed. There is an expectation that the so-called discerners bring forth a new heretic of the week. After all, we already know about the other heretics, we’ve left their teaching, we are bored with them, and we’ve already posted the warnings on social media. But this is a new day, and discernment ministries have an empty blog and a silent podcast to fill.

The world is full of liberal sickos and they’re all out to get us. We’d like to thank Pastor Gabe for helping us spread the Discernmentalist Gospel.


Interview with a vampire (heretic)

February 29, 2008

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The good people over at CRN have done it again!  Just when I thought they had exhausted their sizable reach, they turn up yet another article about Brian McLaren (heretic).  How do they do it?  Their staff must consist of literally tens of people searching through news journals, newspapers and the internet to find stories that mean something to me.  Well done CRN!

Now on to the article.  If you take the time to read it, and I mean with the discernmentalist eye, you will find heretical remarks all through Brian McLaren’s (heretic) comments.  First he says that Jesus would use a Blackberry?  Are you kidding me?  Jesus is God and God doesn’t need a puny electronic device to remember what he is going to do.  So Brian McLaren (heretic) is mocking our Lord.  Also, he says that Jesus would be concerned with the planet and homeless people.  As John MacArthur points out,

 “That salt and light are not moral influence, but gospel witness and the power of holy living. They always say well, we have to be salt and light, we have to be salt and light, have to be salt and light. Well, the imagery of Jesus in the sermon on the mount with regard to salt and light is the image of the shining forth of truth. That’s the light. And the preservative of godly living. We are light when we proclaim the light, and manifest our good works. That’s what He says. And glorify our Father who is in heaven. And we are salt when we are a preservative, because of the virtue and the godliness of our lives.”

In another place John MacArthur states it this way;

“He (Jesus) did not seek social change.”

 To quote C. H. Spurgeon Himself;

“Well, it is the tendency of the times to decry preaching, but it is “the foolishness of preaching” which is to change the world.”

 In Other words Jesus didn’t come to change the world or to worry about the homeless (paraphrase is mine).  So how can Brian McLaren (heretic) sit there and tell us to take care of the homeless.  Not only that, but he contradicts his whole emerging thought process by saying he wouldn’t give someone money, just talk to him and love him.  I thought you cared for the homeless Brian!

I will wrap this up with my views.  It is up to Ken Silva to keep this heretic’s schedule in the forefront of our minds.  I personally don’t want to go to a bookstore and run into him.  That would make me feel dirty.  And all you who know the TRUTH know that Brian McLaren (heretic) is a heretic and so he is not allowed to say anything about Jesus.  As CRN rightly points out, “he probably doesn’t even know the Lord.”  And how could you when you are more worried about the planet, the homeless, poverty, world peace and religious understanding, then pointing out other people’s sins?  This is a no-brainer people! 

I am glad God didn’t make me like them!

Dr. Seymore Spurgeon


Starbucks is an emergent church like entity

February 26, 2008

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We here at the Online Discernmentalist Mafia see a parallel with Starbucks shutting down for three hours to re-train its employees, with the emergent/seeker movement in the church.  Starbucks feels like it is losing its way, while we know that the emergent church has already lost its way.  Starbucks is worried about the competition of McDonald’s and Dunkin Donuts, while the emergent church is worried about being part of the post-modern culture.  Starbucks started serving breakfast and accommodating everyone, while the emerging church takes in everyone,  while they are still sinning. 

We here will not take three hours of to re-train, since we need no re-training.  God has given us everything we need in the form of inerrant scripture that has been validated by various people including Ken Silva, John MacArthur, and the pyro-guys.  Paul told us to pray without ceasing and that doesn’t mean to take three hours off, like the emergent church guys would do.    We will stand on the street corners and preach how everyone who hears us is a sinner, especially those who would “call” themselves Christians, for they are the worst, and we won’t take three hours off.  We will work the Way of the Master formula to perfection since it is the only approved way of evangelism and is taken straight from the approved versions of the most inerrant scriptures.  We will not take three hours off.  We have TRUTH on our side and so we can’t lose.  Let those emergent “churches” take time off to train and learn new things, let them do new sermon series, let them have Starbucks coffee in their church, and let God rain down his fire to those wolves in sheep’s clothing.  I don’t want to be anywhere around when God’s wrath comes down on those sinners, who think they are fine because they love everyone and follow Christ’s example, in the form of fire and sulfur.  Many churches will be in flames on that day and pillars of salt will litter the landscape as these “Christians” look back on their homosexually loving churches. 

We will not take three hours off because God shines his light on the defenders of his TRUTH, which could be compromised if we take three hours off.

May the peace of Christ be with you, and all who think like me.

Dr. Seymore Spurgeon


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