Breaking: Unbiblical Cereal Persecuting Discernmentalists!

October 26, 2019

BelongTogetherCereal

We all belong together. So for the first time in history, our famous mascots and cereals are offered exclusively together in the same box for All Together Cereal. It’s a symbol of acceptance no matter how you look, where you’re from or who you love.

Oh the horror is there any object that doesn’t offend us or persecute us! This is worse than when fictional cartoon rats got ghey-married causing hetero-marriages to fail by osmosis! Noted Discernmentlist Ken Ham declared: “We are not “All together,” as the lifestyle/worldview of these fictional cereal mascots is anti-God, anti-biblical & anti-science and consists of only a small minority in the culture.” As my co-Truthwarrior Dr. Truthslayer has pointed out: “We demand that this cereal be stopped!!! We can only guess that some time soon they will introduce whole grain oats, barley, and maize to this liberal mix. Its processed whole-wheat or nothing!!!”

In fact we know this as one Kellogian stated: “Just think now KIDS might get the idea to buy 6 separate boxes of cereal, and mix them up on their own! Kellog’s is now working for the Devil! No more Kelloggs! They are evil, because any of their cereals might get mixed!!! Leading kids to proclaim: Hail Satan!” If this doesn’t make clear how unbiblical and apostate this cereal really is—consider this—our Research Robot Monkeys overheard this apostate cereal saying:

“Black, white, green, red
Can I take my friend to bed?
Pink, brown, yellow, orange, and blue
I love you”

We only wish that more inanimate objects; fictional characters; even animals would hold true to our morals; Doctrines and worldview. We have one word of caution—if you see this cereal in stores…flee!

To counteract this assault on our Truth—we recommend a daily dose of Calvin Crunch; Reformation Crunch; Truth Loops; Catacomb; and Christo-Fascist Flakes for a more Biblically-sound all around healthy breakfast and extra-protection from wetness!


Discerning The World (DTW) Discerns Rob! Part 1

October 23, 2019

tj200810261747-1In keen Discernmentalist fashion Discerning The World (DTW) quotes Rob Bell:

Rob Bell – The Original Guerilla Theatre: throwing ourselves into this ancient, sacred art form with the absurd, naive, antiquated belief that the world needs inspiring, provocative, comforting, dangerous, healing, great sermons now more than ever

We are not sure exactly what that quote means ….BUT….using Discerning the World’s newly invented  STRETCH technology (Survey Truth Revise & Exaggerate Truncate Cacophony of Hagiomania)  -we get the following re-interpretation….

[DTW note: What Rob Bell REALLY means here.   Ancient, sacred art = paganism, occult.  By art they actually mean the craft or ‘art of the craft’.  In short it means this:  The experience and feeling you can attain by following ancient sacred knowledge by practicing certain disciplines.

ODMAfia note: We like the added emphasis that DTW gives for interpretation ie What Rob Bell REALLY means…

Despite the fact that readers are given almost no context (which is an effective discernmentalist tool)….could not “ancient, sacred art” mean conveying stories or parables (just like ancient men did,  like Jesus used????) to convey truth through narrative?

We like the fact that DTW uses insinuation…another effective tool of attack against the unrighteous.  We are also pleased that DTW has replaced the Roman Magisterium with themselves as the ultimate interpreter of all that is Rob Bell, Emergent or any other “defective” Christianity.

We are thankful for the Discerning the World  MAGISTERIAL interpretation of Rob Bell by using STRETCH. Thanks guys!


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