Selachophiles theologically suspect?

May 16, 2019

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“Be not carried about with divers and strange doctrines. For it is a good thing that the heart be established with grace; not with meats, which have not profited them that have been occupied therein.”—Hebrews 13:9 (KJV AV1611)

The Mighty Phil Johnson of Hugh Jass Ministries warns that shark-lovers the world over are possibly theologically suspect as being complicit in the Pelagic Captivity of the Church. Many Pelagic shark divers* may be secretly hiding behind your church’s pulpit holding the Truth hostage by teaching the heresy that God is love and that God loves the whole world. Phil began to suspect one shark diver who visited no Grace Community Church of spiritual terrorism when said diver began teaching divers’ doctrines and Armenian mathematics such as 2 + 2 always equaling 4 rather than the Biblically correct answer from our Reformed mathematics textbooks that 2 + 2 mostly equals 10. Soon the shark diver began babbling in tongues in what appeared to be Pornographic Divination.

Quote Hugh Jass on the incident when said diver began babbling Charismatic Chaos: “I had a vision of Mickey Mouse jumping over a shark…. and I thought Shark Week was over.” Alarming Phil’s Mighty shark-fighting senses—Phil (in a fit of Semi-Donatism)** began to punch this diver in the nose with Doctrine from the Pope of all Truth’s Mighty book fighting for Certainty in an Age of Deception. Phil rebuked that Semi-Pelagic heretic:  “You can’t be from Saint Augustine with your impure Doctrines…you must be from Rome. Only we are True Christians semi-Pelagic reprobate.”—forgetting for a moment that Phil’s Doctrines also come from Rome. Phil’s overlord the Great Pastor-Teacher of Grace to You=Condemnation to you fame John MacArthur (PBUH) commended Phil for preaching the True Gospel of the Ways of  the Master himself’s Truth War.

We however move that we hold these Pelagic beasts captive so that the church is no longer captive to their errors such as their heretical divers’ doctrines. We also believe Phil has a Hugh Jass case of Selachophobia.

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*- Phil’s depiction of that semi-Pelagic diver

**- From 393 on, Augustine took the offensive against the Donatist church. His contempt for them was obvious: “The clouds roll with thunder, that the house of the Lord shall be built throughout the earth; and these frogs sit in their marsh and croak ‘We are the only Christians’!”

 

 


Be Rapture-Ready for May 21, 2011!

May 17, 2011

Prepare for May 21st and be Rapture Ready with the Online Discernmentalist Mafia’s handy new RaptureHatch for the roofs of True Churches and the homes of True Regenerate Converts. Doomsday is soon approaching… Don’t get Left Behind with the unregenerate non-Elect heathens… Let John MacArthur confirm you in our Pure Truth War Doctrines and prove that you are indeed Rapture Ready and we’ll install a RaptureHatch on your roof today!

This site (an Online Discernmentalist Mafia partner site) reveals the most complete written, audio, and video Bible teachings which conclusively prove May 21, 2011 to be Judgment Day and The Rapture, and October 21, 2011 to be the end of the world. It is most urgent to examine yourself, whether you are of the Regenerate Elect and therefore are saved.


The Heart Of The Discernmentalist Gospel

November 2, 2010

Most of you are going to hell because you were not specially chosen and frozen like We God’s Truth Biblical Elect (Calvinazis) are—so quake now in mortal fear and terror at the horrors that await ye, reprobates, especially if you are Roman Catholic, Arminian, a Pentecostal tongue-babbler, Emergent, queer or even worse all of the above:

P.S. Hell is a “real place” so We’d hate to be all of you reprobates (non-Calvinazis) on the day that you die so remember We tried to lovingly warn you by the Absolute Truth of our Pure Doctrines which have saved Us from an eternity in flames.

P. P. S. This is also warning to Pastorboy aka (Name withheld upon request) to get back in line with our Pure Doctrines.


Fox News’ Secret Liberal Agenda

August 10, 2010

Our faithful Research Robot Monkeys are ever scouring the world in our quest of rooting out the True Christians from the fakers and pretenders; the True Converts from the False Converts. This was why we were so shocked when thanks to our Research Robot Monkey Infiltrators we discovered that Fox News are so ungodly. Not only is Fox News ungodly, they are also full of fake and pretend Christians aka False Converts because they pretend to be bible-believing Conservatives while all the while secretly supporting  the ungodly liberal agenda. Here for all the world our Research Robot Monkeys expose Fox News’ Hidden Liberal Agenda:

  • they are way too ecumenical
  • ecumenism = liberalism
  • ecumenism = one world religion/one world government/new world order
  • they mix True Bible-Believing Conservative Christian Believers with False Converts such as Mary and Pope-worshipping Romanists and non-Christians (Mormons) against the clear Bible teaching  of the Doctrine of Separatism in 2 Corinthians 6:14-18
  • by being ecumenical they plan to unleash an unholy hybrid of Calvinism (Absolute Biblical Truth) with Papism and Mormonism upon the world
  • they are crybabies
  • crying = effeminate
  • effeminate = queerosexual
  • queerosexual = liberal
  • liberal  = terrorist

But most importantly they broke the 11th Commandment—one of the holiest of  all commandments which is: “Thou shall not cry with an unbeliever; it is an abomination.”
(Holy Ways Of The Master King James John MacArthur Bible: Wretched Edition).


McCarthy Ministries Puts Bible Monkey On Watchlist

July 29, 2010

McCarthy Ministries has done it again. They’ve caught Bible Monkey  in the midst of “Pinkness” which is practically Red for all of our paranoid purposes. McCarthy Ministries has also drawn up a list of character traits to be suspect of:


Christo-Fascistview Radio Notes UFOs Planning Attack

July 28, 2010

 

Jan Markell: July 27
Rich Christiano joins Jan to talk about those pesky little UFOs. Should Christians take this seriously? Yes! Christiano has produced a film about the subject — a film good for spreading the gospel. He believes, as does this ministry, that these UFOs are demonic manifestations due to the lateness of the hour. After the Rapture, the world will say that these objects took people away and good riddance.

OD Mafia Editor’s Note: We have reason to suspect Obama, Lew Rockwell, Rob Bell and all Muslims have something to do with this.


Finally Some More Pure Gospel Music…

June 1, 2010

…from the creators of God Hates The World:

This  is a great hymn which teaches the Pure Truth War Gospel of God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath towards the 99% of humanity He chose not to limit His atonement for. And remember: “Stop prayin,’ stop prayin,’ God will not hear you anymore” as if God ever listened to all of you unrepentant unregenerate reprobated sinners to begin with. God hears not the prayers of the reprobate, for God hates you so much that He chose  to destroy and eternally burn you in hell before you were ever  born— but if you are like us Predestined and of the Regenerate Elect and therefore able to repent, you may repent if you wish—but repentance is unecessary and not required of the Elect, for we are already “Once Saved Always Saved” no matter what.


Warning Ken Silva May Cause Death

May 12, 2010

 

Recently it has been brought to our attention that Ken Silva may in fact cause death. Perhaps because as a fellow Truth Warrior he is so close to the Absolute Truth that he is able to absorb God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath like a lighting rod. After absorbing and storing up enough of God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath, he would then be able to reflect it like any good Static conductor of Absolute Truth will and then bounce it back off of him into those that attack our Truth.

For it is Written in the Truth Warrior Bible:

 “What if God, willing to show His Absolute Sovereign Wrath, and to make His Absolute Power known has Chosen and Frozen a select few Truth Warriors to be retrofitted wth Superhuman Absolute Truth and Wrath absorbing powers so that they may endure with much long-suffering the vessels of wrath fitted to destruction only to and all for His (God’s) Absolute Glory?”

Another way Ken can cause death is by using one of our Truth Rods and smacking apostate reprobates so full of the Absolute Truth that they give up the ghost:

However we propose it is the former rather than the latter as it is also Written in the Truth Warrior Bible that:

“The Lord is so angry with apostate reprobate sinners 1 that He will kill anyone among them who attack the Absolute Truth or reach out their hands to touch His Holy annointed Arks:  any of the select few specially chosen Truth Warriors that have been retrofitted wth Superhuman Absolute Truth and Wrath absorbing powers!”

Certainly Ken Silva with his closeness to the Absolute Truth is among  those of the select few specially chosen Truth Warriors that have been retrofitted wth Superhuman Absolute Truth and Wrath absorbing powers that can cause anyone’s death.

P. S. And also remember to check out our newest Discernmentalist film on Absolute Truth: “They Came From Beyond….Modernism” and our latest greatest promotion ever!


What Biblically Verifiable Theology Looks Like

May 10, 2010

As True Christians and Discernmentalists, We must stand by our Absolute Biblical Truths like tearing others down when they stand in our way. Making fun of others when they are down in the dumps and kicking them even further is Absolutely Biblical. Using Absolute Biblical Certainty, We must stand up for these Hard Truths. Our Discernmentalist logic dictates that our theology must be Extreme by nature as our God is a very angry Sovereign God ready to pour down His Absolute Sovereign Wrath upon unsuspecting non-elected sinners at any time. Putting reprobates in their place is just part of our job as the Bible commands us to imitate our Father God in Heaven.

A video example of our Biblically verifiable theology.

We wish that crybaby reprobates would quit whining and complaining about their status as the losers of God’s Sovereign lottery of pre-determined Absolute Fatalism. God can and does get what He wants  as is His Sovereign Will and His good pleasure decrees so suck it up if you are on the losing end of God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath as it was just Fate that you were Born to Lose. All of this is Biblically verifiable theology as We back up our Extreme Theology with the Hard Truths of the Bible and Bible-Based STRETCH Technology. This is why our Extreme approach to everything works and why We must take a stand against those trying to water down theology with love as you can’t save anyone by loving up on them. You’ve got to tell them the Truth like John MacArthur—the Hard Truth that God hates them and is so angry with their sinful ways that He could threaten to pour down His wrath upon them at any moment unless they are Elect and therefore able to repent.


There Be Floods A-Coming!

March 31, 2010

New World Order Weekend using Eric Barger’s STRETCH Prophesying Revisionist Technology predicts massive flooding in the North East  due to Obama’s non-Zionist stance:

Topic Two: Brannon believes America may very well see a serious crisis this week such as flooding in the North East for Obama’s treatment of Israel in the past few days and particularly for his treatment of Israel’s Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu. Why does Brannon say this?

We Know that all True Christians are Pro-Zionist and Premillenial Dispensationalist Rapture believers as our own Saint John MacArthur plainly teaches:

Premillennialism as being the only consistent position for any person who holds to the doctrine of sovereign electing grace. He even went so far as to say that the Amillennial position is more consistent with Arminianism than it is with Calvinism.

We also Know that the modern day United Nations created state of Israel is the same as Ancient Biblical Israel and if you don’t approve of all of the actions of 1948 created Israel then God will smite you just as He did with the enemies of the Israelites. We also Know that the Ancient Israelites are one  and the same with Modern Day Israelis including Christian and Muslim Israelis so remember America should always support Israeli backed terrorism against  Palestinians or God will smite America with more tornados and floods for His Absolute Sovereign Vengeful Hate-filled Loving Wrathful Gory Glory.

P. S. If you doubt our words we have something extra for you just in case to make sure our warnings sink in:

Item #3

Worldview Matters with Brannon Howse
You Doubt Item #2? Then listen to this best of flashback from July 2009? Brannon’s guest is John McTeran who wrote the book, As America Has Done to Israel. John details the direct connection between the alarming number of massive disasters striking America after her leaders pressuring Israel to surrender her land for”peace”. Costing hundreds of lives and causing hundreds of billions of dollars’ worth of damage, dozens of disasters, including devastating earthquakes, raging fires, hurricanes, floods, tsunamis, and tornadoes, have hit America-and always within twenty-four hours of putting pressure on Israel. John also shows the connection between America turning on Israel and our current financial crisis.


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