Just When I Thought I Could Say “Amen”…

January 28, 2009

 

Take A Stand Ministries “”Now in our 26th year of standing for truth!” have used their bible based satellite system (BS) to sift absolute truth from horrendous Rick Warren prayer drivel. A hardened apologist with 2 weeks under his belt noted “We have Eric to thank for his expertise in being a sharp shooting saviour of truth discernmentalism!” Barger explains “I have researched Islam for many years.” no doubt with the use of his carefully calibrated billion dollar BS system. He further articulated “Isa” in no way represents the Jesus of the Bible ” Another unnamed apologist spoke up at the discernmentalist conference trying to expose this fallacy “Could it be” he said inquisitively ” that Warren was simply trying to use Isa as an apologetic to point them using the Quaranic reference to the REAL Jesus?” Thankfully our Robot Researchers quickly muzzled any views that were a) confused with support of Warren b) showed any rationality c) used opposing discernment skills (Like the ones used by William Lane Craig or Ravi Zacharias)

The Online Discernmentalist Mafia will come against anyone and everyone who attempts to think clearly and does not depend on such technologies as the billion dollar bible based satellite system (BS).

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Obama Elected, Muslims Divided

January 28, 2009

 

SoL, the scholarly, high brow discernment apologetics site of choice recently cited Daniel Pipes, Director of the Middle East Forum, and distinguished visiting fellow at the Hoover Institution, Stanford University. Thankfully according to news source Salon “And he employs the fears and insecurities created by Islamic extremism to slander or misrepresent those who disagree with him.” SoL ventured to comment “exploiting fears and insecurities” is what we are all about. If we can get people to hate, and especially fear Muslims we may be able to create the country that we always dreamed of.

Keeping you informed so you don’t have to do the thinking yourself – the Online Discernmentalist Mafia!


ZONDERVAN NATIONAL PASTORS CONFERENCE 2009 “A FESTIVAL OF FRUITLESS PSEUDO-CHRISTIANITY”

January 22, 2009

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Apprising Ministries always quick to get the story out noted the dark sinister ploys of the ZONERVAN NATIONAL PASTORS CONFERENCE 2009. Thankfully this year’s theme is entitled “A festival of Fruitless pseudo-Christianity” so that Apprising has to do little or no research whatsoever. Apprising states that there is an “annual Zondervan marketing blowout only thinly disguised as a gathering for pastors.” Apprising did further digging to discover that these faux pastors where actually created in a Pentagon lab through a multi-billion dollar black project in conjunction with Skunkworks.

 

Unfortunately, it is difficult to get to the truth – especially the absolute truth. Take a Stand Ministries (TSM) with the help of a bible – based satellite (BS) system was able to detect what they were doing in this subversive symposium. Using their BS they cited group prayer, silence and reflection and attendance at a chapel they could ultimately destroy the body of Christ at large. However, Take A Stand Ministries had developed a working theory that contradicted Apprising “Imagine if they begin to subvert the entire church with crazy ideas of self reflection, and silence and even prayer together… this is obviously diabolical – I bet Rob Bell is behind the curtain in conjunction with reverse vampires, sinners and the KGB.”  Stay tuned for more theories and solid news from The Online Discernmentalist Mafia.


Rick Warren Should Have Rejected Obama’s Offer

January 22, 2009

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Take A Stand Ministries (TSM) “Now in our 26th year of standing for truth!” has made a startling revelation and humbly offered the following insightful advice “Rick Warren Should Have Rejected Obama’s Offer” The Online Discernmenalist Mafia (ODM) with our keen sense of Discernmenalist Research asked TSM how they arrived at the following advice. TSM replied “We have many tools in our arsenal; in fact back in the early 1990s we developed a secret decoder ring and cloaking device for our bibles….its all bible based of course.” ODM in our penetrating journalistic approach furthered our research by asking “Is this how you arrived at why Warren should have rejected Obama’s offer?” TSM replied “We could easily arrive at that decision, even if it was none of our business.”

When it’s none of our business…we make it ours! – The Online Discernmentalist Mafia!


We Totally Agree with Chris Rosebrough and Slice of Laodicea!

January 22, 2009

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 I just read the recent post Ingrid and Chris Rosebrough have posted. We too see that real pastors must wear suits.

Ingrid sums up our opinion with this statement:

 “Can you imagine calling on this individual at 3am when your loved one is dying or seriously ill? Can you imagine Mr. T-shirt holding the hand of an elderly saint as she passes into eternity?”

 I recently read a statistic that the divorce rate for pastors is around 67% and I praised God that these truly God-based pastors were willing to sacrifice their wives and families for the Gospel. How great that they were able to shed the burden of wives who kept them from doing God’s work!

 Of course, any real pastor would wear a suit and tie to preach in. When I was a pastor I used to sleep in mine so I would be ready incase someone called me at 3:am.

We also agree with Chris Rosebrough and Ingrid as this series that the clip comes from also teaches some other insidious and unbiblical things

 “#5 – Are you trying to do this alone?  

One of the things I’ve tried to do quite unsuccessfully in the past is solo ministry…thinking that I really didn’t need the help of God or others.

STOP…no pastor would admit they would try to do ministry without God…but here’s a question…how much personal time do you spend in the word…sermon prep NOT included.

In order for me to lead publically I need to have a passion to meet with Him privately as often as I can.

AND…pastors, we need the help of others!  We will never be able to do EVERYTHING in our church well…and we should stop trying.  God uniquely designed you for a purpose…and when we embrace trying to do everything we often wind up accomplishing nothing.

I used to HATE asking people to do things because I falsly assumed that because I hated doing something that others would hate doing it as well…until I heard Andy Stanley talk about how there are people who actually LOVE to do the tasks that I can’t stand.  (Organizing, etc.)

Pastors…there are people all around you just waiting on you to ask them to do what you hate to do.  They know you are horrible at it…they’re praying that you will stop!!!  SO…ask for God’s help…and embrace Ephesians 4:11-12 and get others involved as well.

#6 – Do I care more about my sermon for this Sunday…or the people who will hear it?

This one FLOORED me because…there have been times that I crafted the “perfect sermon” and completely forgot about the people who were going to hear it.

Pastors…we are called to honor God by giving Him our best.  (II Timothy 2:15)  And we should desire to preach great sermons…but our passion should be for the people that hear them to be transformed by the Gospel…and for their lives to be radically different.

People MATTER to God…the sermon MATTERS to God, but it should NEVER be our goal to hear “great sermon pastor” at the expense of us forgetting to love and lead the very people whom God tells us we will be held accountable for.

BOTH MUST MATTER…one does not have to be sacrificed for the other…just something the Lord is teaching me.”

 How dare this so called pastor disrespect the high calling of pastoring! Any real pastor does not need any help from anyone.

 Notice that this “pastor” teaches it is all about him?

“how much personal time do you spend in the word?”

How sad that he thinks time in God’s Word is about himself!

Notice again the phrase, “I need”? Again… it is all about himself!

He goes on to admit that he is not a real pastor…

“We will never be able to do EVERYTHING in our church well…and we should stop trying.”

Pastors should stop trying to do everything in their own church! Such non commitment!

In fact did you notice that this pastor insists other in the church have a “purpose” and that they need participate in the work of the church? How sad! We know that God has no purpose for us! That is all the false gospel of Rick Warren!

The worst thing though is he personal slam against “sermons”! Any real pastor knows that the “perfect sermon” will do more than anything in converting others to the Doctrines of the Truth War!

Now in the video, this pastor slams those who come to worship and complain about the music! He states: “I don’t care.”

He is a pastor who does not care if the people that come to his church like the worship music? In fact he states, “Leave!”

We here stand with Ingrid and Chris Rosebrough that people need leave a pastor who has this anti Truth War attitude toward his own church. We applaud Ingrid and Chris Rosebrough for pointing this sad example of a pastor out to all of us.

I you want to here more of this “me” based pastor, here is one of his series appropriately titled, “Me or Jesus”. 

The end is truly here,

I. Todyaso


Proof of Obama’s Lascivious lifestyle!

January 21, 2009

I was shocked when I saw this video! Obama is DANCING! and we know that is a sin… not only is he dancing; he is dancing with OTHER WOMEN! and shaking his fanny to ungodly music. Shame has truly come over this once Godly Nation…


Dan Kimball’s Hair Leaves Emerging Church!

January 21, 2009

 

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THE Editors note: We would like to introduce a new writer here at the Online Discernmentalist Mafia. His name is TruthSlayer and I am amazed at his discernmentalist skills.

Several apologetic discernment ministries have reported a major fracture in the Emerging Church movement. Thankfully, SoL, Take A Stand Ministries, Herescope and Apprising Ministries have all reported a huge rift that occurred last Tuesday morning within the Emerging church movement. Dan Kimball a major proponent of Emerging noted that his hair is succeeded from his head. He would not comment any further

Another unnamed ministry was able to interview Kimball’s hair. Reports so far note that his hair had moved onto a more bible-hair based ministry. Kimball’s hair was reported to have had enough of the “greased back” programs and would like to let his hair down. The unnamed ministry learned that Dan Kimball was in fact not bible based…as a matter of fact his hair was quoted as saying “Dan did not even have a house built out of bibles….instead it was built out of secular brick and mortar” Hair went on to say “I was so uncomfortable in a non-bible based home.” As a matter of fact other shocking elements to the story persist that Dan only had 6 bibles in his household, and he had a subscription to Christianity Today…and applying our Discernmentalist Tools we know that Today is shockingly close to the word GAY.


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