Martin Luther Backs Socialists: Chapter The Second

June 4, 2010

 

…Continued from Martin Luther Backs Socialists:  Chapter The First

…When we last left off of our tale, our anti-hero and anti-Reagan of our story (Martin Luther) was still supportive of our heros the Peasants (the Original Tea Partiers 4 Jesus), but suddenly though Martin Luther (Jim Wallis’ ancient relative) began to change and things took a turn for the worse. Martin Luther (would be Democrat) began to turn against the Peasants (Tea Partiers 4 Jesus) and slander them in a liberal controled media CNN sort of way  saying that they violated Romans 13 by protesting and rebelling against the Holy Roman Emperor (the Obama of his day) and as we all know protesting and rebellion are of the Devil (unless of course it is the Protestant Rebellion protesting against the divinely appointed authority of the Pope). John MacArthur (a Protestant protester of all things Catholic or even Catholic sounding) sets the record  straight:

Since America seems to be losing its Christian orientation, there are some who believe Christians have a right to protest and break the law. Many Christian leaders are calling for Christians to leave their present ministry and become a part of a new political Christian lobby that uses pressure and social action to effect change. Some are calling for protest and moderate revolution against our government. They say the government is taking freedom away from the church and encroaching on religion. In an effort to save the church’s freedom, myriads of organizations are rising up in our country calling for action against the government. I am amazed at how many evangelical Christians who would have avoided such activity fifteen years ago are now aggressively pursuing the political lobby approach. I’m also amazed at the number of belligerent people who join together on issues of civil authority and civil rights yet who would never find any common ground on the issue of truth. You can find true believers, charlatans, frauds, and false prophets all united for the sake of “religious freedom,” who believe that political lobbying will preserve the Kingdom of God in America. “Now listen to this. It doesn’t matter whether your ruler is Caesar, Herod, Pilate, Felix, Fetus, Agrippa, Stalin, Hitler, Winston Churchill, Bill Clinton, it doesn’t matter who it is, he says be subject, you teach them to be subject.”

But returning back to our tale Martin Luther (an anti-Glenn Beck of his day) was so in bed with Big Brother in trying to take away their God-given  rights and liberties that he said of our heroes the Peasants (Tea Partiers 4 Jesus):

The peasants have taken upon themselves the burden of three terrible sins against God and man; by this they have abundantly merited death in body and soul. In the first place, they have sworn6 to be true and faithful, submissive and obedient, to their rulers, as Christ commands when he says, “Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s” [Luke 20:25]. And Romans 13 [:1] says, “Let every person be subject to the governing authorities.” Since they are now deliberately and violently breaking this oath of obedience and setting themselves in opposition to their masters, they have forfeited body and soul, as faithless, perjured, lying, dis­obedient rascals and scoundrels usually do. St. Paul passed this judgment on them in Romans 13 [:2] when he said that those who resist the authorities will bring a judgment upon themselves. This saying will smite the peasants sooner or later, for God wants people to be loyal and to do their duty.

…anyone who is killed fighting on the side of the rulers may be a true martyr in the eyes of God, if he fights with the kind of conscience I have just described, for he acts in obedience to God’s word. On the other hand, anyone who perishes on the peas­ants’ side is an eternal firebrand of hell, for he bears the sword against God’s word and is disobedient to him, and is a member of the devil.

…The peasants are not content with belonging to the devil themselves; they force and compel many good people to join their devilish league against their wills, and so make them partakers of all of their own wickedness and damnation. Anyone who consorts with them goes to the devil with them and is guilty of all the evil deeds that they commit, even though he has to do this be­cause he is so weak in faith that he could not resist them. A pious Christian ought to suffer a hundred deaths rather than give a hairs­breadth of consent to the peasants’ cause. O how many martyrs could now be made by the bloodthirsty peasants and the prophets of murder!13 Now the rulers ought to have mercy on these pris­oners of the peasants, and if they had no other reason to use the sword with a good conscience against the peasants, and to risk their own lives and property in fighting them, this would be rea­son enough, and more than enough: they would be rescuing and helping these souls whom the peasants have forced into their devilish league and who, without willing it, are sinning so horribly and must be damned. For truly these souls are in purgatory; in­deed, they are in the bonds of hell and the devil.

This is why we now offer this Godly Sanctified non-Heretical non-Worldly Folk Ballad Pure Truth War Reagan Gospel Hymn in their honor—in the honor of the martyrs of the original Tea Party—the Peasants (the Original Tea Partiers 4 Jesus) and in protest against Martin Luther and Big Brother (the Holy Roman Empire—the Original Big Bad Socialist Government):

Tale dast concluded—dast und?


Martin Luther Backs Socialists: Chapter The First

June 2, 2010

 

We are proud to present to you a moment from Discernmentalist Revised History uncut and uncensored: This is a tale about the Original Tea Partiers 4 Jesus and how they revolted against the Big  Bad Government and the Big Name who stood against them and opposed them. The cast of characters include: a bunch of peasants (the Original Tea Partiers 4 Jesus), the Holy Roman Emperor (Big Brother) and the Big Name who stood with Big Brother against the Original Tea Partiers 4 Jesus—that Big Name of course is Martin Luther (evil Neo-Marxist Red-Letter Christian prototype).

Our tale is a tale of sadness and woe; torture and families; the rich and the poor; the old and young; of death and taxes. Our tale begins in 1524 when the Peasants (Tea Partiers 4 Jesus) who were fed up with being heavily taxed decided to rebel (but not in a Romans 13-denying way as Romans 13 doesn’t apply to the rebellions of Conservative Bible-Believers only Liberals and Theologians who lied to Hitler to protect Jews even John MacArthur told us so) against the Holy Roman Emperor (the Big Bad Evil Socialist Government).

At first Martin Luther (our anti-hero and anti-Reagan of this story) agreed that the Peasants (Tea Partiers 4 Jesus) deserved a break from their taxes especially those who were extremely wealthy by Medieval standards (meaning they privately owned at least one cow)—so all the Peasants (Tea Partiers 4 Jesus) drew up a plan to lobby for tax cuts for the richest and most wealthiest among them. I mean why should they have to share their privately owned cattle or any other privately owned property with the government that only protects them and makes them secure. Why should they have to share with anyone for that matter as  sharing is Communism and as we all know:

The Bible mandates free market capitalism. It is anti-socialist. When Christianity adheres to the judicial specifics of the Bible, it produces free market capitalism.

On the other hand, when Christianity rejects the judicial specifics of the Bible, it produces socialism or some politically run hybrid “middle way” between capitalism and socialism, where politicians and bureaucrats make the big decisions about how people’s wealth will be allocated. Economic growth then slows or is reversed. Always.

To be continued in the next exciting part of our installments of  Discernmentalist Revised History—stay tuned for the conclusion of our tale in Martin Luther Backs Socialists: Chapter The Second…


John MacArthur Declared The First Ever Discernmentalist Pope!

May 15, 2010

 

John  MacArthur aka Pope Pyro after being elected to the position of the first ever Pope of Discernmentalists! Photo courtesy of Pyromaniac Archives. Photographer: Ken Silva.

(Annoying News: a  ministry of disseminating misinformation, lies and slander while apprising everyone to follow only the cults of celebrity in the Discernmentalist World )–  Normally we are against all things Roman Catholic except in special circumstances ie. our dependence on Saint Augustine’s interpretation of Aristotelian philosophy or R. C.  Sproul’s love of Aquinas. This is one of those times when these special circumstances may be applied against our normative Absolute Rules. After Discernmentalists  declared John MacArthur 100% infallible by a voting margin of 100-0 this Jan., it was proclaimed that the logical  conclusion of this recent  event was to elect MacArthur the first ever Discernmentalist Pope.

Ken Silva reports: “Indeed the word infallible applied to any person can only signify that one  has elicited the status of Pope-hood other than that infallibility must only be applied to our  Holy Inerrant Bible—the Only True Word of God.” 

Vicki, a typical McArthurite reacts to the news of the election of MacArthur as the first Discernmentalist Pope ever: 

Anyone who disagrees with John MacArthur on any point of Doctrine is just full of arrogance and condensation.

My understanding of the doctrine of election is not at all sinful–John MacArthur told me so.

Trusting too much to history and too little to the teaching of scripture would have left us in Rome–John MacArthur told me so.

There is a price a godly man must pay to be heard, that price is humility and respect.
If a man wants an audience to listen to his doctrine-he would do well to heed the following!

” Remind them to be submissive to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good work, to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people.”
Titus 3:1-3 (ESV).— (Source).

Ken Silva asked Phil Johnson aka Pastor Hugh Jass or Spurgeon’s clone, MacArthur’s flunky lacky hindquarters right-hand man about his boss’s election to Discernmentalist Pope-hood. Phil responded: “Deep down I always knew that this day would come when he (MacArthur) would be elected Pope over all Discernmentalists and the Truth Wars as the #1 Truth Truth Warrior of Absolute Truth. I wholeheartedly support the recent vote on the infallibility of my boss and his election to the office of Discernmentalist Pope.”

Ken Silva pressed the rest of the fine, outstanding, Discernmentalist-minded and Biblically based Pyromaniacs crew: Frank Turk and Dan Phillips et al. on their thoughts but they were unavailable to comment.

————————————————————————-

Ken Silva is the exclusive  author of Annoying News. He is a Master Discerner of all. When he is not discernmentalizing the 99% of humanity who do not agree with him, you can usually  find him preaching to the choir of the small Southern Baptist Church of 8 members that he pastors. Sometimes he uses a Truth Rod–although this may just be a rumor.


Happy Divine Destruction Of The Earth Day!

April 22, 2010

Happy Earth Day. We  Discernmentalists do not believe in such a Worldly and Paganistic Earth-worshipping holiday as Earth Day. Foolish Environmentalists want us to take care of the Earth—what unbiblical nonsense (Genesis 1:26). The Earth is expendable for God in His Absolute Sovereign Wrath will soon enough destroy not only the Earth but the entire universe in these Last Days—that is after He raptures up His predestined Elect. This is why we must take a stand against such an unbiblical apostate and Satanic celebration as Earth Day so  remember these Bible-Based words of  our Pure theme song that we created using Eric Barger’s STRETCH Technology:

Discernmentalists chant: “WASTE!”
“FIRE!”
“TORNADOES!”
“FLOODS!”
“WRATH!”

Discernmentalists then shout: “Go God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath!”

Captain Pollution (John MacArthur) shouts: “By your Discernmentalist powers combined, I am Captain Pollution (John MacArthur)!”

Captain Pollution (John MacArthur), he’s our hero
Gonna take Emergent environmentalism down to zero

 

He’s our Discernmentalist powers magnified
And he’s fighting on God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrathful side

Captain Pollution (John MacArthur), he’s our hero
Gonna take Emergent environmentalism down to zero

Gonna help him put asunder apostates and
Other bad guys who like to spoil our Capitalistic looting and plundering

 

With a sinister jeer Brian McLaren snidely scowls: “You’ll pay for this Captain Pollution (John MacArthur)!”

We’re the Polluteteers
You can be one too
‘Cause self-righteously judging someone’s salvation is the thing to do!

Capitalistic looting and polluting are the Way
Hear what Captain Pollution (John MacArthur) has to say!

Captain Pollution (John MacArthur) triumphantly proclaims this Gospel message: “The Power of God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath will Destroy the Earth!”


Mobile Discernmentalists Unit

March 25, 2010

Recently the Department of Motorized Discernmentalism created a new Highway Discernmentalist Patrol Unit aka the Mobile Discernmentalism Unit or MobDU for short.

MobDU‘s primary tasks are:

  • Discernmentalizing Eco-friendly vehicles
  • Tagging and registering non-gas guzzling vehicles
  • Making sure all vehicles on the road pollute the environment in order to speed up Jesus’ hasty yet sure return, the End Times and the Rapture
  • Checking  to see if all cars have at least one unregenerate reprobated non-Elect heathen on board just in case the Rapture happens soon as those Left Behind will need to man the car
  • Scouting out Emergent Vehicles
  • Alerting Discernmentalists whenever  Brian McLaren’s Monster Truck and Dan Kimball’s Spider Vehicle of Doom are nearby

Among other Discernmentalizing tasks—also meet our new Armored MobDU Patrol Unit for extra protection against Doctrinal Impurities, the Emerging Apostasy, Emergentness and other such Heresies:


Eric Barger Discovers A Warp Hole To A Secret NWO Location In His Own Backyard

March 25, 2010

Recently a black hole appeared in Eric Barger’s own backyard. Upon further investigation our Research Robot Monkeys discernmentalized that the black hole was a warp hole. Not only that but the  warp hole is a warp zone to a secret New World Order location: the Illuminati Party Headquarters. Sending our GOIP Investigating Excavator Research Robot Monkeys into the warp hole to infiltrate the Illuminati Party Headquarters they discovered this:

“Another performance of the AM Jazz ensemble at the Scottish Rite Masonic Center–Eric Barger as vocalist.”  Clearly this proves that Eric Barger is a Secret NWO Agent and Leader.


Breaking News: George W. Bush Undergoes Exorcism

March 1, 2010

“The Power Of Christ Compels You!;” Pope Benedict XVI exorcizes George W. Bush. Photo Courtesy of  the Vatican Archives.

(Take A Stand News Reports)–After much outcry and the aftermath of when Brannon Howse first outed Former False President George W. Bush using these terms:

“I was one of the first conservative talk show hosts to refer to George W. Bush as a socialist and a globalist. Both parties are destroying our country.”

Sources close to the Former Bush Administration say that these charges brought major concerns for the image of the Administration and Inside Sources say that in fact Bush was possessed and inhabited by Red-Letter Christian demons—which seduced him into implementing “socialist and globalist” policies in order to taint the Pure Doctrines Of The American unBiblical Gospel Of Reaganism. These Sources corroborate their conspiracy theoriesnon-factual findings and painstakingly misresearched incriminating evidence to point to the case that Bush was possessed and in need of an exorcism based upon Bush’s interactions with Emerging/Emergent Church “leaders.”

Doug Parris in True Sedewhitehousist fashion  is on record as saying that “this is what happens when people don’t admit that the White House has in fact been vacant since Final President Ronald Reagan left the Office back in 1989 and that the White House since then has been occupied by False Presidents or Anti-Presidents.” (We of God’s Only Inerrant Party  are hoping to remedy this by running a Presidential ticket of Brannon Howse/David Barton in the near future so that we can return America back to it’s unBiblical roots of Absolute Theocracy, God and the Bible,  militarism and imperialism, military security, nationalism, patriotism, unregulated greed Capitalist Materialism Capitalism and Reaganolatry Ronald Reagan.)

Eric Barger reports that “things seem to have gone from bad to worse” so much so that Bush indeed had an Exorcism earlier this weekend to return him to the Reagan fold. Discernmentalists were hoping to get a Protestant exorcist in hopes of having a Pure Exorcism but none could be reached so the Pope had to do despite the clear teachings of Ken Silva against such. Discernmentalists are still waiting to see if the Exorcism did any good.


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