Cater To Militarism

Sandi in the Burbs •a day ago• edited I believe I am correct on this – there are two branches to the Presbyterian church. There is the segment that follows Christ, and there is the segment which wants to cater to homosexuals. Kind of like, if you don’t want to follow Christ, we’ll let you play Christian until you meet Christ.

If Mr. Kim is of the second category, he has no right to call himself an “evangelical“.

However once again we are perfectly fine with churches catering to the US Military. We need more Holy Days to celebrate them in our churches—for bombing our enemies is Truly the Lord’s Work…Amen! All our enemies are sinners and got what was coming to them. We need more American flags in our churches than crosses to help us worship the Prince of Peace. In fact we demand that crosses be removed as they distract focus from our Holy Flag and our Patriotic duty of supporting those Brave Men who fought and died so that we could become Christians. We also demand foreign churches follow suit less they be deemed unworthy of our Great Country’s support and therefore unworthy of our God’s love and pre-damned to Hell.

Dear ODMafia, I have a question….

Dear ODMafia,

I have read the following and therefore this is both a statement and question “Chapter 18 of Revelation contains the heart of John’s critique: (a) the idolatrous worship of the harlot, “fornication,” that demands loyalty and conformity; (b) Babylon’s violence, especially toward people of faith; (c) Babylon’s smug self-glorification and the high value it placed on power; and (d) Babylon’s materialism and unjust economics. When we look critically at the entire experience of the U.S. in the 1991 war against Iraq, we can see many parallels, not the least of which is the practical atheism of U.S. foreign policy. “

Fred Farquier, Iowa

 

Dear Reader,

We are not sure why you would believe such a preposterous thing. We cannot possibly be Babylon! When does the USA call for absolute conformity? I mean when we go to war against Third World Nations….but that is because we are under terrible threat  by such aggressive countries such as Nicaragua, Grenada, Iran, Iraq, Honduras and so on.

Look around we’re really not that materialistic….certainly not as bad as commie countries or totalitarian ones. Besides foreign policy is solely based on the bible. Also, I must strongly caution you (STOP!!!) looking critically with the respect of the two wars in Iraq in both 1991 and 2003…remember they are clearly the bad guys. True bible believing-naturalized-christian-republicans never question war. To question war is to be liberal. Its ok to protest the unborn, just don’t protest against young adults going off to fight for their tribe country by getting their brains blown out. That’s different. We need to fight for whatever lie our government tells us to fight for. Remember Jesus calls us sheep for a reason.

Also keep in mind that in 2003 Iraq was ready to invade and pounce on us at any moment with their military might that had a budget that was slightly smaller than Canada’s. Clearly that is a threat that we must contend with. Keep that in mind the next time you don’t want to go to war.

Affectionately yours,

Truthslayer

A game for the true discernmentalist!

In a new game of discernmentalist fun, Nahtzee is fun for the whole family. In this game you will learn to roll the dice to promote war, fear and characterize immigrants as the cause of all sorts of problems. Rolling numbers like sixes and threes will allow you to advance aggressive foreign policy against poor third world nations and justify it as Christian, Biblical and Scriptural. Moreover, numbers like 2 and 5 will promote greater peace and security by denying the rights of other players in this game. Getting a number ten will allow you to berate and chastise red-letter Christians for being communist. Finally, getting the number four and nine will give you “national security” privileges preventing you from getting caught cheating, lying or any immoral act. Bad will be good, and good will be bad.

Using these carefully crafted techniques will allow a truely biblical discernmentalist to spin truth as he sees fit…and to use it as needed.

Truthslater

Olive Tree Ministries warns of terrorism!

Olive Tree Ministries, a mighty truth-warrior wants to warn Christians about impending Islamic terrorism. As a fellow discernmentalist I’m also concerned about terrorism. BUT….I also want to make sure that our readers are ONLY aware of Islamic terrorism.

When we do things to other countries it is because we are called to hate our enemies, smite them and ignore the New Testament…exactly as Jesus taught us. You see we believers NEED to twist the bible to justify our lust for the goods of other countries…we don’t call that covetousness (too old fashioned) we christen than ‘state interest,’ and Christians should honor the state!

Here are a few God-honouring shananigans (we call them shananigans because terror sounds too harsh) that we need to repeat again and again to make it know that America is Godly.

Operation Infinite Reach….bombing a pharmaceutical factory (ooops) is a good thing to stop the Sudanese from treating their sick and diseased.

Operation Mongoose.…because we’re peace loving and Cuba could have taken over America with their ginormous fleet of fighter-jets…beside this is about fighting communism…and commies are atheists and atheists don’t believe in God anyways. So killing athiests was in our best interests.

Special Removal Units….torture (Old school inquisition torture just like old fashioned Medieval Catholics) because torture brings out the best in everyone…and it must be done for God and country.

Or the over throw of democratically elected countries like Honduras or Guatamala and Iran. This had to be done because some of those countries harboured Roman Catholics…and they were secretly poised to take over America and force us all to worship Mary.  I think knocking off the P.M. of Iran was just a practice run…just to make sure we could!

Then there is Operation Northwoods, but relented and applied bits and parts of this mighty campaign of defending democracy later on! Democracy must be defended…which includes lying  (lying is ok if you believe it!)

The UN suggest this great lie! See Here They are liars because we believe we can torture, kill and send out death squads for betterment of the world! You see Great Britain and other western countries helped out too! Operation Gladio is also a glad reminder !

Remember, we are the good guys. Good guys are guys without sin. We’re not like those  OTHER GUYS guys…the ones in the middle east….you know with the sins!

Thank-you Lord, that we’re not war-mongerers like Islam but we are peace lovers. Thank-you that we are NOT like them.

The ODMafia, doing the thinking so you don’t have too!

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Luke 14: “The Pharisee stood up and prayed about[a] himself: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.”

Be Rapture-Ready for May 21, 2011!

Prepare for May 21st and be Rapture Ready with the Online Discernmentalist Mafia’s handy new RaptureHatch for the roofs of True Churches and the homes of True Regenerate Converts. Doomsday is soon approaching… Don’t get Left Behind with the unregenerate non-Elect heathens… Let John MacArthur confirm you in our Pure Truth War Doctrines and prove that you are indeed Rapture Ready and we’ll install a RaptureHatch on your roof today!

This site (an Online Discernmentalist Mafia partner site) reveals the most complete written, audio, and video Bible teachings which conclusively prove May 21, 2011 to be Judgment Day and The Rapture, and October 21, 2011 to be the end of the world. It is most urgent to examine yourself, whether you are of the Regenerate Elect and therefore are saved.

Love Wins?

         

             A Blog Post by some of the Research Robot Monkeys

                          of the Online Discernmentalist Mafia:

Recently the ultra-mega sinfully ecumenical quasi-semi-Pelagian reprobated and heretical Universalist Emergent guru Rob Bell broke into the OD Mafia Headquarters. “Ho ho;” he said, “I’ve got Good News for you today…Love Wins.”

Alarmed by the disturbance our masters and heroes Dr. I . Todyaso, Dr. Truthslayer and Dr. Don Jobson quickly withdrew their weapons. Now brandishing their bullhorns in the manner of Todd Friel—they began to shout down that vile and Wretched sinner Rob Bell. Our heroes the OD Mafia proclaimed the True Gospel—the good news of God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath and commendable hatred towards all those whose doctrines are impure and theology is incorrect.

All Rob Bell could say was “Love Wins…Love Wins…Love Wins…” Suddenly during the chaos Brian D. “amn your soul to hell” McLaren appeared in a mystical mist of confusion and grabbed the noble crew of the Online Discernmentalist Mafia and then disappeared. We haven’t seen or heard from either Dr. I . Todyaso, Dr. Truthslayer or Dr. Don Jobson ever since—although we suspect that those symbols of all that is evil in the world Rob Bell and Brian McLaren are holding them captive. The last thing we saw was Rob Bell driving off in a van laughing and calmly proclaiming that “Love Wins.”

P. S. If you see an Ice Cream Truck disguised as a traveling ministry with “Love Wins” painted on the side, please report the sighting to your nearest local Discernmentalist church.

            A. J. Research Robot Monkeys filling in for the OD Mafia

The Heart Of The Discernmentalist Gospel

Most of you are going to hell because you were not specially chosen and frozen like We God’s Truth Biblical Elect (Calvinazis) are—so quake now in mortal fear and terror at the horrors that await ye, reprobates, especially if you are Roman Catholic, Arminian, a Pentecostal tongue-babbler, Emergent, queer or even worse all of the above:

P.S. Hell is a “real place” so We’d hate to be all of you reprobates (non-Calvinazis) on the day that you die so remember We tried to lovingly warn you by the Absolute Truth of our Pure Doctrines which have saved Us from an eternity in flames.

P. P. S. This is also warning to Pastorboy aka (Name withheld upon request) to get back in line with our Pure Doctrines.

Precious American Gospel Bible Verses

Any True Christian American Patriot and True Citizen of the Kingdom of God aka America should keep these Bible verses as close to their hearts as their guns and ammunition:

For Christ came to butcher, destroy, bomb and burn our enemies so that they may die more violently. (John MacArthur 10:10).

The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is long-suffering to us-ward, and is willing that all our enemies should perish, so that America may stand forever. (Second Peter Ruckman 3:9).

 For we know Him who said, “VENGEANCE IS OURS TO REPAY.” And again, “AMERICA WILL JUDGE ALL PEOPLE.” sayeth the Lord. (Bob “Hebrews” Jones 10:30).

But I tell you: Hate your enemies and pray an Imprecatory Prayer that God through American Military Might might smite as many of them as possible. (Matthew Ken Silva 5:44).

—All Scriptures  quoted from the 1611 King James Bible the Authorized American Version aka Chuck Norris’ Bible.

We proudly support them…

Taking off where Senator McCarthy should have left alone, we welcome McCarthy Ministries in full partnership with ODMafia. We also believe they if we suspect you of ‘red’ you are probably spiritually dead as well. In fact the only good commie is a dead commie.

How do we define commie?

1) You criticize capitalism

2) You criticize corporations

3) You think sharing your possessions is biblical.

4) You believe that Christians should be socially engaged in aiding the poor.

5) You are not troubled by the word ‘social’ in a sentence.

6) You believe that some form of universal health care could be beneficial.

If you detect any one of these attributes in ministry, friend, family or enemy REPORT them to us at once so that we might discernmentalize them immediately. Remember, we have FOURformidable foes battling the church today; Islam, Emergents, people who use candles in worship and Commies (remember this is absolute biblical truth). We must do our do diligence and fight these enemies. Remember, our weapons are of flesh and blood, in name calling and verbal attacks!

Stay with me friends…we must fight!

Truthslayer

Ken Silva Is UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist!

 

Ken Silva and his Internet Para-Church of the True Remnant star in UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist the newest comedic Sci-Fi Discernmentalist smash hit and Blockbuster of the Summer! Fresh and straight from the creators of Full Mental Jack-@ss. Ken Silva as UltraKen leads his Internet Para-Church of the True Remnant: the Ultra-Discernmentalist Mafia as they sing, they dance and chant in a non-Contemplative way and most importantly they fight off the Babylonian hordes from Emergent Village. Watch as UltraKen and his army of loyal Truth Warriors the Ultra-Discernmentalists take on the evil reptilianoid Tony Jones, the equally evil dragonoid Doug Pagitt and the rest of the Kaiju (怪獣, kaijū)* from the Babylonian hordes of Emergent Village.

UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist features a special guest appearance by Chris Rosebrough of Pirate Radio playing the role of Spider-Pirateman. UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist coming soon this Summer to a theater near you. Itodyaso raves: “UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist contains over 40 times more Ken Silva than either Apprising Ministries or Christian Research Network!” Truthslayer exclaims: “Stupendous!” “A True Biblically Based comedic thrill-ride,” says Arthur McJohn; “my favorite part is when one of the UltraKens threw one of the Anabaptimergent Kaiju (怪獣, kaijū) into a fiery pit and said ‘this should prepare you for your eternal fate.’ I laughed so hard like Jesus ‘I Wept.'”

And now what you’ve all been waiting for the movie trailer—a montage of film clips from UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist of the army of UltraKens singing, dancing, training for battle in the Truth War and chanting in a non-Contemplative way plus some scenes of them fighting off the Babylonian hordes from Emergent Village:

*- Editors’ Note— In normal Japanese : 

Kaiju (怪獣, kaijū^?) is a Japanese word that means “strange beast,” but often translated in English as “monster”. Specifically, it is used to refer to a genre of tokusatsu entertainment. Related terms include kaiju eiga (怪獣映画, kaijū eiga^?, monster movie), a film featuring kaiju, kaijin (怪人^?, referring to roughly humanoid monsters) and daikaiju (大怪獣, daikaijū^?, giant monster), specifically meaning the larger variety of monsters. The most famous kaiju is Godzilla. Other well-known kaiju include Mothra, Anguirus, Rodan, Gamera and King Ghidorah. The term ultra-kaiju is short-hand for monsters in the Ultra Series.

In Yapaknees (a language derived from combining Japanese with Discernmentalese):

Kaiju (怪獣, kaijū) is a Yapaknees word that means “strange Emerging Emergent beast,” but often translated in English as “Emergent monster from the Babylonian hordes” or more simply “Emerging Emergent heretic.” Most Kaiju (怪獣, kaijū) are thought to come from Emergent Village. Two of the most famous kaiju are Tony Jones whose true form is a reptilianoid-type creature  and Doug Pagitt whose true form is a dragonoid-type creature—both featured in the new Discernmentalist Blockbuster Summer movie  UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist. (Source: New World Order Book Encyclopedia-the Discernmentalist Encyclopedia).