We are glad that our baptisms are as meaningless and purposeless as our lives are suppose to be as truly baptism doesn’t save. We are thankful that God has gifted us in this last generation of the End Times with the Greatest Living Teacher of the True Word of God—our very own Protestant Pope of The Truth War—John MacArthur (PBUH) who has come around to correct through Sola Scriptura the Protestant Reformation’s fore-father Martin Luther—the very founder of Sola Scriptura himself 500 years after the fact. Quote:
Faith and repentance are not easy. Submission contradicts the natural disposition of the human heart. And the transforming and sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit is often uncomfortable and difficult.
Salvation would be so much more inviting and enticing to our human understanding if it didn’t require humility, repentance, and the transformation of your entire being. Why can’t it simply be the product of a one-time activity?
For those looking to bypass the difficulty and discomfort of salvation, 1 Peter 3:21 seemingly provides a shortcut in the form of this simple declaration: “Baptism now saves you.” This and a select few other verses are often used to promote “baptismal regeneration”–the view that teaches that one is saved (regenerated) though water baptism. …This interpretation is not true to the facts of Scripture. Throughout the book of Acts, forgiveness is linked to repentance, not baptism.
Discernmentalists rejoice—our Truth War finally has a hymn we can get behind. Hymn #1984 from The Truth War Hymnal—the only known Absolute hymnal for Bible-Believing Conservatives and Internet Discernmentalists everywhere. Here is the version sung by the Internet Discernmentalist Men’s Choir from their hit debut album Hymns Of The Truth War:
JESUS HATES YOU
BY AUGUSTUS TOPLADY XIII, Esquire
Jesus hates you! This We know
For Fatalistic Pre-determinism tells us so
Little ones created just to destroy
All for the sake of God’s Sovereign Jealous joy!
Yes, Jesus hates you
Yes, Jesus hates you
Yes, Jesus hates you
And His Sovereign Wrath abide upon you too
Jesus loves We Truth Warriors, we will win!
For we can’t fall away by sin.
Can’t resist His grace, it’s true,
Died for us but not for you.
Yes, Jesus hates you
Yes, Jesus hates you
Yes, Jesus hates you
And His Sovereign Wrath abide upon you too
All Spiritualizing is just fine.
His body’s trapped at God’s right hand,
Way far off Christ takes His stand
Yes, Jesus loves me
Well, maybe He loves me
I sure hope He loves me
I guess I’ll never know!
Jesus loves me! Where is He?
Up in heaven, can’t you see?
Can’t be sure where I will go
Jesus little lamb, or no?
Yes, Jesus loves me
Well, maybe He loves me
I sure hope He loves me
I guess I’ll never know!
Never pictures will I see,
No vain images for me!
Tear the paintings off the wall,
Trash them, kick them down the hall.
Yes, Jesus loves me
Well, maybe He loves me
I sure hope He loves me
I guess I’ll never know!
Principles that regulate,
All our worship, ain’t they great?
Even if we aren’t too sure,
Which points really are secure.
Yes, Jesus loves me
Well, maybe He loves me
I sure hope He loves me
I guess I’ll never know!
This site (an Online Discernmentalist Mafia partner site) reveals the most complete written, audio, and video Bible teachings which conclusively prove May 21, 2011 to be Judgment Day and The Rapture, and October 21, 2011 to be the end of the world. It is most urgent to examine yourself, whether you are of the Regenerate Elect and therefore are saved.
Any True Christian American Patriot and True Citizen of the Kingdom of God aka America should keep these Bible verses as close to their hearts as their guns and ammunition:
For Christ came to butcher, destroy, bomb and burn our enemies so that they may die more violently. (John MacArthur 10:10).
The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is long-suffering to us-ward, and is willing that all our enemies should perish, so that America may stand forever. (Second Peter Ruckman 3:9).
For we know Him who said, “VENGEANCE IS OURS TO REPAY.” And again, “AMERICA WILL JUDGE ALL PEOPLE.” sayeth the Lord. (Bob “Hebrews” Jones 10:30).
But I tell you: Hate your enemies and pray an Imprecatory Prayer that God through American Military Might might smite as many of them as possible. (Matthew Ken Silva 5:44).
The Christian school you attended was connected to your church/cult, or you were home-schooled. Your church was committed to the “Doctrine of Separation” and strong discipline. You believed Billy Graham was the “bad guy” and that all other churches and religious organizations were disobedient and in “sin.” Your church also controlled nearly every aspect of your life. Your family may have even needed to get permission from the pastor before going on vacation (if you dared leaving in the first place). If you are female (heaven forbid), you most likely wore long skirts and the IFB ODM-Approved modest clothing item known as “culottes” most of your life whenever you went in public (you even went swimming in them).
You may already be in a Truth War-supporting Church if you or your pastor is either for or against any of the following points:
1. “Bus Ministry”
2. “Soul-winning”
3. Gospel tracts
4. King James Onlyism
5. “The Bible says, ‘Touch Not God’s Anointed’ and that means ME!”
6. “Pants on women is sinful!”
7. “Christian Contemporary worship music is demonic!”
8. “Rock music played backwards tells you to kill your parents!”
9. “Going to the cinema is a sin!”
10. “Billy Graham has done more damage to the cause of Christ than any other man alive! He’s a heretic!”
11. Screaming, ranting, and raving pastors
12. Hellfire and brimstone sermons
13. You used to enjoy reading the book, “Me, Obey Him?” and thought the points made about wifely obedience were spot on.
14. “Women are to be in submission and obedient to their husbands at all times!”
15. “Women are to keep silent in the church.”
16. “A woman’s proper place is pregnant, barefoot, and in the kitchen.”
17. “I don’t care if she says she was beaten and molested. She’s just BITTER!”
18. “Well, good, godly men get accused falsely of molestation all the time now-a-days by people who hate what they stand for.”
19. “I don’t care if she was 15 and he was 50, she was well known for wearing provocative clothing. And how do we really know who is telling the truth”?
20. “Black people have the ‘mark of Cain’.”
21. “What do you mean we’re racist? We just ban interracial dating/marriage and use the Bible as our proof text to do so. That’s not ‘racism,’ that’s the BIBLE!”
22. “Any counseling by a professional psychologist is of the devil! I don’t care if they claim to be a Christian. If they are licensed and not a part of our group, they are not godly counselors. They are secular humanists ready and waiting to accuse every good man of doing something wrong. They want to see the destruction of the true church!”
23. You walked the church aisle approximately 15 times to become “born again, again.”
24. You spent tens of thousands of dollars for a college degree that means nothing in your professional field, but you console yourself with the idea that you walked away knowing how to make your bed, take out the trash, hang up your clothes, wear sharp suits and talk a good game.
25. You were beaten bloody, but your “will was never broken.” As a matter of fact, your “will” is stronger now than it ever was and you’re happy about it.
26. Tent/revival meetings
27. The prohibition of dancing (It’s carnal, you know!)
28. Your parents inscripted Bible verses in the wooden “rod” they used to beat you with.
29. Annoying choirs, and special music
30. That darn organ…
31. Alter Calls
32. Tithing…”If you aren’t giving 10% of your income to the church, you’re stealing from the LORD!”
33. The Sinner’s Prayer
34. Street Preaching
35. Protests/picketing with signs that urged people to repent.
36. “College is so much more than getting a degree for a professional career. College is about experiences and learning discipline and training, and who better to train you than us”?
37. “No good Christian needs to learn about things like psychology and feminism! Those are devilish movements!”
38. “We don’t need the governments approval (but, shh, don’t tell anyone in the group that we’re taking their money!).”
39. “Santa is really Satan in disguise!”
40. “Halloween is Lucifer’s day!”
41. “Old Church Hymns only!”
42. “The King James Bible is the perfect, inspired, literal, inerrant word ‘a God, and there isn’t a single translational mistake in it.”
43. “If you aren’t in a King James Bible-believing, Independent Fundamentalist Truly Reformed Calvinist Presbyterian Baptist Church, you are on your way to hell.”
44. You attended what you thought was a University, then realized you got a bogus degree and were shocked to learn that it was nothing more than the “Jones’ Family For Profit Business.”
45. You have an unaccredited “college” degree, which means nothing in the “real world.”
46. “And who cares if the rest of the world goes to college to get a professional/usable degree? If the rest of the world jumped off a bridge, would you want to do that too”?
47. Large families/no birth control
48. Phony Ph.D.s
49. “If you’re gay…get out of here! We don’t want ‘your kind’ around our kids!”
50. Your father/family member has an honorary doctorate from the college/university or institution he works for.
51. Lowest salaries in the US for employees in the IFB. As a matter of fact, now that you think about it, the employees in the IFB make less than the missionaries to Africa that you are currently supporting.
52. Being told, “You’re just bitter” and “not right with God” when you leave.
53. Getting ostracized by your family and friends for leaving the group.
54. You were a guy/girl beaten mercilessly in an unlicensed group home.
55. You ran away from one of these group homes.
56. You were one of the girls sent to a group home for “rebellion,” but all you really wanted was to simply wear a pair of pants.
57. No mixed swimming.
58. Culottes
59. Chick Tracts
60. Patch the Pirate
61. Character Sketches
62.”Steve Green is a wolf in sheep’s clothing.”
63. Patriarchy…keep that woman in her place!
64. You could make four times less than you are making now, while doing four times the work if you decided to go back.
65. You had nightmares as a child from the overused “Left Behind” videos in your church.
66. Dating parlors and super slides (while wearing culottes).
67. and much, much more!
68. You may also fit into the group well if you once attended or were reared/trained under materials available through:
Bob Jones University (Greenville, SC)
Pensacola Christian College (Pensacola, FL)
Hyles-Anderson College (Hammond, IN)
Advanced Training Institute-Bill Gothard
Quiverfull
Vision Forum
Above Rubies
Creation Research Institute
The Wilds Christian Camp
The Bill Rice Ranch
The Roloff Homes
No Greater Joy
69. Your spiritual gurus at one time in your life were most likely:
Bob Jones Jr.
Bob Jones III
John R. Rice
Arlin Horton
Jack Hyles
Jack Schaap
Bill Gothard
Doug Phillips
Kent Hovind
Lester Roloff
Sam Gipp
Bob Gray
Peter Ruckman
Michael Pearl
Ron Comfort
Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar
Stephen l. Anderson
Fred Phelps
or any other man who received a phony doctorate from one of the “colleges/universities” in the IFB.
70. Your Christian school or homeschool curriculum was from:
Bob Jones Press
Abeka Books (Pensacola Christian College)
Advanced Training Institute (Bill Gothard)
School of Tomorrow (ACE)
71. Independent Fundamental Baptist Girls and Boys Group Homes:
Anchor Character Training Center (Iowa)
Calvary Boys Ranch, Boarding Academy (Oklahoma)
Haven of Hope Girls Academy (Maryland)
Happiness Hill Home (Texas)
Heritage Boys Academy (Florida)
Hephzibah House (Indiana)
Joshua Scott Boarding School (West Virginia)
Jubilee Home for Ladies (Texas)
Lighthouse Children’s Home (Missouri)
Marvelous Grace Girls Academy (Alabama)
Reclamation Ranch (Alabama)
Shenandoah Boys Ranch (Tennessee)
Shenandoah Girls Haven (Tennessee)
Shining Light School for Boys (North Carolina)
Victorious Valley Homes (South Carolina)
William Seth Rochester Home for Children (South Carolina)
Willow Valley Boarding Academy and Camp (Ohio)
The Ark Youth Shelther (South Carolina)
New Bethany Boys Home (Alabama)
Typical Anabaptists/Baptists minus the pitchforks, horns and tails. Photo of an actual Baptist Cult CovenChurch service taking place just before they immerse new converts in foul smelling waters after walking down the aisle to the Altar to “make a decision to ask Christ Satan into their hearts;” then drink the blood of the dead as well as steal other peoples’ money to give to the poor. Evilness—sheer evilness! Photo courtesy of Satan.
Finally we’ve nailed that idiot and a farce of a wannabe heretic and fake Christian, Ben Currin aka TheoPoet in the midst of supporting heresy:
“The Anabaptists (Baptists) are only mentioned by name twice, but…they had revived all the ancient heresies about the Holy Trinity and the Person of Christ…. Many of them were Pelagians…. Others claimed that, being regenerate, they were unable to commit sin…. Some depreciated all Scripture and placed themselves above even the Moral Law…. Some denied any need of ordination for Ministers, and claimed that the efficacy of all ministrations depended on the personal holiness of the Minister…. Infant baptism was denied…. All church discipline was repudiated…. Many held strange views about the descent into hell, the nature of the resurrection — and the future life, the ultimate salvation of all men, and millenarianism….. The authority of the State was impugned, and communism demanded.”
We know this is exactly what that idiot False Convert TheoPoet teaches and that he is secretly a “sectarian landmarkist” who hates our Pure Doctrines just look at the description of his apostate Blog:
“TheoPoetic Musings: RANDOM THEOLOGICAL THOUGHTS FROM AN ECUMENICAL POSTMODERN RADICAL REFORMED ARMINIAN NEO-ORTHODOX BARTHIAN MODERATE PROGRESSIVE TO LIBERAL BAPTIST PERSPECTIVE (OH AND SOME POETRY AND LYRICS,TOO) “—if that doesn’t smack of Pure Evil and divisive sectarianism then you must be “spiritually blind” and of the devil as well. Anyone who calls themself a Baptist, an Anabaptist or both or even says anything slighty positive about these “obstinate pig-dogs” should have their very salvation called into question. We Know that Spurgeon (a TrulyReformed Baptist Landmarkist Calvinist Christian) never had anything positive to say about Baptists nor Anabaptists as he believed and taught nothing but our Pure Doctrines. Anyone who is an Anabapist/Baptist is by default wrong as only We have the right to claim True Theology and True Church History:
Are you ready? Here is our list of what one must do to be ready in order to prepare for the blessed rapture:
Unconditionally support every act of Israel even their acts of terrorism
Unconditionally support USA-brand Imperialism
Vote Obama and every Democrat out of office
Smoke a Spurgeon-approved cigar
Buy 667 copies of John MacArthur’s book The Truth War: Fighting for Certainty in an Age of Deception and leave one copy everywhere you go just in case one of the regenerate predestined Elect accidently stumbles upon a copy and awakens to their status of being among the regenerate predestined Elect
Outlaw all abortion and homosexuality
Use only a King James AV1611 Bible or ESV
Burn any copy of Rick Warren’s Purpose Driven Life, Brian McLaren’s books or any other Emergent type book that you come across preferably while performing a Bible-Based animal sacrifice or while burning Emergent heretics themselves
Read only the Online Discernmentalist Mafia, The Official Blog Of God’s Only Inerrant Party, Ken Silva and other ODMs to get your facts]
Continue to be ever-vigilant and ever-valiant in your stand for our Absolute Biblical Truth
Recently our Research Robot Monkeys discovered shocking and startling information about Chris Rosebrough in the form of a comment left on his site by one Squirleywrath. Squirleywrath uses a Masonic symbol for his avatar yet Chris Rosebrough never censored this eventhough Freemasons are the secret agents of the New World Order. Given these facts our Research Robot Monkeys can only conclude that Chris Rosebrough secretly supports the New World Order himself. We have Absolute Proof—behold the evidence speaks for itself:
Shame on you Chris! You should know better than to leave NWO symbols unfiltered and uncensored on your site. We would never do such a thing given the problems with Freemasonry as noted by the top agency of a panel of our brightest researchmentalists:
The Eight Problems With Freemasonry
1. The prevalent use of offensive concepts, titles, and terms such as “Worshipful Master” for the leaders of the lodge; references to their buildings as “mosques,” “shrines,” or “temples”; and the use of such words as “Abaddon” and Jah-Bul-On,” the so-called secret name of God. To many, these terms are not only offensive but sacrilegious.
2. The use of archaic, offensive rituals and so-called “bloody oaths” or “obligations,” among those being that promised by the Entered Apprentice: [listed in original] or that of the Fellow Craft degree: [listed in original] Or that of the Master Mason: [listed in original] Or that of other advanced degrees with required rituals considered by many to be pagan and incompatible with Christian faith and practice. Even though these oaths, obligations and rituals may or may not be taken seriously by the initiate, it is inappropriate for a Christian to “sincerely promise and swear,” with a hand on the Holy Bible, any such promises or oaths, or to participate in any such pagan rituals.
3. The recommended readings in pursuance of advanced degrees, of religions and philosophies, which are undeniably pagan and/or occult, such as much of the writings of Albert Pike, Albert Mackey, Manly Hall, Rex Hutchins, W.L. Wilmhurst and other such authors; along with their works, such as Morals and Dogma, A Bridge to Light, An Encyclopedia of Freemasonry and The Meaning of Masonry.
4. The reference to the Bible placed on the altar of the lodge as the “furniture of the lodge,” comparing it to the square and compass rather than giving it the supreme place in the lodge.
5. The prevalent use of the term “light” which some may understand as a reference to salvation rather than knowledge or truth.
6. The implication that salvation may be attained by one’s good works, implicit in the statement found in some Masonic writings that “Masonry is continually reminded of that purity of life and conduct which is necessary to obtain admittance into the Celestial Lodge above where the Supreme Architect of the Universe presides.” (LA Monitor, page 79) Even though many Masons understand that the “purity of life and conduct” can only be achieved through faith in Jesus Christ, others may be led to believe they can earn salvation by living a pure life with good conduct.
7. The heresy of Universalism (the belief all people will eventually be saved), which permeates the writings of many Masonic authors, which is a doctrine inconsistent with New Testament teaching.
8. The refusal of most lodges (although not all) to admit for membership African Americans.
(As reported by the Home Missions Board, SBC, 1350 Spring Street NW, Atlanta, GA 30367-5601)
We all must take a stand and come against this abomination so along with Ken Silvawe ask that “If you have been blessed by this ministry, which seeks to educate and warn people, so that they can see the coming New World Order — Kingdom of Antichrist — in their daily news, then we need your support to stay on the Internet. The sword is coming, and coming both quickly and with enormous power. But, most people, including most Christians, do not see it coming. Will you be a “Watchman On The Wall” with us?”
…When we last left off of our tale, our anti-hero and anti-Reagan of our story (Martin Luther) was still supportive of our heros the Peasants (the Original Tea Partiers 4 Jesus), but suddenly though Martin Luther (Jim Wallis’ ancient relative) began to change and things took a turn for the worse. Martin Luther (would be Democrat) began to turn against the Peasants (Tea Partiers 4 Jesus) and slander them in a liberal controled media CNN sort of way saying that they violated Romans 13 by protesting and rebelling against the Holy Roman Emperor (the Obama of his day) and as we all know protesting and rebellion are of the Devil (unless of course it is the Protestant Rebellion protesting against the divinely appointed authority of the Pope). John MacArthur (a Protestant protester of all things Catholic or even Catholic sounding) sets the record straight:
Since America seems to be losing its Christian orientation, there are some who believe Christians have a right to protest and break the law. Many Christian leaders are calling for Christians to leave their present ministry and become a part of a new political Christian lobby that uses pressure and social action to effect change. Some are calling for protest and moderate revolution against our government. They say the government is taking freedom away from the church and encroaching on religion. In an effort to save the church’s freedom, myriads of organizations are rising up in our country calling for action against the government. I am amazed at how many evangelical Christians who would have avoided such activity fifteen years ago are now aggressively pursuing the political lobby approach. I’m also amazed at the number of belligerent people who join together on issues of civil authority and civil rights yet who would never find any common ground on the issue of truth. You can find true believers, charlatans, frauds, and false prophets all united for the sake of “religious freedom,” who believe that political lobbying will preserve the Kingdom of God in America. “Now listen to this. It doesn’t matter whether your ruler is Caesar, Herod, Pilate, Felix, Fetus, Agrippa, Stalin, Hitler, Winston Churchill, Bill Clinton, it doesn’t matter who it is, he says be subject, you teach them to be subject.”
But returning back to our tale Martin Luther (an anti-Glenn Beck of his day) was so in bed with Big Brother in trying to take away their God-given rights and liberties that he said of our heroes the Peasants (Tea Partiers 4 Jesus):
The peasants have taken upon themselves the burden of three terrible sins against God and man; by this they have abundantly merited death in body and soul. In the first place, they have sworn6 to be true and faithful, submissive and obedient, to their rulers, as Christ commands when he says, “Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s” [Luke 20:25]. And Romans 13 [:1] says, “Let every person be subject to the governing authorities.” Since they are now deliberately and violently breaking this oath of obedience and setting themselves in opposition to their masters, they have forfeited body and soul, as faithless, perjured, lying, disobedient rascals and scoundrels usually do. St. Paul passed this judgment on them in Romans 13 [:2] when he said that those who resist the authorities will bring a judgment upon themselves. This saying will smite the peasants sooner or later, for God wants people to be loyal and to do their duty.
…anyone who is killed fighting on the side of the rulers may be a true martyr in the eyes of God, if he fights with the kind of conscience I have just described, for he acts in obedience to God’s word. On the other hand, anyone who perishes on the peasants’ side is an eternal firebrand of hell, for he bears the sword against God’s word and is disobedient to him, and is a member of the devil.
…The peasants are not content with belonging to the devil themselves; they force and compel many good people to join their devilish league against their wills, and so make them partakers of all of their own wickedness and damnation. Anyone who consorts with them goes to the devil with them and is guilty of all the evil deeds that they commit, even though he has to do this because he is so weak in faith that he could not resist them. A pious Christian ought to suffer a hundred deaths rather than give a hairsbreadth of consent to the peasants’ cause. O how many martyrs could now be made by the bloodthirsty peasants and the prophets of murder!13 Now the rulers ought to have mercy on these prisoners of the peasants, and if they had no other reason to use the sword with a good conscience against the peasants, and to risk their own lives and property in fighting them, this would be reason enough, and more than enough: they would be rescuing and helping these souls whom the peasants have forced into their devilish league and who, without willing it, are sinning so horribly and must be damned. For truly these souls are in purgatory; indeed, they are in the bonds of hell and the devil.
This is why we now offer this Godly Sanctified non-Heretical non-Worldly Folk Ballad Pure Truth War Reagan Gospel Hymn in their honor—in the honor of the martyrs of the original Tea Party—the Peasants (the Original Tea Partiers 4 Jesus) and in protest against Martin Luther and Big Brother (the Holy Roman Empire—the Original Big Bad Socialist Government):
This is a great hymn which teaches the Pure Truth War Gospel of God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath towards the 99% of humanity He chose not to limit His atonement for. And remember: “Stop prayin,’ stop prayin,’ God will not hear you anymore” as if God ever listened to all of you unrepentant unregenerate reprobated sinners to begin with. God hears not the prayers of the reprobate, for God hates you so much that He chose to destroy and eternally burn you in hell before you were ever born— but if you are like us Predestined and of the Regenerate Elect and therefore able to repent, you may repent if you wish—but repentance is unecessary and not required of the Elect, for we are already “Once Saved Always Saved” no matter what.
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Dude! This is a satire site!
Before you get all bent out of shape, please realize this is a satire site spoofing the so-called "discernment ministries" who deem themselves more worthy of Grace than the rest of us. So read and have fun! BTW, we are not against "good" discernment ministries that do actual real research and extend grace to others, only the bad ones.
Posted by donjobson 
DJ
donjobson
itodyaso
seymorespurgeon
truthslayer
Will Farel XV
itodyaso.wordpress.com 
