Discernmentlist Apprentice!

October 11, 2019

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Introducing the newest show on Discernmentalist networks: Discenmentalist Apprentice starring our Most Biblical and Godly President ever Donald J. Trump as he preaches the Gospel of the Total Depravity of everyone but himself and discernmentalists. All while searching for America’s Next Top Discernmentalists. Who better for the role than the only man to pass the Way of the Master’s Are You A Good Person? test with flying colors (other than Jesus): “I like to be good. I don’t like to have to ask for forgiveness. And I am good. I don’t do a lot of things that are bad. I try to do nothing that is bad.”—our Messiah President Donald J. Trump.

Tyrone Hoofendorfer would be proud as—just like President Donald J. Trump—Hoofendorfer’s Law of Discernmentalism states:

Paul Haggis says his reason for leaving the church is their support of Prop. 8. That would be one of the very few reasons I support this church. Homosexuals and homosexuality need to go back in the closet. They should NOT be proud of themselves. Homosexuality is a reprehensible sin. A lot of you will complain and call me names. I don’t care. I KNOW that YOU are the sinners, NOT ME!!!”

In fact we know that President Donald J. Trump is among us sinless Elect!

 


Pray To A Plant: Get Saved!

September 24, 2019

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The latest threat against our Gospel of Total Depravity and the taint of Original Sin in all of Creation from the Purpose Seeker Driven Emergence Quasi-Universalist Cult of Liberal Christianity is plant worship. Yes plant worship! How dare these purpose seekers deny the Total Depravity of Creation and the stain of Original Sin in all of nature by confessing their sins in the midst of plants.

Its as if they truly believe that God is everywhere and in all things as per Romans 8:18-30 so:

If we don’t want our churches turning into prayer-halls to shrubs and plants; if we don’t want our children crafting idols out of creation, then we need to make sure that our Bible Colleges have suitable gardeners who are using the right tools. There is only one seed God gives, that is his word as found in the explanations and study notes of  John MacArthur’s Study Bible (PBUI). There is only one seed which produces life, that is bearing mental assent to the Gospel of Calvinistic Soteriology perfectly articulated and accurately proclaimed fully in all of it’s illustrious and glorious points as professed and ascribed by our Pope John MacArthur (PBUH).

Besides that the only idol worthy of our church sanctuaries is the American flag—Sola Gloria to our military might! We should daily be confessing our sins of lapsed Patriotism by tearfully placing our hands upon our hearts and pledging allegiance to our Holy Flag—and mightily thanking our soldiers for invading other people’s countries and defending our freedom to worship.

Anyways we have reason to suspect Rob Bell is behind this latest threat as he already believes shaking hands with the Pope saves you so why not add praying to plants via guilt by association in the growing list of his many heresies.


Migrants deserve to die declare Extra Super Pro-Life Christians for Torture Camps

September 10, 2019

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“Holding pictures of migrant children who have died in U.S. custody….” How many children died in your town/city today because they had no person caring for them? How many of them were raped? How many of them are sick, drug addicted, waiting for the next person with money to have sex with them?
Hypocrites – you don’t take care of your own and make a spectacle of caring for others who have chosen to break the law?
How many babies have you aborted, piece by piece, cutting them up in the mother’s womb, or sucking them up into a machine? Helps one to feel altruistic when you bring foreigners into it though, eh?

Or maybe it is people being deluded that if they wilfully break the law, someone may care about them for a period, while neglecting those in need in their own country. Smacks of hypocrisy to me, as they have their pictures taken, neglecting young boys on the street being raped.

We here at the ODMafia agree as all these migrants are nothing but law breaking criminals who deserve to be punished for their crimes against humanity in crossing our God-ordained border. Laws such as:

The United States recognizes the right of asylum for individuals as specified by international and federal law. A specified number of legally defined refugees, who are not eligible to apply for asylum from inside the U.S., that have applied for refugee status through the U.N., are admitted annually.

If migrants didn’t want to die then they should’ve stayed behind in their own country or at least have the decency to have chosen to be born in the Only Exceptionally Great Country like Ours instead of their hellhole countries to begin with—they get what they deserve. Millions love our country—millions want to come to our country as they love our way of life—nobody loves these migrant countries nor want to go to them—that should tell you something and why we don’t need them here.  USA…USA…USA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Steve Bannon warns on migrant loving liberal socialist Christians:

Why can’t these liebrals follow good Capitalists like JPII and Saint Ronald Reagan?


“Guns and Deporting People Rob God’s Sovereignty but only Abortion should be Opposed”: says Doug Wilson.

September 6, 2019

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Guns annihilate the miraculous creation of life that is God’s gift to every person. Guns disregard the process of creation that God engineered for bringing new life full circle. Guns rob God of His Sovereignty in dispensing life and death. Guns rob God of the pleasure He derives from seeing His children grow in faith and grace. And guns rob God of lifetimes of glory and praise that would have honored Him.

Remember that anything of man is man-centered and not of God. Inanimate objects are of man/idolatry and take our focus off of God and His Absolute sovereignty over all things including every speck of dust blowing in the wind. God pre-determines all things and is jealous and won’t see His glory robbed—for trust in anything other than God and His Absolute sovereignty is man-worshipping Armenianism—the road to Rome.

Another robbery of God’s Absolute control over all things including migrating people is fear. Just like fearfully clinging to one’s guns for self-defense rather than trusting in God’s Absolute Sovereignty alone—fearfully deporting migrants; immigrants; refugees; et al also robs God of His Glory. Bible verses on this:

Psalm 27:1 New Revised Standard Version (NRSV)—

Triumphant Song of Confidence Of David.-

The Lord is my light and my salvation;
    whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold[a] of my life;
    of whom shall I be afraid?

And: Matthew 10:28 New Revised Standard Version (NRSV)—

28 Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell.[a]

Elsewhere Thug Wilson has admitted that neither abortion nor gun control will work as if you outlaw either one only outlaws will have them and that we should stop blaming inanimate objects that are both legal and Constitutionally protected. We mightily thank Thug for proving that pro-gun anti-abortionist anti-migrant Conservative Calvinist neo-Confederate patriarchal  rape apologist windbags are neither pro-life; pro-love nor pro-God’s Absolute sovereignty over and in all things. What’s next will Thug say we have free will to choose our lifestyles….ha. Will he remove the T from TULIP? We’re beginning to think none really trust that God is in Absolute control nor in the Sovereignty of God over all things in which they pretend to believe is the Holiest of all  doctrines.

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Man Refuses to Drive “No God” Bus

August 29, 2019

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SoL is on the case again when they describe one Ron Heather, a bus driver in England who refused to drive a bus that was emblazoned with atheist slogans. SoL noted “Three cheers and a Slice Salute to Mr. Heather for taking a stand.” We at the Online Discernmentalist Mafia also applaud Ron Heather for making Christians everywhere look like morons. Our research robot monkey was on hand to comment “Whenever Christians can protest over non essential drivel or complete stupidly we are fully there to support them!”

 Come on people let’s Take A Stand!…

Truthslayer


The Sickness in Discernmentalist Ministries

August 17, 2019

D4j7hMhW0AAWruJBecome  a part of the Deformed and Discernmentalist Southern Baptist unTwitterati Cabal today by mocking those who have fallen gravely ill. We are now accepting applicants. If you feel the current evangelical leadership (JD Greear, Russell Moore, Al Molher, Beth Moore, Tim Keller, etc.) are becoming evil libruls because they’re starting to acknowledge the existence of racial disparities in the criminal justice system—you’ll fit right in with us.

Just like Pastor Gabe we Discernmentalists believe sickness is a symptom of lifelong sin. We also believe we should be discernmentalizing 24/7—finding a new heretic of the week:

As a former news-junkie, I’ve often lamented the advent of 24/7 news. It has done more harm to journalism than any school of journalism (with all of their agendas) could have ever accomplished. Today, 24/7 news has created a feeding frenzy around every speculation, hearsay, possible motive, or misspoken word. The men and women formerly called journalists have an audience waiting to hear something new, and the industry demands that our network get it out before your network. So, rather than well-researched facts, so-called journalists are spitting out every kind of agenda-based opinion, to the point that fake news has become “a thing.” Have you notice how many “breaking news alerts” you hear on the 24/7 news channels? Events that have been scheduled for weeks are “breaking news.” Why the hyperbole? It is because of the feeding frenzy.

Discernment ministry has grown to this level as well. Those who have built their ministry around this work now have a constituency that they must feed. There is an expectation that the so-called discerners bring forth a new heretic of the week. After all, we already know about the other heretics, we’ve left their teaching, we are bored with them, and we’ve already posted the warnings on social media. But this is a new day, and discernment ministries have an empty blog and a silent podcast to fill.

The world is full of liberal sickos and they’re all out to get us. We’d like to thank Pastor Gabe for helping us spread the Discernmentalist Gospel.


China’s Official “Protestant” Church Helps Persecute True Believers While American Believers Complicit in Supporting Invasion In Iraq Ruled OK

August 10, 2019

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Our faithful Truth Warriors spreading our ways…SOL News

SOL Blast from the Past News Reprints— Slice of Laodicea recently sent reports to China to investigate the Official Protestant Church in China that seeks to persecute true believers. SoL notes “Maybe Franklin Graham can explain his own widely hailed participation with the communist “church” when he preached at a communist “megachurch” back in May of 2008.” ODMafia however was excited that so many evangelicals backed the capitalistic government of America by providing over 1 million Iraqi’s a free ticket to a grisly death thru bombs and mortars in the name of freedom and democracy. ODMafia’s expert robot research monkey’s were quoted as saying “we think that invasions of foreign lands and the maiming of others in the name of spreading democracy is bible approved….as long as it is us doing it and not the Iraqi’s.”

 We at the Online Discernmentalist Mafia approve of any and all invasions of foreign countries as long as it is OUR side that is doing the invading and destroying…because it is bible based!…and they are wretched unbelievers!


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