October 11, 2019
Introducing the newest show on Discernmentalist networks: Discenmentalist Apprentice starring our Most Biblical and Godly President ever Donald J. Trump as he preaches the Gospel of the Total Depravity of everyone but himself and discernmentalists. All while searching for America’s Next Top Discernmentalists. Who better for the role than the only man to pass the Way of the Master’s Are You A Good Person? test with flying colors
(other than Jesus): “I like to be good. I don’t like to have to ask for forgiveness. And I am good. I don’t do a lot of things that are bad. I try to do nothing that is bad.”— our Messiah President Donald J. Trump.
Tyrone Hoofendorfer would be proud as—just like President Donald J. Trump—Hoofendorfer’s Law of Discernmentalism states:
Paul Haggis says his reason for leaving the church is their support of Prop. 8. That would be one of the very few reasons I support this church. Homosexuals and homosexuality need to go back in the closet. They should NOT be proud of themselves. Homosexuality is a reprehensible sin. A lot of you will complain and call me names. I don’t care. I KNOW that YOU are the sinners, NOT ME!!!”
In fact we know that President Donald J. Trump is among us sinless Elect!
September 6, 2019
Guns annihilate the miraculous creation of life that is God’s gift to every person. Guns disregard the process of creation that God engineered for bringing new life full circle. Guns rob God of His Sovereignty in dispensing life and death. Guns rob God of the pleasure He derives from seeing His children grow in faith and grace. And guns rob God of lifetimes of glory and praise that would have honored Him.
Remember that anything of man is man-centered and not of God. Inanimate objects are of man/idolatry and take our focus off of God and His Absolute sovereignty over all things including every speck of dust blowing in the wind. God pre-determines all things and is jealous and won’t see His glory robbed—for trust in anything other than God and His Absolute sovereignty is man-worshipping Armenianism—the road to Rome.
Another robbery of God’s Absolute control over all things including migrating people is fear. Just like fearfully clinging to one’s guns for self-defense rather than trusting in God’s Absolute Sovereignty alone—fearfully deporting migrants; immigrants; refugees; et al also robs God of His Glory. Bible verses on this:
Psalm 27:1 New Revised Standard Version (NRSV)—
Triumphant Song of Confidence Of David.-
1 The Lord is my light and my salvation;
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life;
of whom shall I be afraid?
And: Matthew 10:28 New Revised Standard Version (NRSV)—
28 Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell.
Elsewhere Thug Wilson has admitted that neither abortion nor gun control will work as if you outlaw either one only outlaws will have them and that we should stop blaming inanimate objects that are both legal and Constitutionally protected. We mightily thank Thug for proving that pro-gun anti-abortionist anti-migrant Conservative Calvinist neo-Confederate patriarchal rape apologist windbags are neither pro-life; pro-love nor pro-God’s Absolute sovereignty over and in all things. What’s next will Thug say we have free will to choose our lifestyles….ha. Will he remove the T from TULIP? We’re beginning to think none really trust that God is in Absolute control nor in the Sovereignty of God over all things in which they pretend to believe is the Holiest of all doctrines.
August 29, 2019
SoL is on the case again when they describe one Ron Heather, a bus driver in England who refused to drive a bus that was emblazoned with atheist slogans. SoL noted “Three cheers and a Slice Salute to Mr. Heather for taking a stand.” We at the Online Discernmentalist Mafia also applaud Ron Heather for making Christians everywhere look like morons. Our research robot monkey was on hand to comment “Whenever Christians can protest over non essential drivel or complete stupidly we are fully there to support them!”
Come on people let’s Take A Stand!…
August 17, 2019
Become a part of the Deformed and Discernmentalist Southern Baptist unTwitterati Cabal today by mocking those who have fallen gravely ill. We are now accepting applicants. If you feel the current evangelical leadership (JD Greear, Russell Moore, Al Molher, Beth Moore, Tim Keller, etc.) are becoming evil libruls because they’re starting to acknowledge the existence of racial disparities in the criminal justice system—you’ll fit right in with us.
Just like Pastor Gabe we Discernmentalists believe sickness is a symptom of lifelong sin. We also believe we should be discernmentalizing 24/7—finding a new heretic of the week:
As a former news-junkie, I’ve often lamented the advent of 24/7 news. It has done more harm to journalism than any school of journalism (with all of their agendas) could have ever accomplished. Today, 24/7 news has created a feeding frenzy around every speculation, hearsay, possible motive, or misspoken word. The men and women formerly called journalists have an audience waiting to hear something new, and the industry demands that our network get it out before your network. So, rather than well-researched facts, so-called journalists are spitting out every kind of agenda-based opinion, to the point that fake news has become “a thing.” Have you notice how many “breaking news alerts” you hear on the 24/7 news channels? Events that have been scheduled for weeks are “breaking news.” Why the hyperbole? It is because of the feeding frenzy.
Discernment ministry has grown to this level as well. Those who have built their ministry around this work now have a constituency that they must feed. There is an expectation that the so-called discerners bring forth a new heretic of the week. After all, we already know about the other heretics, we’ve left their teaching, we are bored with them, and we’ve already posted the warnings on social media. But this is a new day, and discernment ministries have an empty blog and a silent podcast to fill.
The world is full of liberal sickos and they’re all out to get us. We’d like to thank Pastor Gabe for helping us spread the Discernmentalist Gospel.
August 10, 2019
Our faithful Truth Warriors spreading our ways…SOL News
SOL Blast from the Past News Reprints— Slice of Laodicea recently sent reports to China to investigate the Official Protestant Church in China that seeks to persecute true believers. SoL notes “Maybe Franklin Graham can explain his own widely hailed participation with the communist “church” when he preached at a communist “megachurch” back in May of 2008.” ODMafia however was excited that so many evangelicals backed the capitalistic government of America by providing over 1 million Iraqi’s a free ticket to a grisly death thru bombs and mortars in the name of freedom and democracy. ODMafia’s expert robot research monkey’s were quoted as saying “we think that invasions of foreign lands and the maiming of others in the name of spreading democracy is bible approved….as long as it is us doing it and not the Iraqi’s.”
We at the Online Discernmentalist Mafia approve of any and all invasions of foreign countries as long as it is OUR side that is doing the invading and destroying…because it is bible based!…and they are wretched unbelievers!