November 3, 2019
ON SALE NOW FOR 2+2 DOLLARS: THAT’S ONLY $10 A REAL VALUE!
Dr. Paul McCain continues to allow his emotions to skew his exegesis of Scripture when he disagrees with Discernmentalists’
misinterpretation of: “Here is the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!” In fact we believe he isn’t Protestant at all just like Luther who as we all know began the Protestant Reformation. Many believe Luther was Reformed but as we’ve Discernmentalized Luther didn’t hold True to the Purity of Discernmentalist Doctrine as he shaved his beard off and celebrated Christmas and Easter also against our Clear Teachings on their Pagan Catholic origins. Dr. McCain is theologically suspect as well as he writes in Double Presdestination:
Ah, yes, the wonderfully reassuring Calvinist doctrine of God choosing some He
created to roast in hell.
Ok, kids, now get out your decoder rings, we
are going to read the Bible Calvinist style! Ready….here we go.
… dial in the code and you will see that really that word is “some”
“World” … dial in that code and you will see that word is really “some
of the world.”
You get the picture.
You see there he attacked the Truth of our Pure Doctrines. Thankfully we Discernmentalists have our Secret Decoder Rings handy so we know that all means some and world means Elect. We also have Discernmentalized through our rings that 2 +2=10. We wonder is Dr. McCain secretly a selachophile? Anyways you now can buy our Secret Decoder Rings—available at fine Discernmentalist stores in the US only! Never lack in knowing the right answer… always be prepared. Our Rings will make sure you hold True to the Right Doctrines! These Rings do so much more than change κόσμος (universe) to ἐκλεκτός (Elect)/ἐκκλησία (assembly) or πᾶς (all) to ὀλίγοι (few)—they also help Discernmentalists decode secret heresies within our many enemies. Never leave home without one…order soon limited quantities available…
Act now and receive one free with every copy of our Revised Discernmentalist Draft Codebook of Biblical Languages and get a free Truly Reformed Mathematics Cheat-book with every purchase for only 9 + 9 dollars: that’s a $18 value for only $12—Rings included!
June 24, 2019
Bibliophile in the midst of his sinister act
We’ve already apprised you on God’s Only Inerrant Party that while he was working with us on our de-sinned Arthur episode that Ray Comfort warned us that Bibliophiles are the latest threat in the atheist assault on Bible-Believers. “If you call any other Christian on this page a ‘bibliophile’ I will ban you. I thought it was just another atheist insult, a cross between pedophile and Bible.”—Ray Comfort. Its worse than that though as our Herescopes have discovered a more sinister definition of Bibliophiles that is not an atheist insult.
Recently our Research Robot Monkey spies using our Herescopes have observed a Bibliophile in the midst of the act that fits our newly discovered definition: “a book lover (most likely atheists ie. Disney) assaulting our children with strange books or their love of books. Librarians are also suspect in this.” [This is why we’ve forbidden our wives and children from going to the library or even looking at one (even our own Discernmentalist libraries)].
Mrs. Truthslayer and Mrs. Jobson wanted us to add that not only are these strange books but they are scary as well—after hearing us talk about some of these strange and heretical Emergent books we’ve been discernmentalizing. They have no other choice as they agree with us in our Doctrines. They contain such scary information that we can only flee in horror—fearing and quaking in terror from only briefly glancing at it. In fact our wives were heard screaming as they heard us talking about the spiritually terrorizing information contained within these apostate Emergent books—information such as:
- “I see the world through the images of Christianity, which teaches me that I encounter God in everyone I meet regardless of what they believe.”—Alan Jones
- “Since the church has been one of the main perpetrators of parental fear-mongering, it’s only fair we take up the cause of creating a culture of parenting that is less about what we don’t want for our children and more about what we do want.”—Doug Pagitt
We suspect this is part of the reason that Ray Comfort considers Bibliophile an atheist insult. We too consider it an insult after researchmentalizing this vulgar word even further which is why we had to add it to the Second Volume of our Discermentalist Dictionary. Setting the record straight we Online Discernmentalists thankfully are not—I repeat not Bibliophiles—let alone book-lovers but we do love our Bible! On a related note: we’re now offering a special sale on some of our favorite Discernmentalist books.
Books we especially love most of all:
- Truth Wars: Fighting for our certainty in an age of deception (the book that stared it all)
- Hell best kept secrets (taught us fear and guilt evangelism)
May 19, 2019
The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed this prayer:
‘I thank you, God, that I am not a HERETIC like everyone else. For my theological doctrines are pure (American & conservative), I pray 3 times a day (unlike my Muslim enemies who pray excessively at 5 prayers), I refuse to address social justice (because that sounds too my like socialism), I attack anyone who critiques capitalism (because consumerism, accumulation & exploitation) has nothing to do with the good news (and unAmerican). I also criticize anyone who speaks against militarism by calling them commies and liberals…because I am thankful to be alone in holding up the absolute biblical truth.
Finally ….I thank-you that I go from church to church to speak against other believers & calling them false teachers, heretics and apostates.”
Hunting down heretics and spotting heresies in our many enemies for your protection,
Truthslayer out (as in outing heretics)!
May 3, 2019
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