July 2, 2010
I the mighty Truthslayer (defender of truth and all things pure) have been forced to stoop to the level of an ape to talk with a monkey. ODMafia fans, please do not shed too many tears for MY persecution, attacks and difficult questions posited by this “BIBLE MONKEY.” We are told that true truth warriors would be persecuted, EVEN martyrred for spurious and underhanded tricks by satan’s minions.
It just so happens that Bible Monkey is an avowed emergent….and we know that all emergents act, smell, talk and think the same way. That is why I know that Bible Monkey is another way of saying that he supports evolution. That’s right folks…Bible Monkey has stooped to an all time low and is secretly trying to bring evolution into the church (ie sinister plot uncovered and exposed). In these last days we are told that evildoers would come into the church and introduce bible monkeys and social justice.
We need to TAKE A STAND and fight back. Contact every mighty truth warrior ministry (Brannon Howse, Apprising, Take A Stand, Slice of Laodicea, Herescope, Discerning The World and more) today and let them know the truth. Get the word out! We need to stop this menace before it gets any worse!
It is possible that Bible Monkey may also be a Democrat (you heard it here first).
PS I have no doubt that John Armstrong, Rob Bell and NT Wright likely support this heretical horde. Also note that we will have a DVD out next week to expose the evil plot against the church.
May 29, 2010
I just heard a sermon that suggests that when someone hates you are are to assess your own life first! In other words remove the plank before splinters. Be humble in your disposition, apologize if possible. This some how seems off or anti-discernmentalist and therefore anti-biblical….what do you think?
Jeff, New Jersey
Do not listen to this pastor/church any longer! If you are a discernmentalist (a true bible believing one) you MUST assume that you are right all the time. Remove the splinters of your enemy (not your own plank – because assuredly you don’t have any). Make sure that when you a removing the heresy from your enemy you slander him and call him names. Make sure that he is wounded enough that he will not retaliate. To keep him down spread rumours about him on the internet (make sure you make little attempt at fact checking). Indeed, don’t delve too deeply in articulating your opponents beliefs, simply attack them (especially if you don’t understand them). When it comes to being on the side of truth, you don’t have to act rightly…. just attack your opponent. Remember the words of our gospels “Bless those ONLY on the side of our pure truth, curse everyone else….”
Keep up the true discernmentalist!
May 11, 2010
We must set the record straight—- the Bible is the Literal Word of God. What this Literally means is that the human words which make up the Bible contain the Literal mind of God. We Know as we were there when God Literally dictated them to humanity. Our field agent Brainiac further explains:
The Bible is a book of words and those words are to be interpreted according to their literal sense, which means in the same sense that the author understood them. This is a principle called the Sensus Literalis, and it is an important rule of hermeneutics. If we do not interpret the words in the same sense as the author, then we obscure the author’s meaning and impose our own. If we read our own meaning in the place of God’s meaning; then we are no longer reading God’s word but our own. Therefore, we must take care to interpret the Bible literally.
We interpret the Bible literally by following the ordinary rules of language; a noun is to be read as a noun, a verb as a verb, and so on. No matter what we read or in what language we read it, a statement is always a statement and a question is always a question.
Utilizing our Absolute Biblical Certainty and our Discernmentalist logic, we will show you how to apply a literal hermeneutic to the Bible:
This is literally Jesus:
This also is literally Jesus:
And here is something else that is literally Jesus:
Stay tuned for part 2 of our exhilirating fresh new course straight from the bowels of the GOIP Online Discernmentalist Bible-Literalist Institutes aka LifeWay Press!
May 10, 2010
As True Christians and Discernmentalists, We must stand by our Absolute Biblical Truths like tearing others down when they stand in our way. Making fun of others when they are down in the dumps and kicking them even further is Absolutely Biblical. Using Absolute Biblical Certainty, We must stand up for these Hard Truths. Our Discernmentalist logic dictates that our theology must be Extreme by nature as our God is a very angry Sovereign God ready to pour down His Absolute Sovereign Wrath upon unsuspecting non-elected sinners at any time. Putting reprobates in their place is just part of our job as the Bible commands us to imitate our Father God in Heaven.
A video example of our Biblically verifiable theology.
We wish that crybaby reprobates would quit whining and complaining about their status as the losers of God’s Sovereign lottery of pre-determined Absolute Fatalism. God can and does get what He wants as is His Sovereign Will and His good pleasure decrees so suck it up if you are on the losing end of God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath as it was just Fate that you were Born to Lose. All of this is Biblically verifiable theology as We back up our Extreme Theology with the Hard Truths of the Bible and Bible-Based STRETCH Technology. This is why our Extreme approach to everything works and why We must take a stand against those trying to water down theology with love as you can’t save anyone by loving up on them. You’ve got to tell them the Truth like John MacArthur—the Hard Truth that God hates them and is so angry with their sinful ways that He could threaten to pour down His wrath upon them at any moment unless they are Elect and therefore able to repent.
April 23, 2010
Greg Koukle, apologists for Stand to Reason Ministries states “‘I don’t believe that Torture is wrong in itself…” Afterall he thinks….it could be simple matter of collateral damage (i.e. napalm a village and firebomb Desden) Heck they are bad guys, and they are not like us.
We like words like “collateral damage” too because it avoids less comfortable terms like dismemberment, disembowelment or the death of children being incidental. Again, we don’t have to love our enemies, we just need to keep our way of living from being unchanged.
Sometimes we can think of collateral damage as being secondary damage, damage therefore that is not primary. For instance, “your children have died due to collateral damage…but don’t worry, their deaths were secondary to our primary target.” I think as a parent, relative or friend I would feel much better and so should you once they have explained it that way. We need to be clear that good Christians need to be pro-military, and believe that all people in the Middle East are bad guys and if required need to be tortured. This too is one of the few ways that they really can see that we REPRESENT JESUS, or bring them the GOSPEL. If we are soft on enemies, they too may see us as soft, or full of grace, or love, or even mercy. We never want to be perceived as weak and vulnerable.
Remember, persecute thine enemies, hate them and do bad to them. Do to others before they get you.