“14 If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.”—II Chronicles 7:14 (which is totally about America and not the Israel at the time that verse was written).
My fellow co-laborers in our Truth War—we’re still under attack by Taylor Swift. This time because some high schoolers (not our own) started a bible study using Taylor Swift lyrics. We mustn’t let this abomination stand. 1) Because they might mistake Taylor Swift’s lyrics for God’s Word instead of the Mayflower Compact; The United States Constitution; Declaration of Independence; Articles of Confederation; and other essential documents important to America’s founding as the Pure Doctrines from our American Patriot Bibles plainly teach. 2) It makes their bible study “The Church of Taylor Swift” instead of the Church of TRUMP as God’s will clearly proclaims. 3) What’s next? They may blasphemously mistake Taylor Swift for Jesus instead of TRUMP–heresy as our prophets have prophesized: TRUMP is the Son of Man: the Christ. 4) Worst of all they may begin to believe Sola Scriptura; Sola Gratia; Sola Fidei; Sola Christus; and Soli Deo Gloria along with the Wesleyan Quadrilateral (Scriptures; Tradition; Reason; Experience)—-instead of SOLA TRUMPUS; AMERICA FIRST; ignorant fear-mongering; lunacy and crackpot conspiracy theories and that’s just appalling. Simply appalling!!!
To those high schoolers (not our own)—-we say repent. We also say repent everyone but us and turn back to our American Gospel. On a related note—next week our women’s group: Christian Moms Against Fictional Allegories Teaching Christian Principles And Mysticism 4 Liberty will be using John Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress for their bible study. It should be a hoot!
Make America Great Again Again by protecting the children through fear and self-righteousness,
The Bible is CLEAR! Here is a list which proves this:
one can make a biblical case for just about anything. even amongst conservative theologians, there is widespread disagreement on many topics.
like all christians, you pick and choose what you deem ‘biblical’.
are the only people to make it to heaven those who have the right list of all the right ‘biblicals’, and only the right ‘biblicals’? (heaven will be lonely indeed!)
is there only one biblical / one right answer to everything? like a kind of death-defying ‘biblical’ gauntlet we’re required to run?
what happens if you have all the right answers, except for one ‘unbiblical’ one? is it that the sky will fall? is that God will suddenly be mad at you? is it that your name will be erased from the Lamb’s Book of Life?what’s the limit on ‘unbiblicals’ before one starts feeling the heat and smelling the sulfur of hell?
what would happen if you let this one go and welcomed women speakers in the same way you welcome men speakers and let your life be enriched by it all?
very curious. what would happen? (aside from being enriched, that is)
We forbid the celebration of Easter with a commendable hatred. Those false Romish doctrines are nothing but Ishtar-worship. Putting on a Puritan’s behind mind Sharon Whitley adds: “I don’t think it should be celebrated anywhere in the church both corporately or privately. Its a worldly globalist observance not of God.” Just think on this Muslim Socialist Obama celebrates it so that should tell you all you need to know.
Elder Dilday exposits: “Those who celebrate Easter belong to the Papal antichrist and will burn brighter in hell—thank our angry SOVEREIGN god PRAISE DORT.”
So remember to worship God only on the Popish-pagan day of worship Sunday and put on a Puritan’s behind mind like us or else.
Getting back to Chick-Fil-A—lest we forget as my esteemed colleague and ever-Discernmentalizing co-Truth-Warrior in the truthiness of John MacArthur’s Truth War (PBUI)Dr. Pastor-Teacher I. Todyaso has reminded me that there are other restaurants among us compromising our Discernmentalist values. We mustn’t stop with just our campaign to re-sanctify and re-Christianize chicken restaurants when unbiblical seafood restaurants are allowed to exist. If these restaurants continue to align with dark forces that go against our Doctrines and compromise their stand by caving in to bullies—we Discernmentalist Christians will stop supporting them and they will die out. That’s why:
We must rally all our fellow Discernmentalists and Truth Warriors to bring all of God’s law unto the heathens and the sodomites. We call upon all Christians to join us in the crusade against Long John Silver’s and Red Lobster. Yea, even Popeye’s shall be cleansed. The name of Bubba shall be anathema. We must stop the unbelievers from destroying the sanctity of our restaurants.
The labourers come from Thailand’s much poorer neighbours Myanmar and Cambodia. Brokers illegally charge them fees to get jobs, trapping them into working on fishing vessels and at ports, mills and seafood farms in Thailand to pay back more money than they can ever earn.
“Sometimes, the net is too heavy and workers get pulled into the water and just disappear. When someone dies, he gets thrown into the water,” one Burmese worker told the non-profit organization Verité commissioned by Nestle.
“I have been working on this boat for 10 years. I have no savings. I am barely surviving,” said another. “Life is very difficult here.”
Update #2: Unbiblical seafood restaurant implicated in drug trafficking.
We being good Bible-Believing Internet Discernmentalists believe Solo Scriptura and teach the whole Bible and only appeal to the whole Bible and no other sources nor let culture interpret the Bible as we appeal to our heroes who appeal to John Calvin (a source outside the Bible) who appealed to Saint Augustine (a Roman Catholic apostate and another source outside the Bible) and also secular/pagan philosophies such as neo-Platonic dualistic rationalism and an epistemology of Aristotelian logic (more sources outside the Bible) to bring you our important teachings on Sound Bible Doctrines.
John Calvin quoted Cicero constantly. The Puritans regularly appealed to both reason and nature as support for their Calvinism. I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard a Calvinist talk about “the freedom of God.” The Westminster Confession of Faith begins with describing God as the “fount of all being.”
Discernmentalists seem to be under the impression that Calvinism only comes from Scripture whereas every other theology is a collection of extra-biblical (cultural) arguments, and that’s so self-evidently false as to be literally ridiculous. EVERY theology musters up a combination of proof texts, logical extrapolations of varying quality, appeals to God’s character, etc. Calvinism has no objectively firmer grounding than Arminianism or any other school of theology. (In fact our favorite Bible-writer Saint Paul also appealed to cultural sources outside the Bible as well).
Now many Bible-ignorant heathens reject our Clear Teaching that we must follow the whole Bible and never any source outside the Bible because they’re corrupting Doctrine—but as we’ve shown it is important to follow the whole Bible and only the whole Bible without appealing to outside sources or letting culture interpret it and only we do that.
We Discernmentalists believe in Solo Scriptura as in only our interpretation of the Bible alone as only our interpretation matters or counts for our beliefs are God’s as we follow:
Solo Scriptura. The whole Bible. Be real and stop your deception. Either follow the whole Bible or leave the Christian faith. I do not want a cut and paste faith. That is no faith at all.
However we being good Bible-Believing Conservatives and Internet Discernmentalists like our faith cut and paste as only we have license to practice a cut and paste faith using Solo Scriptura such as:
The Bible is clear: “Drink a little wine to settle thy stomach and greet each-other with a Holy kiss.”—never mind alcoholics and the drinking age being 21 nor pedophiles using the Holy kiss as an excuse to molest children—Paul said it that settles it. (Solo scriptura out of context the whole Bible)
Or our support of capitalism and voting straight ticket Republican every election despite the Bible’s Clear Teaching that usury aka making profits is an abomination
Or how we explain away the Bible’s Clear Teachings to turn the other cheek; lay down our weapons and study war no more
Or how we disagree with the Clear Teaching and Plain Language in the Bible that Christ is Really Present in the wine and bread as we believe its only symbolic: “And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body given for you…” (Notice it doesn’t say this is only a symbol of my body)
Or how we believe God only loves the saved despite John 3:16 using the word κόσμος (which literally means universe) not ἐκλεκτός (Elect) nor ἐκκλησία (church/assembly)
Or how we prefer to spank our children as punishment instead of the Bible’s Clear Teaching on stoning them
Or how we believe in a Limited Atonement despite the Bible’s Clear Teaching: “Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!” (Notice it doesn’t say takes away the sin of the Elect/saved/church only)
Or how we explain away OT Laws by consigning those too HARD for us to follow as being part of a ceremonial law not a moral one despite the Bible never making any distinction between any OT Law: the Law is the Law period.
Or how we believe life begins at conception even-though the Bible’s Clear Teaching Plainly teaches that life begins at first breath
Or how we exhort our enemies to follow Romans 13 while celebrating our country whose very Founders disobeyed it by rebelling against the King of England
Or how we claim that baptism doesn’t have anything to do with salvation despite the Clear and Plain language of the Bible: “1 Peter 3:21- And baptism, which this prefigured, now saves you—not as a removal of dirt from the body, but as an appeal to God for[a] a good conscience, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ, ” (Solo scriptura out of context the whole Bible)
As you can see our Solo Scriptura is correct as we are inerrant—we like the parts of scripture we agree with and doesn’t disrupt our comfortable Conservative American lifestyle—and choose not to follow those that do. However everyone else else needs to follow the whole Bible or else leave the PaulicanBiblianDiscernmentalist Christian faith. (Solo scriptura out of context)
Mark our word. When a ministry says “we are bible believing,” you can believe that they are bible believing. No need to test the waters…especially if they vent against other ministries in the guise of bible ministry. As a matter of fact, if you complain a lot against other ministries it is likely that this ministry is MUCH MORE HOLY and RIGHTEOUS than other ministries who SHOULD fall in line and get with the program. Simply put, if you say “we are bible believing” it gives you license to attack other ministries with unfounded license.
That is why Take A Stand Ministries is just a simple bible believing ministry who has the entire bible untangled and figured out. If you want bible believing certainty, and all that non-sensical post-modern, new-age liberal mystery and wonder jettisoned from scripture….this is a ministry that you should embrace.
It is recorded that Luther later said that Calvin was “educated, but strongly suspected of the error of the Sacramentarians.”[1] That is, that Calvin did not believe the same things regarding the Lord’s Supper as the Lutheran Reformers.
In this it appears that in Luther’s grand biography Calvin does not receive a great deal of mention. For Luther, Calvin would appear perhaps as a footnote.
How can the CBMW expect to stop the GLBT hordes if they refuse to follow the Bible’s Clear Teachings that all True and Godly manly-men have beards?
In our current culture, the progressive trends of gender confusion and transgenderism is all the more reason we should uphold the biblical picture of a masculine man by having beards to stand separated from the pagan culture of today.
Thankfully you have True Bible-based ministries like ours with the Spines and beards to prove it to help protect you in the Purity of our facial hair—and the Sound Doctrines of the Ways of the Master himself which teach Absolute Biblical Truth in his book The Truth War: Fighting for Certainty in an Age of Deception from the spineless beardless GLBT Evanjellyfish agenda slipping into our churches.
“The notorious Consistory of ministers and elders was constituted by six clerics and twelve elders and operated like an Inquisition in the attempt to regulate every detail of private individual life and devotion. Calvin disliked all forms of public entertainment. His laws which, at first, prohibited a category of unapproved plays were finally extended to ban all forms of public theatrical performances. Card playing, extravagant dressing and hairstyle, dancing and singing, non-religious songs, all forms of instrumental music and choral harmony was prohibited in both secular and religious life and condemned as frivolous and ungodly. The sale of wine and beer was restricted to a few merchants licensed by the Consistory. Preachers were empowered to investigate cases of violation of the religious law and could violate a family’s privacy in the process. The Consistory employed the services of spies to gather information and evidence.”
“[1] Let every person be subject to Obama (now Trump). For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. [2] Therefore whoever resists Obama resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. [3] For Obama is not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of Obama? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, [4] for he is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer. [5] Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God’s wrath but also for the sake of conscience. [6] For the same reason you also pay taxes, for the authorities are ministers of God, attending to this very thing. [7] Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.”—“Now listen to this. It doesn’t matter whether your ruler is Caesar, Herod, Pilate, Felix, Fetus, Agrippa, Stalin, Hitler, Winston Churchill, Bill Clinton, it doesn’t matter who it is, he says be subject, you teach them to be subject.”
Addendum: After all of that time and with a truly Godly and Biblical President around though he has yet to implement our Pure Doctrines—I immediately repented of my support of libertine apostates and with my brother Don’s help got resanctified by voting for Trump. We would do well to lobby our leaders to follow: “….Calvin’s Geneva, considered by Knox to be “a perfect school of Christ”, that provided the model and template for the Reformation that would later achieve success in Scotland.” I now pledge to renew my vow to our Truth War by standing fast against all our enemies who try to pervert the Pure Doctrine of Calvin for:
To speak disrespectfully of Calvin or the clergy was a crime. A first violation of these ordinances was punished with a reprimand, further violation with fines, persistent violation with imprisonment or banishment. Fornication was to be punished with exile or drowning; adultery, blasphemy, or idolatry, with death. In one extraordinary instance a child was beheaded for striking its parents (link).
Spreading the Good News of our Sovereign God who sacrificed Himself to Himself to appease Himself of His own anger that He Himself has against His own creation doing what He Himself preordained them to do so that His Sovereign wrath might be satisfied.
We know Christ’s death satisfied God’s wrath because His wrath came to an end, after which Jesus was fully restored in glory.We know Christ’s death satisfied God’s wrath because His wrath came to an end, after which Jesus was fully restored in glory.[1] Now, sometimes when you talk about God being a God of wrath, certain people get disturbed. And they don’t understand how God can be a God of anger, and God can be a God of wrath, and God can be a God of fury, a God of terror. But that’s because they don’t understand God. Let’s see if we can’t help ourselves to a deeper understanding of His wrath in perspective with all of His other attributes.God’s attributes are balanced in His divine perfection. And they are perfectly balanced. If God did not have wrath, and God did not have anger, then He would not be God. God is perfect in love, on the one hand, and He is equally perfect in hate, on the other hand. Just as totally as He loves, so totally does He hate. As His love is unmixed, so is His hate unmixed. Of Christ, it says in Hebrews 1:9, “Thou hast loved righteousness, and hated iniquity.” And there is that perfect balance in the nature of God. As I mentioned, one of the tragedies of Christianity in our time is a failure to preach the hatred of God, the judgment of God. We’re so saccharine. We’re so sentimental. We’re so kind of mushy in our Christianity. When is the last time you heard a new song on the wrath of God? Heard one lately? I haven’t.[2]—John MacArthur (PBUH) [1] [2]
Yet our God still remains angry—so angry with an unsatisfied anger and commendable hatred against all those sinners who refuse to bow down to our Pure Doctrines such as Happy Heretics like Matthew Distefano. In fact our God is still so angry with an unsatisfied commendable hatred that He threatens to come back any day smite sinners and pour down His unsatisfied angry wrath on them and throw all apostates into a Lake of Fire to burn for all eternity unless we share in His unsatisfied sovereign wrath and commendable hatred of all those not like us. This is why we of the Secret Order of Discernmentalists United in Ministry can say that we commendably hate you in the most biblical way in imitation of the unsatisfied wrath of our angry sovereign God.
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Dude! This is a satire site!
Before you get all bent out of shape, please realize this is a satire site spoofing the so-called "discernment ministries" who deem themselves more worthy of Grace than the rest of us. So read and have fun! BTW, we are not against "good" discernment ministries that do actual real research and extend grace to others, only the bad ones.