Dear ODMafia….I keep studying the bible but can’t quite act like a discernmentalist

Dear  ODMafia,

My ultimate goal is to become a top-notch discernmentalist. I must confess I think I have a BIG problem. I have been studying the bible for more than two years and I’m beginning to see these attributes  “love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness and temperance”  growing in my life.

I’m ready to chuck it all away! I feel as though I have no truth! What I mean to say is I don’t judge that many people (it makes me ashamed), I don’t bash enough homosexuals, and rarely do I fixate Rick Warren undermining the church, and  occasionally enjoy a sermon from Rob Bell. On top of that I don’t get angry enough at sinners, or act self-righteous  enough when others do not have their theology perfect. I have even neglected to read John MacArthur’s TRUTH WARS…I think as though I am a failure spiritually… I even read a book by John Stott who is from the Church of England…

what do I do????

Bob

Dear Bob,

You have much to learn about being a discernmentalist.  First and foremost…NEVER ever admit that you have a problem!!!

Second, You need to grow a large ego. Find one Emergent and learn to despise him.  Stop listening to the wisdom of fellow Christians and instead run them down.  Isolate yourself. Spend time with ONLY like-minded Christians who will never disagree with you. Become self-important and self absorbed – irrationally criticize and call it a ministry.

Third, remind others that your hardships are WORSE and more devastating than anyone else…because you are attacked by liberals, moderates, conservatives, mainliners, apostates and false teachers because of your stance on truth (even if they insist that you are muddleheaded, caustic, hostile, obnoxious, prideful, arrogant or egotistical) ignore them and stick to the script of martyrdom and the  self-righteous cause of serving God. Without a martyr complex you will never develop the proper skills to ignore and blindly think that you are correct (all the time). Finally, be haughty….this shows that you have truth on your side.

If that fails…come back for further instructions and we will carefully guide you.

Your dutiful special ops of discernmentalism

Truthslayer