Unity proves elusive for online discernmentalists leaders

Big Cheese, Iowa (Reuters) – Getting world Online Discernmentalists leaders together for a Discernmentalist 20 summit photograph proved impossible on Thursday — despite two attempts. Discernmentalists spent their time arguing whether John Armstrong and John MacDonald were saved, while others were more interested in updating their eschatological charts and proving that the Seven Year Pre-Tribulation Rapture would occur Oct 7th 2010 at precisely 3:00 PM Eastern Standard Time. Two lesser know ODMs spent their valuable time explain that jeans were unbiblical yet had time for photographs.

Meanwhile, a second take was hastily scheduled. This time Eric Barger, and John MacArthur was conspicuous by their absence as they were busy proving that no true Christian could go to the same coffee shop as an Emergent church member. With many leaders on tight truth warrior schedules, there were no plans to try to make it third time lucky, officials said….due to their heavy discernment schedule.

John Hagee’s Healing Scripture Player

The ODMafia robot research monkeys are excited about the

“Portable Healing Player …now available exclusively through John Hagee Ministries. This digital player recites the scriptures pertaining to healing, health and life from the Bible as read by Pastor John Hagee. The player comes with an ear piece and built-in stand and is battery powered. In addition the ear piece can be removed and the player can play just like your radio.” (We’re NOT kidding – check the link!!!)

Wow just like your radio – but with an ear piece! How technologically bleeding edge! Moreover it heals! We believe that Benny Hinn must have accidentally brushed against the HEALING SCRIPTURE PLAYER exact these miracle like qualities. embedded in worldly technology. Thankfully this POWER TO HEAL (PtoH) device is read by super apostle John Hagee…his soothing tone will force your body to heal whether it wants to or not.

ODmafia has ordered several for us and our staff. Order now while supplies last…embrace Hagee’s healing voice!

“P” to the “H” peeps….

Just like Butter but not.

Yes, Margarine was to be like butter yet, it was not. In fact it was illegal to color it yellow until 1967 so that people could tell the difference between real butter and fake margarine. And now, we have that problem in the church. Yes, we have a fake yellow margarine church. No longer is the church pure and holy like real butter, but it now seems to be harder to tell if it’s butter or margarine you are getting at your church.

That is why we invented, “I can’t believe because it is just margarine and not real butter” discernment butter. Yes, now when you take communion, you can spread real butter on your communion bread in protest over the fake believers in your church. Now you can tell who is real and who is fake when those who partake do not spread this holy butter on their communion bread or wafer. Not only that, but it adds flavor also! No more will we settle for margarine style believers when we can have real believers “spreading” the word.