New Calvin Crunch Cereal to hit store soon!

Calvin Crunch Cereal

It is finally here! The new Calvin Crunch Cereal! We are so excited that Checkered Past Cereal company has decided to start their “Reformed” brand again. We hope that this will lead to a healthy doctrinal based breakfast for all “real” Christians! It has extra fiber so you will not have to worry about feeling bloated with self-righteousness! Remember a “correct” doctrine will give you more energy to fight off those heretics as well as keep you alert to anything that might resemble Arminianism! Be sure to send your kids off to school with plenty of Calvin Crunch in their bellies. Also, free inside are the “Heretics trading cards”.  Collect them all! The first batch of cards feature, N.T. Wright and Brian McLaren.

This entry was posted on Monday, September 14th, 2009 at 9:51 am and is filed under Apprising Ministries, Arminians go to hell, Christian Research Network, Church of England / Anglican Church, CRN, Discernment, emerging church, healthy breakfast, John Macarthur, John Stott, Ken Silva, Lighthouse Trails, Mark Driscoll, NT Wright, ODMafia, Pyro Maniacs, setting the standard, Spread the fear, they will know we are Christians by our pure doctrine. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

6 Responses to New Calvin Crunch Cereal to hit store soon!

  1. truthslayer says:
    September 14, 2009 at 10:15 am

    …I KNOW I’m predestined to eat this cereal!

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  2. Arthur McJohn says:
    September 14, 2009 at 12:51 pm

    At last!! I was getting tired to have my kids eating mystic Quaker oats and this neo-shamanist “froot loops”.

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  3. colon blow cereal | COLON says:
    October 13, 2009 at 2:12 am

    […] New Calvin Crunch Cereal to hit store soon! « The Online … […]

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  4. Reformation Crunch Cereal « The Online Discernmentalist Mafia says:
    December 15, 2009 at 10:32 am

    […] has tested and produced an all new exclusive 100% discernmentalist cereal….first it was Calvin Crunch now we have Reformation Crunch! It features the Five Sola’s in every bite protecting you […]

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  5. Brian McLaren reveals: new kind of Christian « The Online Discernmentalist Mafia says:
    March 30, 2010 at 5:59 pm

    […] McLaren best know for his image on the popular heretic trading cards found in Calvin Crunch Cereal, revealed what A New Kind of Christian will look like when his New Kind of Christianity will be […]

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  6. Breaking: Unbiblical Cereal Persecuting Discernmentalists! | says:
    October 26, 2019 at 2:06 pm

    […] counteract this assault on our Truth—we recommend a daily dose of Calvin Crunch; Reformation Crunch; Truth Loops; Catacomb; and Christo-Fascist Flakes for a more Biblically-sound […]

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