May 9, 2019
TruthScooper Times Reports— Recently discovered by Discernmentalists a new breed of the hideously heretically apostate Emerging hybrids—-a Semi-Pelagianese that was once thought to be extinct: Boogie-Foot. This four-eyed Romish unnatural perversion of God’s Holy Creation is said to be a close cousin of Bigfoot and is just one more of the ways in which the evil Emergent Babylonian hordes of Brian “Darn your soul to heck” McLaren’s apostate army stoops in order to eradicate Absolute Biblical Truth (as defined by our Truth War Pope). This hideous hybrid of Monocles and Synergy hypnotizes it’s victims with Contemplative chanting and the unholy flames of candlelight reminding all of it’s hellish origins and doctrines of demons. It chains it’s victims with the burden of Free Grace and a Freed Will towards charitable works. Rumors say it gravitates towards couches and dark roast coffee and other sinisterly Socialistic past times like soccer not to mention Sacher Tortes.
We were granted permission to help ODM Researchmentalists interview a survivor of a Boogie-Foot abduction who spun this mighty fine yarn:
Then they approached me, and I pissed my pants, literally. I am not ashamed to say this, I was so fearful I had no idea if this was it you know? That’s when I saw their heads. Their necks were hairless and they reminded me of vultures. Their heads had red hair, but also black feathers or I don’t know what it was, but it looked like feathers to me. Their eyes were dark, very dark and big as they got close to me.
His hair was long and about the same texture as mine as I recall. The hair on all of them was about the same shade of brown, like the color of the decomposed wood layer in the forest. I could see skin around his eyes that was tanned looking and where there was facial hair it was more sparse with glimpses of skin showing through that area as well. I couldn’t make out a neck. His chin was broad, his teeth were about the size of the nail on my middle finger but they were more flat and he had a mouthful of them meaning the width of his “bite” was wide. His mouth was wide enough to show most of them. His eyes were dark with some white around them, less so than human eyes. They were kind with crows feet at the outer edge of them. His skin was weathered like anyone who spent much time outside, like a farmer. His shoulders were very broad though I did see his collar bone on one side which looked thick compared to a humans. He was muscular and heavily built but in no way fat. (Source)
When they preach a sermon, they are practically choosing their theological roots by what they say in the pulpit. They may not use the same word of phrase, but their meaning is quite the same, and sometimes just as strong as Pelagius or Arminius of old. Instead of wrestling with these ideas, Evangelicals today simply follow the crowd at chow time. They eat what their pastors give them without any recourse to study what is being said or check if their pastor is right. Instead, because of a charismata that is easier to feel than exegesis is to study, they are falling headlong into the abyss of Pelagian and Semi-Pelagian doctrine which is another Gospel, or no Gospel, altogether. Entire Christian universities and theological schools have been given over to this blatant kind of religious humanism. John Owen rightly said in his day, “Many at this day will condemn both Pelagius and the doctrine that he taught, in the words wherein he taught it, and yet embrace and approve of the things themselves which he intended.”[69]
However, though Owen said this four hundred years ago, it is more true today than it was at his time. But there has been a change. It is not that men deny Pelagianism, for most pastors have no idea what Pelagianism or Semi-Pelagianism is at all. Rather, they simply believe the doctrines of Pelagius and Arminius at the expense of even knowing in which theological camp they are historically bound. Truly, the Evangelical church today is captive.
It is impossible to deny the overwhelming degree that the church is under the Pelagian captivity of old.—Mick Russels
Researchmentalists theorize that Boogie-Foot’s prime habitation is in the Synagogue of Satan deep within Emergent Villages and that there may be others among them based on the victim’s testimony in the above interview. Little is known about Boogie-Foot other than what Discernmentalist Researchmentalists in the field of Sintology have observed using their herescopes. Although beard hair samples have been collected and tested by top Sintologists. The test results revealed just what we expected that it’s beard is unbiblical. Supposedly this particular one had spider arms. Putting all together what we know these TruthScoopers warn: Beware the Boogie-Foot that cometh lest the Reformation erode.
————-Julia Bottomman, AP
1 Comment | Abomination Nation, Absolute Biblical Truth, Absolute Clarity, absolute truth, Absolutely Certain Truth, aliens/UFOs, Anabaptist heretics, Aperising Minsitries, Arm and Hand Disease, Arminians go to hell, Babylonian hordes, bananas for Jesus, Baptici hereticus, beards, Big Brother, Brian McLaren, Camp of the Apostates, can't you smell that smell?, Christian Research Network, Contemplative Prayer/Spirituality, Couches and Candles, dirty hippies!, Discerning the World, Discernment, Discernmentalese, Discernmentalist, Discernmentalist United Against Social Justice, disease, Electric Boogie Boogaloo!, emergent, emergent village, emerging church, Evil Emergent plots, False vs. True Converts, Freddies Coffee Bar, here wolfy wolfy, Herescope, heresy hunting, heretics/heresy, Lutherans aren't Calvinistic enough to be True Christians, Obamanation, Oh that smell, Olive Tree Ministries, Peasants' Revolt, Post-modern unbelievers, Pure Doctrines, purposeless driven life, putting on a Puritan's mind!, Research Robot Monkeys, Researchmentalism, Semi-Donatists, Semi-Novatianism, Semi-Pelagians, Semi-Pelagisese, Semi-Pelagites, Semi-Pelagoids, Supralapsarian, they will know we are Christians by our pure doctrine, Uncategorized, Us vs. them! | Tagged: Aperising, apostasy alert, bigfoot, endangered species, hair, hell half acre, humor, pure, Puritans, Scientology | Permalink
Posted by donjobson
October 15, 2009
The Post-Emergent Church
The Post-Emergent Church Of The Future—For old people that never grow out of their youth. A non-seeker-sensitive approach to church: How to lose friends and alienate people. The Post-Emergent Church will return us back to fundamentalism while still remaining relevant. Praise Hymn Rock Songs Include:
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In Awe Of Thy 600+ Commandments, Praise Jesus 25x Chorus, Jesus Is Coming Now Grab Your Guns, We’re Old But We’re Still Young In Church, A Mighty Fortress Is Our Bible, I Saw Jesus Shoot A Heretic But He Did Not Shoot The Deputy, We Hold The Absolute Truth And So Can You, We’ll Annoy You With One More Praise Chorus, We Wish You A Servetus Barbecue, O I Hope My Shoe Is Holey Enough For The Rapture and Raise A Banner Of War On The Non-Elect
Confession of Faith: Legalism is Lord. Church services will include inquisitions on non-believers followed by forced baptisms. Afterwards, we’ll have a pot luck lunch. Everyone wins—souls that is! Rainbow wigs available after your first forced communion.
4 Comments | Abomination Nation, Aperising Minsitries, Apprising Ministries, Arminians go to hell, Benny Hinn, Blue Steel, Brandon Howse, Brannon Howse, Brian McLaren, Camp of the Apostates, Canada, Cast of Hair, Certainty, Chris Pajak, Contemplative Prayer/Spirituality, Contempt, Contenplative spirituality, Couches and Candles, CS Lewis, Cult, Dan Kimball, Dark Knight, Dear ODMafia, Democrats from Hell, dirty hippies!, Discerning the World, Discernment, Discernmentalist, disease, do the hustle, Don Quixote, doubt, Doug Paggett, emergent, emergent village, emerging church, Entertainment, Eric Bargers Take A Stand Ministries, Essential/non-essential, freakin' liberals!, Freddies Coffee Bar, Friendly Welcome, Mega-Church, metrosexuals, Obama, Obamanation, plan? what plan?, porn, Post-modern, Post-modern unbelievers, prayer, purposeless driven life, Pyro Maniacs, questions, Rant, Republicans are natural christians, Rob Bell, rock of ages, Roman Catholic, Secret Order of the ODM, Self righteous, setting the standard, she sells sex sells on the seashore, Sick / Illness, sinners, Slice of Laodicea, Slice of Laodicia, so get over it!, sound bible teaching, technology, The good old days, torture is good!, Trinity Broadcast Network, TRuth War, Truthslayer approved / endorsed, Uncategorized, Voice of The Sheep, volcano, Walid Shoebat, war, war not love, what would you do without me?, Where's my peyote?, Yes, Yoga | Tagged: Doog Pahgeet | Permalink
Posted by donjobson
August 10, 2009
It would seem that Freddies Coffeebar Blog is up to no good. He has shown interest in the EMERGING church and we know that a genuine, bona fide true christian would only read ODMafia or Discerning The World (for genuine Christians) for authentic Christian feeding….or so we thought!
But to our surprise it is NOT just Freddies Coffeebar blog that possesses Emerging sympathies emerge…read on:
“[Of course an Emergent blog would be the FIRST place you would go too for support. Because you are a New Age Christian! The FIRST place you should have gone too was the Bible to see if the things you have been taught by your ohhh sooo smart lecturers at university are REALLY so….”
ODMafia uses STRETCH technology built and designed by DTW and we hope that you the reader saw the Emerging sympathies in this quote as well “Of course an Emergent blog would be the FIRST place you would go too for support. ” We know that DTW would NOT use sarcasm because it is a serious bible believing site….at least we thought it was bible believing until it applied bible unbelieving tactics suggesting to readers that they should appeal to the Emergent blog first.
We will quote this dangerous quote again so that you the readers understand the seriousness of DTW’s betrayal to genuine Christianity “Of course an Emergent blog would be the FIRST place you would go too for support.” This makes ODMafia so upset. We’re angry and betrayed! We suggest getting your torches and pitchforks out of the closet for a good townsfolk uprising.
There you have it folks. DTW has defected. We at ODMafia would NEVER deceive you or provide inaccurate info. We are a true online discernmentalist ministry, online ministries are dedicated to good research because we are simple bible-believers.
Be warned DTW has sympatheized with the devil. Trust us to do your discernmentalizing for you.
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Posted by truthslayer