After years of competing, Eric Barger’s Take a Stand Ministries, Slice of Laodicea, Christian Research Network and Apprising Ministries are now down to the wire. In the next series of events that you will see broadcast on live TV are the following discernmentalist skills:
1) Carefully skilled judgmentalism, disguised as discernment
2) Self-righteous indignation, cloaked as safe guarding God’s fragile truth
3) Name calling because it is fun and makes us feel good.
“I offer an alternative to Haweraus’ socialism in my book “God is a Capitalist: Markets from Moses to Marx.” It’s available at Amazon. I respond to many of Haweraus’ straw men arguments against capitalism and show the histories of capitalism and socialism. Capitalism came from the Godly theologians at the University of Salamanca, Spain in the 16th century who based their economic principles on the Bible. Socialism came from French atheists in the early 19th century. Marx came later, but he was also an atheist who let at least one child starve to death because he was so lazy. The founders of socialism intended it as an anti-Christian system for saving mankind.”—Koger McRinney
The finalist contestants will be judged next week! Stay tuned!
If you aren’t worshipping Mammon then who are you worshipping?,
SoL using the best DUMB technology that money can buy notes “What an unbelievable chaotic mess things are spiritually today. When the light of Christianity should be clear and strong in our land, it has been dimmed and in many cases put out, only adding to the spiritual confusion.” The Online Discernmentalists also do not want to confuse the good old days of America either with the Founding Fathers being Masons, Deists, Christians and Atheists. So we will ignore that part of history to make things fit so that we can look back at the golden age.
We at the Online Discernmentalist Mafia like other discernment ministries prefer a set narrative that confuses OUR facts with real life. We set the standard…you therefore need to submit to it.
I have come full circle. There is a “New World Order” happening and there has been a lot of lies and deceit going around. It is very possible that Covid has been used to promote said New World Order! I do think there are pedophiles in high up positions. Look at Bill Clinton and Kamela Harris talking for national women’s day???? What?!?! There is some evil shady stuff going on people. I don’t know about QAnon specifically, but I would not be surprised at all if there was a ring of high up pedophiles!
Stop elevating yourself above other Christians and start joining them in the Gulag. We need everyone! Accept your titles: homophobe, Bible Thumper, Jesus freak, racist, bigot, uneducated, paranoid, mentally ill, delusional, backwards, self-righteous, judgemental, sexist, toxic, priveleged, blah blah blah you know them all. They are just used to bully and neutralize TRUTH. The truth offends people!
Former Beagles members, Slice of Laodicea and John MacArthur wowed Radio City Music Hall, discerning together for the first time in seven years with a star-studded backup research group, at a benefit to introduce children to Discernmental meditation.
The former Discernmentalists accused three people of heresy while together, they also broke out in song including such hits as “I Saw Her Sinning There,” “Magical Discernmentalist Tour”, “All you need is absolute truth,” while Apprising Ministries, Eric Barger’s Take a Stand Ministries, Red Pen and Herescope provided reseachmentalist accompaniment.
Angles & He-Mans is a bestselling mystery-thriller novel written by Slice of Laodicea and published by Truth Books in 2000 is now a FEATURE LENGTH MOVIE. It revolves around the quest of fictional athletic he-man Harvard University angle-ologist Robert “Truthster” Langdon to unravel the mysteries of a secret society called the Emerginati and to prevent a plot from annihilating Apprising City using destructive anti-truth. The book utilizes the historical fiction similar to the research techniques of many online discernmentalists.
It is rumoured to have head of Slice of Laodicea staffer on board for a cameo appearance …apparently revealling her short curly locks and bare arms in this provocative shot.
The novel introduces the character Robert “Truthster”Langdon, who is also the protagonist of Brown’s subsequent 2003 novel, The Da Emergent Code. It also shares many stylistic elements with its sequel, such as put downs, condescension, and judgmentalism.
More Proof* *-Sermon: A sermon is an oration or lecture by a preacher (who is usually a member of clergy). Sermons address a scriptural, theological, religious, or moral topic, usually expounding on a type of belief, law, or behavior within both past and present contexts. Elements of the sermon often include exposition, exhortation, and practical application. The act of delivering a sermon is called preaching.
A little leavening and a Slice of Laodicea later and a dose of Pyromaniacs added to the lump pointed this out to us:
Joni shared the struggle she’s had as her affliction has forced her to confront the corruption in her own heart. She has had cancer, she has severe chronic pain — just think about that for a moment — she has constant daily struggles. But in it, Joni has found a hope to hang on to that is very different than the focus of most prominent Charismatic leaders: Jesus, the Gospel, heaven. Joni shared that she and her husband Ken talk about pain being splashovers of Hell. Then what are splashovers of Heaven? Not happy days, they concluded, but finding Jesus in the splashovers of Hell.
In fact, one of the most poignant reflections Joni shared (in my words) was that a new, healthy body is not what she is most looking forward to about resurrection life. What she most looks forward to is the full healing of her heart, the final removal of its remaining corruptions and temptations. In other talks she has said that she plans to thank Jesus for her wheelchair, and for what He has taught her through it. It calls to mind Solzhenitsyn’s “Bless you, prison, for being my life.”
She noted that Jesus was never “about” healing; alluding to Mark 1, she noted that when healings threatened to take focus away from His preaching, He would move on.
The late Ken Silva of Apprising Ministries and his Christian Research Network noted that Joni was part of the Women of Faith Conference and that at another conference: Ruth Haley Barton, a contemplative mystic, will be attending. At this conference— the Assembly of God “Believe” conference event in Orlando, Florida, August 5-9, 2013, along with Franklin Graham, Christine Caine of Hillsong, Australia, Judah Smith, and Joni Eareckson Tada, among many others.
All we have to say is why John why? Why slip into the emerging Emergent church apostasy that promotes such heretical things like God is love and God is for salvation?
SoL is on the case again when they describe one Ron Heather, a bus driver in England who refused to drive a bus that was emblazoned with atheist slogans. SoL noted “Three cheers and a Slice Salute to Mr. Heather for taking a stand.” We at the Online Discernmentalist Mafia also applaud Ron Heather for making Christians everywhere look like morons. Our research robot monkey was on hand to comment “Whenever Christians can protest over non essential drivel or complete stupidly we are fully there to support them!”
Reliving our glory days of the Truth War—Dr. I. Todyaso is proud to introduce our newest old course on apologetics aka Apoolajetix to help aid new and future Truth Warriors/Discernmentalists in their Researchmentalism in the defense of our fragile Pure Doctrines that are always under attack and in need of being defended by us:
This our subservient students is the secret to defending our fragile hard doctrines of True Biblical Christianity that is our Extreme Theology of Monergism wedded with Ayn Rand’s Objectivism(the only Conservative approved Libertarian/Independent thinker besides those who support Theocracy like the Constitution Party—despite her views on abortion and her not believing in our angry Sovereign Grace-filled God of wrath) which are always being perverted; always under attack by our many enemies and always in need of defense by us.
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Drs. I. Todyaso; Truthslayer and Don Jobson—Doctors of Apoolajetix
Hello my faithful warriors for faith! It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything for I was battling the semipelagianist around the globe. 37 countries and countless battles and I firmly believe that we are winning the battle. I ask that all of you stand steadfast against the teaching of the post modernists and liberal feminists. Let us pray strongly for our brothers in arms John Piper and Rush Limbaugh. Let us pray that God, in his sovereignty, would bless our great Truth War once again against all those who would stand against us and our eternal struggle. Let us fight against Easter worshippers and all those who would dare call Christians Easter worshippers. Let us spread more Pizzagates and QaNon propaganda to take a stand against the vaccinated apostates who pervert our Pure Doctrines for: “There is nothing makes a man suspect much, more than to know little.”—FRANCIS BACON, Of Suspicion, 1625.
I write this from the Fema Concentration camp that I stole my guns back from comforted by John MacArthur (PBUH)’s words: “There has been a conspiracy to cover up a truth that is so essential to the New Testament, that without it we misunderstand our relationship to Jesus Christ.” And we discernmentalists know all about conspiracies. I immediately renew my pledge in the Truth War to conspire in our Truth doctrines against the unwashed masses. Well I’m off to yet again fight with another camp of apostates, the lamestream media and hairy mystics chanting with earth worshipping feminists but I leave you with one conspiratorialessential quote which helps us understand our relationship to misogyny Jesus even more:
This is the real danger. The very idea of Christian feminism has become a Trojan horse for theological liberalism. The popular “Christian” feminists, such as Rachel Held Evans and Sarah Bessey, are advocates for a host of theologically liberal positions ranging from pro-gay theology to denying Biblical inerrancy to advocating for alternative views of God the Father Himself to minimizing the atonement. It is not as if they are drawing on historic Biblical doctrine to ground equality. Rather, they begin with a modernist conception of “equality” and insist on reading that into the Bible. Christian feminism is not based on good exegesis, but eisegesis. It is not a Christianization of feminism, but a secularization of Christianity. And it gains traction, especially among younger Christians, because there is a biblical ideal of equality based on man and woman’s creation in the image of God (see Genesis 1:26-27). Yet like all doctrinal dangers and compromises, the truth is mixed with a great deal of error. And while Christian feminism starts with a true proposition, it quickly devolves into a host of false teachings, biblical distortions, and even heresies.
If Christian feminism were marked by biblical teaching on sex and gender roles, and didn’t have a host of doctrinal distortions smuggled in with it, then I would have no quarrel or qualm with it. If my compatriots in the Assemblies of God would exercise even a little discernment when quoting Christian feminists who actively deny AG doctrine, I would be less concerned. But instead advocacy of Christian feminism, especially among Millennials, is doctrinally uninformed, Biblically void, historically ignorant, philosophically incoherent, and naive in nearly every way.
Christian feminism is a Trojan horse. It will rot the religion in which it appears, destroying from within Christianity’s Biblical and historic teachings on God and man’s relationship to Him. I know this sounds alarmist and overblown. But the time to sound alarmist is decidedly BEFORE the barbarians are inside the gates. You sound the alarm before the trap is sprung, in hopes that you don’t get caught in the trap. On doctrinal issues, I want to alert people to the problem before they make a commitment to false teaching (Proverbs 12:13).
To anyone who objects especially liberal feminists… I reply….
“Calvinists of the Caribean” is every discernmentals favourite pirate movie. We spelled Caribbean without the extra “B” so that we cannot be accused or associated with the pagan polythiest islanders “Caribs” of Lesser Antilles islands. Calvinists of the Caribean is truly an action adventure movie of the highest Calvinist caliber.
We find the adventurist Calvinists (ie sinless elect) establishing new way of living in this hot climate – bathing suit attire that must be comfortably fitted from neck to toe, forbid cards, secret workings of election and coming to bed by a biblical 9 PM. Just when our Calvinists of the Caribean had thought they had it all figured out….the dark pirate Black Rob Bell entires the stage…attempting explain the absolute truth using fancy words, and descriptive descriptions…..which upstages our downwind truth warriors with upwind ideas. Soon he is under suspicion of being an Arminian (or at least looking like one) with a cropped hairdo and trendy hipster glasses. Quickly the Calvinists of the Caribean swear (in a godly way,… not by earth or heaven) to take out (not on a date) this evil curse of the Black Rob Bell.
In theatres everywhere….
Truthslayer
PS There is no real swearing in the movie. The Calvinists of the Caribean noted that their yeses were yeses and their no’s where no’s.
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Dude! This is a satire site!
Before you get all bent out of shape, please realize this is a satire site spoofing the so-called "discernment ministries" who deem themselves more worthy of Grace than the rest of us. So read and have fun! BTW, we are not against "good" discernment ministries that do actual real research and extend grace to others, only the bad ones.
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